Mixed Bag, and Fun With the Chatbox

Tuesday night was a mixed bag for me in poker, which I guess could be viewed as good or bad given my recent stretch of frustration. Despite all my talk about donking it up at the Waffles-level cash games (1 cent - 2 cent blinds) or just staying away from the game for the night, I was feeling much better when the time came on Tuesday evening, so I ended up running a few nice mtt's as if it were just a regular day, and I'm happy to say I played much better than I have been and that my mentality was pretty much where it should be. I ran three mtts on fuck tilt full tilt on the night, cashing in two of them, and I even allowed myself to get talked in to firing up the old ICB account and using some of that Bodonkey money to play a $44 mtt on the worst of the poker clients with Don in the midst of the best mtt streak of his poker career.

One thing I have to say about Bodog is that everything I've been hearing about the players there is pretty much spot on. I can't comment on the cash games since I don't play them there and can't see how playing against uber donkeys will be anything but bad for my aggressive always-get-in-ahead game, but Tuesday saw truly some of the worst tournament poker play I have ever seen. This $44 mtt started with 1500 chips, and I think after three or four hands I was already the chip leader with over 4600 chips. And I'd love to take credit for my awesome play in those hands or for being dealt AA and KK and shizz, but in reality I won two allin hands with top pair, one with top kicker and one which a 6 kicker. People literally threw their chips at me right from the getgo, it was pretty sick. Just as I've said the players on stars are worse at tournaments than those on full tilt, so far from one night's play I have to concur with what you've all been hearing -- the players on bodog are a serious joke. Playing against total idiots can be annoying in a way of course, especially when you are not a lucky player, but in general I can't really find anything good to say about the guys I ran into all through Tuesday's mtt run.

I got to do one of my favorite things last night in this bodog tournament which is ruin some jagoff's night after I busted him due to his poor play and total lack of understanding of his image. Basically, Don has just come to my table at the time, and I had been explaining to Don in the girly how I had watched this clown push allin on massive overbets on the flop and turn no fewer than 20 times in the first hour or 90 minutes of this tournament. While Don and I sat there, he again overbet every flop and turn he saw, probably two or three more times over a few minutes, and I was just licking my chops for the time I could actually pick up a hand against this clown. Long story short, a few hands later I find pocket 8s, and I see a flop of J32 against just the overbettor. He immediately bets out on the size of the pot on the flop, not even overbetting the pot which made me think for sure he was weaker than he wanted to be. I commented as much to Don in the girly, and I called his flop bet. Then the raggy undercard on the turn fell, and the guy again insta-bet me allin. I thought for about three seconds, figured if the donk of the century just got me then so be it, and I called off my stack with 2nd pair 8s. He flipped up pocket 7s and I stizznacked his ass. And then the chatbox blew up.

"How could you call that!"

"With all that money in the pot? Are you some kind of idiot?!"

"How on earth could you call that you donkey?!"

I love it. I've written about this many times before, quite recently even, but there is basically no one I love more at the poker table than a guy with a horrible image but who has no clue what that image is. We all know these guys -- the guys who call down with shit cards all night long, and then when you finally take a stand with a mediocre hand and bust them, they are nothing short of shocked and appalled. So I quickly decided on the thing that would probably bother this guy the most of all, and went for it in the chat:

Me: "Sorry, that was a misclick."

Donk: "WHAT?!! Are you ****ing KIDDING me?"

Me: "Yeah, so sorry. First time I've played here, I meant to click on another table."

A string of expletives followed. And the best part is, with my response I not only ruined the guy's entire night and left him I'm sure telling all his friends about his "unbelievably bad luck", but he is also assured of now continuing to play the exact same way he did last night. Anything I can do to keep the quality of play on bodog to a minimum, you all have me to thank. Just unreal these no-image guys.

Anyways, sadly my end results on the night still suffered from some horrific beats, as in fact each of my last three mtt's ended in a suckout or setup elimination for me. I just cannot shake the bad beats lately no matter how hard I try. In the bodog, another guy went on megatilt after losing two thirds of his stack on a bad beat himself, and pushed allin into my KQs when I was chip leader, so I quickly called and of course he had been dealt KK just one hand after tilting out of his mind. Then, the same anusnose pushed allin again when I had AK, and I called only to see -- you guessed it -- KK again not four or five hands later, and IGH somewhere in the mid teens for a small cash. So that was a very poor and shocking ending for a tournament which I literally led the vast majority of the way, but as far as one of my first mtt forays onto bodog, the players just plain sucked.

Sadly I suffered a similar fate in my other two late mtts on full tilt. In the 5050 I once again cashed, but I busted in the low 100s when my AA got allin against of all things AJ, and even though he was fully dominated by my pocket rockets, he still managed to runner-runner straight me. So ghey, but so standard for me lately on full tilt. Similarly in the $50 megasat at 9:45pm ET to FTOPS #17, which awarded $322 buyins to the top 20 finishers out of 130-some runners, I was top 15 in chips with 36 remaining when I managed to get some guy with a huge stack allin with his A7 on a board of 762 against my 88, putting me in position to double to the point where I surely could have gone to bed and made the cash (and I probably would have, at that hour), but then the clown runner runner flushed me with his 7 and IGH short of the payout spots. Hard to accept.

I know I sound like a broken record with my experiences on full tilt lately, but what can I say, variance is crushing me lately mostly in spots where I am getting it in ahead and just taking a serious beating. As I've said here many times, what more can I do than get allin preflop when I am dominating, or better yet wait until after the flop when I am ahead and have my opponent drawing to just a small handful of outs? It will all balance out in the end and I have surely had my share of success on full tilt overall, but my lord when things are running bad like this it can be really hard to believe. Frankly I can't even believe I'm willing to log in to the full tilt client these days after the consistent spankings I've been receiving, but I know I will be on there tonight to play the Mookie at 10pm ET (password as always is "vegas1"). I may be disgusted with full tilt but no way I am missing the grandpappy of all blogger tournaments just because of a little ass fucking from my favorite online poker site.

See you tonight, have the vaseline ready!

Effed Early and Late in Monday MTTs, and MATH Recap

Despite winning another buyin at the 6max cash tables overall on the night, it was a sick, sick night of poker for me overall that saw me make exactly zero suckouts against anyone over 4 hours of multitabling, while 2 vicious suckouts against me combined with one mega setup hand to really phuck me and phuck me hard out of my mtt action on the night. And given the stakes involved, it was one of those very rare (for me) nights where when I woke up in the morning, I was still just about as sick as I had been the night before. I hate when that happens, when the very first thing that pops into my head when I first wake up is "Did that suckout really happen to me? Did it have to be in that spot?" That's me here on Tuesday morning, and I don't exactly know when the gross feeling is going to go away.

After a nice couple of sessions at the cash tables, where I finally have my pokertracker working again after a quick email to support (thanks Gnome for the suggestion), I began the latest Mondays at the Hoy tournament with high hopes, as I've been playing well in mtts again lately after a month of poor results in that arena. I couldn't have played more than five or ten minutes before I limped from the blinds to see a 4-way flop with K♣5♣. The flop comes all clubs. Soy delicious.

Because I'm a man, I manage to get thepokergrind to call my allin reraise on this flop, which you would think would thrill me. But no, I've written here many times before about how I am somehow well into the negative over time with made two-card flushes in holdem, and how I am quite sure it is not because I overplay these things. Well, I figure he's obviously got the Ace♣, and/or a set and is going to boat up on me, I know it's going to happen. So it was almost a relief when he flips up....Ax sooted in clubs! Flopflush King-high into flopflush Ace-high. That is rich you muggafuggas, really rich. Well I'll just add that one to the everlovingly huge tab that the giant flush up in the sky owes to me and will have to begin paying back to me someday. Flopping a flush is supposed to be a fucking pot of gold, but somehow for me it's a spitoon full of coal. So phuck you flushes. I hope you get AIDS and die. Please.

In the end, all-around good guy Bayne squeaked into 4th place and the money in the MATH by showing tremendous patience as the short stack on the bubble, adding $95.04 to his current lead atop the 2007 MATH moneyboard. Coming in 3rd place on the week was Kajagugu, who won $142.56 in his first cash of the year after losing a 20k+ stack pretty quick after Bayne busted in 4th place. Thepokergrind managed to make good use of the chips he was gifted from me in the earlygoing, busting out with a 2nd place finish and $198 won for his best MATH performance of the year in what I know from his blog has been a focus for his play of late. And winning this week's Mondays at the Hoy title, along with $356.40 of cold hard cash contributed to by the 33 donkeys runners, was everyone's favorite poker shock jock, BuddyDank himself! I could not listen to the radio show last night with Hammer Wife asleep right next to me, but I'm sure Buddy was on fire and loving life as he powered his way through a tough and larger-than-normal field for the victory.

So here is your updated 2007 MATH moneyboard, including this week's action:

1. Bayne_s $1270
2. Columbo $1168
3. Hoyazo $1162
4. RaisingCayne $1110
5. Pirate Wes $792
6. VinNay $775
7. cmitch $774
8. Iggy $745
9. NewinNov $677
10. Lucko21 $665
11. Waffles $650
12. IslandBum1 $642
13. Astin $616
14. Fuel55 $568
15. Tripjax $561
16. Buddydank $553
17. Byron $510
18. Julius Goat $507
19. bartonf $492
19. mtnrider81 $492
21. PokerBrian322 $490
22. Chad $485
23. scots_chris $474
24. Emptyman $461
25. Mike_Maloney $456
26. RecessRampage $434
27. Otis $429
28. Surflexus $402
28. Miami Don $402
30. jeciimd $382
30. Jordan $382
32. Blinders $379
33. lightning36 $371
34. ChapelncHill $353
35. Zeem $330
36. LJ $326
37. OMGitsPokerFool $324
38. oossuuu754 $312
39. leftylu $295
40. Wigginx $288
41. ScottMc $282
42. Fishy McDonk $277
43. Irongirl $252
43. Manik79 $252
45. Wippy1313 $248
46. swimmom95 $245
47. wwonka69 $216
48. Omega_man_99 $210
49. katiemother $209
50. Pushmonkey72 $208
51. Thepokergrind $198
52. Gary Cox 194
53. 23Skidoo $176
54. Santa Clauss $170
55. jimdniacc $166
56. Iakaris $162
56. Smokkee $162
58. cemfredmd $156
58. NumbBono $156
60. lester000 $147
61. Heffmike $145
62. Kajagugu $143
62. brdweb $143
64. Mookie $137
64. DDionysus $137
66. Patchmaster $135
67. InstantTragedy $129
68. Ganton516 $114
69. Fluxer $110
70. hoops15mt $95
71. Gracie $94
71. Scurvydog $94
73. wormmsu $91
74. Shag0103 $84
75. crazdgamer $82
76. PhinCity $80
77. maf212 $78
78. Alceste $71
78. dbirider $71
80. Easycure $67
81. Rake Feeder $53

So Bayne adds to his lead and becomes the first member of the $1200 club in the MATH this year, while Buddydank soars up into the top 20 with his $356 and change won this week, while Kaja and thepokergrind both break into the moneyboard for the first time as the fourth and final quarter of the year begins.

And now we can move on to the real reason I am still feeling sick this morning: the Monday 1k. I mentioned here in Monday's post that I had satellited in to the Monday 1k buyin mtt with a 150k guarantee over the weekend with one of those tier II tokens that I love to win in the nightly 9:45pm ET token frenzy on full tilt. 259 runners showed up, contributing a lofty 259k prize pool to be paid out to the top 27 finishers. I got no cards at first (what else is new) but ran some huge bluffs in what I thought were good spots to get off to about a 50% bump from the 3000 chip starting stacks around the end of the first hour. Just before the break I played a very interesting hand , which I'm going to profile in a moment because the pussy vagina who was involved with me ending up stalking me for several hours in the chat and being abusive about the way I played, and I'd like to get your thoughts. Basically, I had an up and down 2nd and 3rd hours, where my stack vacillated from around 10k at most to around 3k at the least, but I never gave up and I never made one of those oh-so-tempting awfuckit calls, but I did manage to win one big race near the end of the third hour when I called an allin with AKo preflop and nailed a King on the flop to stay alive. I also endured one uberlame suckout where I had my opponent dominated allin preflop for all his chips, but he four-flushed me. Another flucking fush, what can ya do. Unfortunately my night ended early into hour 4, just 6 spots from the payout positions, when I reraised my opponent allin preflop when I held JJ, and he called quickly with AKo, the same thing I had benefitted from doing earlier in the evening. In the end, he won the race as a roughly 48% underdog going in, but that doesn't begin to describe the scene. Once he and I were allin preflop, the flop came down J42 rainbow, giving me the literal nuts with top set on a board with no discernible draws, and I was stylin'. I was going to be top 10 in chips with 33 players remaining and 27 spots paying out a minimum of $1500. Yeah baybeeeee.

Turn Queen.

River Ten.

IGH 33rd place of 259 runners with 27 spots in the money.

Now if that ain't some sick shiat, I don't know what is. In the end I can't get too crazy about it because I was just a 52% favorite preflop when the money went in, but to have it happen in that order and give me the nut flop with no draws whatsoever, that one fucking stings me, even the next morning I have to say. Basically, my opponent needed to make one of four outs on the turn and one of four outs on the river to beat me at that point, as there was no way other than the runner runner straight for my opponent to catch up to my nut flop. Even running Aces, Kings or AK at that point wasn't going to win it for him. But that's the way it happens I guess. So I go 3 1/2 hours into this thing and play great with not much to work with and then get donked by a runner runner 0.6% chance on the flop to lose just short of the money. Ouch.

OK and now the hand I wanted to profile from earlier in the tournament. As I said I received one of my worst and longest-lasting beratings ever after this hand by the pussass I played the hand with, and I would like to get your thoughts on the way the hand played out.

Blinds are 30-60, and I'm in the hijack where it's folded around to me. I have QJs. I like to raise here and try to take down the blinds, and I know if someone calls I have a good hand to do some damage with regardless of what my opponent has. I kick it up to 180 chips. Vegan213, the bfp of the tournament (Biggest Fucking Pussy), reraised me to 540 chips from the cutoff. Vegan had been a stealy guy at this table for a while, and to be honest I put him on a steal and figured with big soooted connectors I had a good hand to see a flop with and hope to hit something big. This is admittedly not a strong move on my part and it's not something I do very often, but as I've discussed here previously I find myself calling preflop raises in situations like this more and more as I get more and more comfortable with my postflop play and in knowing that I can lay this hand down unless I flop strong to it, which means something better than TPTK or at least a draw to something strong.

The flop comes AT4 with two hearts, giving me the flush draw and the inside straight draw, and I figured with pussyshit's preflop reraise he very likely had an Ace in his hand, one that based on his play he would want to push strongly. With at least 12 outs to an almost surely winning hand, I figured this guy will surely bet out nearly the size of the pot on the flop with what I figure is a big Ace, and then I can raise him allin and make him lay this down if he is anything but a TPTK monkey. I checked to him, and he bet out 825 chips like a good little puppy dog:



Following my plan all along, and knowing I had at least 12 outs to the almost surely winning hand, I reraised allin on this flop, almost indifferent between him calling and folding. With 12 outs more or less assured, I figured I'm looking at more than 40% equity in this pot, and maybe more depending on what exactly my opponent has, but either way I'm figuring this guy for having a solid top pair hand. I guess it's better that he folds since I'm not quite 50% equity with my two-way draw, but in the end I figured if he's not a donk he has to lay down any non-two-pair hand to my allin reraise for his and my entire stack here.

Vagina Man instacalls my allin bet, and flips up his AKo. Bingo! Top pair top kicker donkey to the rescue! I love these guys. TPTK donkeys have probably made me more money over my poker lifetime than any other type of player out there. I mean, it's one thing to be the guy making a big raise and creating pressure by putting your opponent to a decision for all their chips, but to call off your entire stack on a huge overraise allin for about 3 times the current pot, with just TPTK, is...well...you guys tell me what it is.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the hand, because the turn card brought me the sweet victory:



and this assclown Vegan213 proceeded started laying in to me on the chat. These are the guys that I really make my money on, both at tournament and cash tables -- the guys who not only are TPTK donkeys, but who live in denial and refuse to open their minds to the possibility of ever getting better. When you're instacalling a huge overbet for your entire stack with just TPTK, I say you need to check yo'self before you wreck yo'self. But maybe it's just me. Am I way off base here? I read this guy like a book, I got him to bet out and commit himself on the flop and then I moved in the rest of my chips in a spot where he has to fold. Instead he called, and lost, and berated me horrendously, for several hours. Literally. At like 1am ET, when I finally got donkeyfucked by the roughly 140-to-1 runner-runner straight against my JJ on the J42 flop, suddenly there was Vegan213 to type in "hahahahahah". I love it.

So this guy literally stayed awake for four fucking hours after I busted his ass after what I view as a donkey instacall by him. He stays up until after 1am, watching every single hand I play, just hoping, waiting, praying for me to bust out somehow. Then I get donked by a less than 1-outer, and he is suddenly right there, four hours after my hand with him, laughing at me in the chat. Wow. Which leads me to one opinion about Vegan213 that I just can't escape no matter how hard I try:

Vegan213 has a small penis.

I just don't know what else leads to the kind of feelings of inadequacy that poker obviously stirs up in this individual. Did I really play this hand so poorly? Did he really play it so well?