Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Lost Rant

I promised myself I was not going to do this on the blog. But after this week's Lost episode, I just can't contain myself anymore.

Lost sucks. It sucks. It's sucked for at least two full years now. Season 5 was just about the worst abomination of a cool story that could possibly have been done, with the characters randomly flashing through time thoroughly confusing the viewers and leading hundreds of thousands of viewers to just tune out. Now they are back with Desmond this week, with the random time flashing, with his "constant". My god that shit is so stupid I want to scream out in pain every time I see it. And now Season 6 is following right in its foosteps.

The Lost writers have clearly made a crucial miscalculation with respect to the public's interest in the ending of the show, which ABC is obviously counting on to market several new series to take the place of Lost starting next year. These writers actually think we care about the plot of the story anymore. They really think I care about Sawyer's plan to get the Losties off the island. They think I stay up at night wondering what will become of Claire's relationship with Kate. They think I honestly care whether Jack's son likes him in Sideways World. In fact, they actually think I care anything about Sideways World.

And that's where they're wrong. We don't care about Sawyer, or Kate, or Sideways World at all. Three years ago, now then I cared a lot about getting these people off the island. But now? They already got off the island, most of them anyways. And then they willingly chose to go back (most of them, anyways). They were home, and then they decided on their own to go back. And now Lost thinks I care how they get off? Again? Come on. The mystery of escaping the island is dead to all but the most plot-blind of viewers, and the writers should have figured this out a long time ago.

Similarly, and more problematic for this season, nobody actually cares about Sideways World. What the hell do I care if Kate is a fugitive or not, if Charlie died from his overdose or lives to sing at Eloise Widmore's party. So much of this season has been worthless drivel filler to add to the roughly 2 hours worth of the only thing anyone cares a whit about on Lost anymore -- the mythology.

The mythology. That's the only reason anyone watches anymore, isn't it? We want to know what is the island? Who is Jacob? What is MIB's name, and what is his relationship to Jacob? How did these people all get here, and who put them on the island in the first place? What are the "rules" of Jacob and MIB's battle? And who made those rules? Why?

Bottom line, this is all we care about anymore on Lost. The story the writers have come up with these past few seasons since bringing the Oceanic 6 off the island have forced them into this corner, and now they keep trying desperately to fill up 45 minutes out of every show (or, more accurately, 60 minutes on 3 straight shows, and then one show almost entirely about the mythology) with filler story that nobody actually cares about.

So what gimmick have the writers resorted to in this latest episode to try to make somebody give a crap about the Sideways story? They actually believe that they can just put something in a random episode with Desmond flashing randomly through time with absolutely no explanation whatsoever (other then merely stating as fact that Desmond is "special"), and that the fans will accept it. That we will like it. It's unthinkable, really. So in Sideways world, the Widmores are married, and Charles likes Desmond, who works for him. OMG!!! My heart is palpitating at the thought. And guess what else? Wait for it...wait for it....

Desmond is flashing through time! Again!!!!!!!

[Cue heart attack....Just...too...crazy}]

I haven't been this flat out bored by an episode of Lost since Hurley found the bus. Eff you, Lost. Like apprixmately 98% of the people who religiously watched your show four years ago now, I no longer give a shit. I'm just waiting for your little story to end so I can move on to other things.

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Monday, December 14, 2009

Religious Asshattery

This weekend while getting some much-needed holiday shopping done, I overheard some waspy clerk at one of the retail establishments I visited complaining to her friend, and I quote, "I can't believe they won't even let us say 'Merry Christmas' anymore, now it's just 'Happy Holidays'. It's so unfair." This is right up there with my idiot college roommate who used to complain to his other Christian friends how unfair it is that the Jewish kids get off all the Christian holidays from school already because school is closed, plus they also get to take off all of their own holidays as well, it's so unfair.

Unfair? Listen, you bigoted, totally self-centered buffoons: You don't get to tell people "Merry Christmas" just because you celebrate Christmas even though they don't. You claim you don't understand what the big deal is, that the Jews and the Kwanzaa people and the atheists in this country should all just chillax. But you don't really mean that, not by a long shot. Take these same "Merry Christmas" people and start changing every single holiday message they ever receive, from the banners hanging in their children's schools, to the name of the party at your office, to the messages on tv and the radio, to the decorations hanging on all the public buildings in town, to what everyone in every store says after they make a purchase. Start having all of those messages be "Happy Hannukah" instead of "Merry Christmas". Yeah, I'm sure that would be just fine with all these "Merry Christmas" freaks. Because if it's really just fine to wish a happy holiday for whatever holiday you celebrate to anyone who walks into your store, regardless of their own religious affinity, then saying "Happy Hannukah" to everyone is by definition just fine as well.

Right.

Face the facts. We live in a country that was founded partially on the ideal of religious freedom for all, and where there is supposed to be constitutionally-guaranteed separation of church and state. And yet, if you go to public school in this country, you get a frigging week off for Easter, you get usually more than a week off at Christmastime, and many places give Good Friday off as well among others. Even New Year's Day is purely a Christian holiday based on a calendar that Jewish people don't even technically believe in. Yom Kippur? My kid has to miss a day of school, and whatever lessons they had going on for that day. The stock market is closed on Good Friday. But not on Rosh Hashana. Most U.S. companies' offices are closed for the same holidays that banks, schools and government offices close for every year, which are 100% based on the Christian view of the world.

Now to be clear, us Jews don't go around complaining about this. It's not fair, it's really not what the founding fathers in theory ever intended when they left England to find freedom in America, and it has a noticeably negative impact on most Jewish people's lives in America. But we don't complain. We just suck it up. We've gotten used to missing two days of work every September and having all the smarmy anti-semitic assholes at work putting us down behind our backs while we're out. We grew up as kids missing more school than our Catholic and Protestant friends -- in particular at the beginning of the school year when the Jewish holidays land most frequently -- and we again just accept growing up that that's part of what you have to do to be outside the majority in this Christian-centric country. Jews celebrate two New Yearses each year, because we have to: the one we really believe is the end of the old year and the beginning of the next, and then the one that American society forces on us. Work is closed on January 1, school is closed, many retail establishments are closed, and the media coverage is all around you about the new year every year. There's just no way to avoid it, so rather than sit around complaining, Jews just suck it up and make do. Other people who don't celebrate Christmas just basically turn a blind eye as well to the entire period between Thanksgiving (another Christian-based holiday that is "officially" celebrated in this country) and New Years that has nowadays become totally and completely dominated by Christmas.

What the fuck injury is there to Christian people in just saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" anyways? Is it so so terrible for Christians to save their Merry Christmases for Santa's lap at the mall, for church mass on Sunday where everyone is a believer, and similar situations like that? Does "Happy Holidays" really offend you so much that being deprived of your usual "Merry Christmas" actually has a demonstratively adverse effect on your lifestyle?

Wake up, pigs. You live in a completely and totally Christianized country already. Every holiday is the focus of the nation, and entire infrastructures like the education system, private companies, the stock market and even the operation of the frigging government for cyring out loud are totally based on Christian schedules, completely in conflict with those of other faiths comprising the non-majority in this country. All we Jews fucking ask is that when we go to your store to spend the hard-earned money we made by charging those usurious interest rates on your Christ-worshipping asses, that you don't add further insult to extreme injury by wishing us a Merry Christmas as well.

Is that really what's "unfair" about the non-seprated church and state system in this country today?

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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Donkin on a Monday

Wow, boredom set in in an awful hurry for me in the BBT4. This was even quicker than in previous series. With the attendance at the weekly tournaments dropping noticeably here in just the early third week of the 13-week challenge, I must say that without even realizing it, I am just part of the herd losing interest in the series, and in actually trying to play well when I do sit down to play.

Of course it didn't help that I got riversucked out of four sitngos in under and hour on Monday night heading into the Riverchasers tournament. I stopped playing the sngs when I got a bit short in one ring sng, picked up KQ in the small blind and raised two preflop limpers. To my mild surprise, both called. When the flop came K22, I pushed my last chips in on the flop on an overbet to the pot, knowing this would appear like I was pushing short when weak. Again, to my amazement, the first player called, the second pushed allin, and the first insta-called. When the first guy flipped up KK for the flopped overboat, I just chuckled. I did not even see the other guy turn over his pocket 2s for the flopped quads vs. flopped overboat until after the hand was over and I was eliminated, when I noticed all the chips in the other guy's pile and wanted to replay the hand to see what had happened. A good rule of thumb I try to live by is when I've been riversucked four times and then run KQ on a shrot stack and on a K22 flop into KK and 22, it's time to hang 'em up.

By this point, unfortunately, the Riverchasers had already started, and I was feelin' tilty. I quickly dropped down to around 2500 chips from the starting stack of 3000 on donkish stabs at pots with nothing and on silly resteals for little chips early. Basically I was pissed off and wasn't into the tournament and thus was just trying to push shitty cards and steal somebody's stack on a suckout or something. Stoopid. Eventually I allin overbluffed on the river against someone for about 4 times the current pot, and got called down instantly by a pocket pair below top pair. That one definitely surprised me, but I guess I just have to be happy with someone making a play that I will double up on 98% of the time. It was actually the second time I had been called down on a big bet with nothing in my short time in the Riverchasers on Monday, both times of course with me hardcore bluffing with nothing. I guess I was giving off the vibe that I was feeling inside -- that I should not have been playing, that I did not want to be playing, and that I was just going to make stoopid bets and raises with no rhyme, no reason, and no plan for the hands I got involved in. That worked about as well as you might expect from reading that description.

Needless to say, I didn't last long and I didn't stick around any longer than I had to on the night. After making the points and nearly final tabling the first three events of the BBT4, I stopped giving a crap any more than I did right before the series started, and it severely shows in my play. In my last four BBT tournaments, no money, no final tables, no points, no good play at all. Well, except for the Mookie last week when I got two-outered after the flop by someone who spent the entire previous week bitching in his blog about how unlucky he is and how great everyone else runs. Running bad at this game just fucking blows.

It's gonna be at least a few days before I get the bitter taste of last night out of my mouth. You might want to call me down in the HORSE tonight in the skillz series, because I'm going to be calling and betting with absolute shit and just hoping to donk somebody out early. Bitches.

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Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Washington Donkery Rant

Sheer craziness. The House of Representatives wowed the nation and the world on Monday by voting down President Bush's bailout bill, sending U.S. stocks reeling in a sickening shockwave that saw the Dow Industrials drop by some 450 points over the span of 3 or 4 minutes around 1:30pm ET on Monday. I can't say that I've never seen anything like that happen before, but you really only do get to see that happen maybe once or twice in a generation, that kind of sickening, panic selling where it's obvious you have millions of people just selling anything they hold, with no regard whatsoever to the price of those holdings. The selloff, which ended up being a record one-day point drop for the Dow of over 777 points and nearly 10% in the major indices as a whole, underscores the delicacy of the situation the U.S. financial system is currently in, which poses an absolutely unique pickle for lawmakers, investors and consumers in the U.S. economy.

On the one hand, it is obvious that the American financial system needs something to be done, and fast. It probably needs to be something dramatic, and it is likely going to require some kind of an unprecedented move given the state of shock that the credit markets in this country are in. There are things happening in the bond and other credit markets that have not been seen in any of our lifetimes. In just the past month basically, Fannie and Freddie, the two largest owners of mortgages in the world, have falled and needed to be completely taken over by the U.S. government. Lehman Brothers went bankrupt, following in the footsteps of fellow investment bank Bear Stearns earlier this year. AIG, the world's largest insurance company, essentially failed and needed a loan of 85 billion dollars from the government just to manage to stay afloat for a short while as it ponders how to return to some stability. Merrill Lynch, the third-largest of the five independent investment banks that existed some nine months ago, was basically a day away from filing for bankruptcy, and the federal government orchestrated its sale to Bank of America to save the system from that happening. WaMu, the nation's largest savings bank with deposits of some $350 billion, failed and was seized late last week, sold for peanuts to banking titan J.P. Morgan Chase. And now on Monday this week, Wachovia Bank, another former banking giant in this country, also essentially failed, with the government having to step in to orchestrate its sale to Citigroup, also basically for peanuts, with the FDIC agreeing Bear Stearns-style to backstop the vast majority of potential losses on Wachovia's $600-some billion portfolio of troubled mortgages.

So the banks in this country are failing, left and right and left again. Failing, as in, gone. Forever. And I don't just mean smaller regional banks like IndyMac which went bust a few months back. I mean big dogs, the Bears and the Lehmans and the WaMus and Wachovias. And now we're beginning to see some of the largest banks outside of the U.S. crumble as well. The system is quaking in the knees, has been for a good few months now, and I am in agreement with President Bush that something does need to be done. More than all the failures, it's a cold hard fact that most average-joe consumers in the U.S. economy have no insight into or understanding of that credit between banks has frozen to barely a trickle. We've seen interbank lending rates -- the interest rate that banks charge to one another for short-term loans that happen -- or more accurately that used to happen every single day as a matter of course -- triple, quadruple and even quintuple just over the past few weeks as banks fear never being repaid by their counterparts in other parts of the country or the world. The yield on short-term Treasury Bills -- considered to be essentially the safest investments in the world today as they are backed by the U.S. Treasury -- has dropped so hard in just the past few days that it is truly frightening. Basically after the past few days, people are willing to take very close to 0% return over three months and even over a full year, just to ensure that their money does not lose its principal while the rest of the investments out there seem so unsafe. As I said above, things are happening in the world of finance that you simply never ever see otuside of just now and maybe once in a generation or three. So on the one hand, it is obvious that something dramatic clearly needs to be done, and fast.

On the other hand, though, I have to admit I am proud as hell of the House of Representatives. After all, even with the changes made over the weekend that clearly make the Bush bailut bill more pallateable -- or let's say, less unpallateable -- it is still a shitty bill. Highly shitty. I mean, the bottom line is that there is absolutely no understanding whatsoever of the How of this bill, or even the Why. Yes, I know something needs to be done, for sure. But Bush and his cronies at Treasury and the Fed have put forth a $700 billion package to buy up all the crappy mortgages held by the banks of this country as the only choice as to how to address the serious problems facing the banks right now. But is that really the only option? It would seem that the answer is obviously not. Republicans in the Senate tried to push over the weekend a proposal that would allow the banks to purchase insurance on their bad debts from the Fed instead of the government outright buying that debt. Others have suggested increasing deposit insurance limits, injecting more cash into the system, lowering interest rates, or even some bills which aim to bail out the consumers in this country instead of going directly to the banks and helping them. Frankly, I'm not trying to suggest that I know the answer. I love these clowns who love to say "Well, you can't think of anything better, so we have to do this bailout right now!" You know what, bozo? I'm not an economist. I'm not in the government, I'm not a politician, and I don't work in finance. Just because I can't think of a better answer than simply buying $700 billion worth of bad investments carelessly made by Wall Street, does not in the least mean that this is the only workable plan. The mere suggestion that I, or you, or any individual reading this is somehow oblgiated to think of a better plan or else we must believe that the one put forth by the former co-CEO of Goldman Sachs is the best plan imaginable is the height ot stoopidity, to the point that it's not even worth addressing.

The bottom line is, this bailout is a shit-filled idea, and everybody knows it. But what went on in the House yesterday is truly mind-boggling when you think about it. The Senate spent all weekend wrangling with the administration as well as political opponents to come up with a bill that compromised enough that they believed it could pass through Congress. Amazingly, those donkeys didn't even include the right people to reach an actual consensus that could actually get approved! It is unreal how redonkulous these people are. Stay up late working for 72 straight hours to reach accord on something, and in the end you never even had the right people there in the first place. Hard to believe.

But more than that, looking closer at the votes in the House is really what shocks me the most. This bill, remember, is a Republican bill, coming from the President himself along with his Treasury Secretary and Fed Chairman. But even though it was put forth by the Republican president, just look at what happened on the floor of the House. The Democrats in the House voted about 140-90 in favor of the bill. Not exactly overwhelming approval, but surely enough to contribute to a victory in a majority-wins vote. But among the Republicans in the House, the bill went down about 133 to 65. Just think about that. More than two-thirds of the President's own party voted against a bill that not only he brought to the table, but that he went on tv last week to explain how utterly and completely urgent it was to pass. I mean, this guy laid it all on the line with this bill, and less than a third of his own party voted for it in the end. Less than a third!! I am still trying to get my arms around that fact, in that it is something I can never recall happening with a key piece of legislation like this in my entire life. Torpedoed by his own party. It just goes to show how little credibility this guy really does have these days. I wrote about it last week, but the Republicans in Congress are truly sick and tired of hearing Bush's unending pleas for emergency this and emergency that, only to be proven time and time again that the man is full of shit.

And those of you who are inexplicably taking the "pissed off at Congress" take on this, let me just point out that it is Bush, beyond a shadow of a doubt, who is to blame for the entire selloff yesterday in the stock market. Two weeks ago nobody had ever heard anything of no $700 billion bailout package. It was a stoopid, shitty idea from the moment it was first suggested to the President, and he took the odd and obviously unspeakably foolish approach of going straight to the Congress and then to the American public with it in the most mass-media ways he could. More than that, and this is also something I mentioned last week, but when this guy went on television, he gave without a doubt the most doomsday speech given by any President in the last generation at least. He could not have been clearer that the country was perched on the precipice of financial disaster. He told everyone in no unclear terms that we unequivocally need this bailout package, and that if we don't get it, we are all deeply and profoundly fucked. Now, in case any of you are President of this wonderful country someday, take a lesson from this as to exactly why you don't say this kind of thing on tv. Because look at what happened -- Bush did not get his bill passed yesterday, and the very people who he deliberately scared the pants off of in a political attempt to get what he wanted, they all went and immediately called their brokers, sold everything they had and ran for the hills. After all, the President directly told them they were all screwed for years to come if this bill didn't pass, the truth of which, like all the other times Bush has cried wolf, is highly suspect.

But don't worry, there was Bush just minutes after the failed vote yesterday, chiding Congress for failing to act and directly blaming them for the huge selloff in the stock market that resulted. Republicans blamed Democrats, Democrats blamed Republicans, McCain blamed Obama, Obama blamed McCain, you name it and someone was pointing the finger in that direction. Meanwhile, in reality there probably should never even have been a mention of this shitty bailout plan a few weeks ago with so little of the details worked out or even thought of. There definitely should not have been this sky-is-falling speech on national tv from the President. Then there would have been no vote on Monday at all, and if there had, people would never have freaked out like they did when it failed to pass. But Bush will never see it that way. That man has obviously lost all credibility with the legislators in this country, and with the people now as well. Personally, I don't think either one of the current candidates for President seems like the type to be able to gain any widespread bipartisan support at all -- be it because of their beliefs and platform, their attitude and demeanor, or both -- but clearly the current adminiistration has lost all effectiveness here with nearly four months left in the current term.

The bottom line is, notwithstanding a bunch of socialists trying to say otherwise, this bailout from the getgo has been designed to bail out the banks, not the people, and the American people are fucking sick of it, in particular at having to foot the $700 billion pricetag to do so. If the government wanted to bail out the people, they could amazingly easily be doing so. Give everyone who owns a home a $100,000 cash rebate with that $700 billion that is proposed to be given to the banks instead. Or more realistically, take the $700 billion and create a massive fund to help troubled borrowers who are in danger of defaulting on their homes. Use that money to encourage banks to rewrite distressed mortgages rather than foreclose on them. It cannot rationally be argued that the bailout is designed to help struggling Americans, and if people didn't fear for their portfolio values or their jobs or their homes, they wouldn't be trying to make this ludicrous argument. Clearly, from its core, the plan is designed to target banks and to help unclog the credit markets, not to directly help the U.S. consumer. Which shouldn't surprise anyone, since it was conceived and drafted solely by a guy who is the former co-CEO of Goldman Sachs in Hank Paulson. It's a banks' bill drafted by a banker in consultation from all his banker friends, which could easily be aimed at helping the people directly, but instead is solely aimed at helping free up banks, under some trickle-down sort of theory that this will help consumers in the long run.

What's more, you have got to love all these donkeys printing headlines Monday afternoon and on Tuesday like "Bailout Failure to Crush U.S. Economy" and "Congress Chooses Politics Over Economy" and the like. Even the suggestion that somehow the U.S. economy, which has been worsening and this year seems clearly destined for a solid recession that has obviously been a long time coming from even a cursory look at history, is only now going into a recession just because the Congress didn't pass this bill, is ridiculously integrity-less journalism to say the least, and biased politicism and unabashed stoopidity to be more honest about it. As I said, it's been almost a year now that the economy has been heading for a recession, and frankly if you exclude a few key areas we've already been in a recession for going on three quarters now. So you have got to be a brainless, clueless donkey to suddenly blame Congress standing up for its beliefs in the face of a universally-hated bailout bill here in late September 2008 as the thing that causes a recession. Why don't you just print instead the headline "I Am a Socialist", which is the exact same thing blaming the House of Representatives' failure to vote this bill through for the flagging U.S. economy, which has been fading fast ever since the financial leaders of our country all got burned nearly a year and a half ago now when their unbridled greed and complete lack of foresight finally caught up to them after nearly a decade of donkery. Reeeeeal smart right there.

And lastly, I can't help but end today by asking myself repeatedly wtf is up with all these people in Congress afraid to vote for the bailout because they're afraid of losing their seats come the November elections? This is something I will never understand about the U.S. system. If people think their consistuencies are so against this bailout, that them voting in favor it is going to cost them their jobs, then why the fuck is there any doubt at all about which way to vote on this thing? I don't get it. The past month's government interventions notwithstanding, this country is supposed to feature a government "of the people, by the people, for the people". As a member of Congress, if your people are so against this bill that you're going to lose your seat by voting in favor of it, then your people want you to vote against it! Get off your fucking ass and vote Nay already then! What is the god dam decision here? The people of this country largely hate this fucking bill, which is more than understandable since it is not designed to help them when it easily and obviously could be. So vote the dam thing down and do it confidently. It's your fucking job to do that, diggheads!

/end rant

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Tuesday, November 20, 2007

MATH Recap, and Improving Your Game

First off, thank you for all the encouragement from the commenters to yesterday's...uh...interesting post. Normally I might apologize to my readers for having to see that kind of rantage, but it seems that the overall reaction was one of enjoyment to read my honest thoughts, and to that extent then I am happy I could help brighten some of your days as I brightened my own just by writing that crap down. But I really do appreciate the kind words and the encouragement, and the suggestions for me to help address my poker issues these days. Who knows where this crazy game of ours will take me next, but I am truly appreciative of all you guys and the thoughts and suggestions that I have constantly been peppered with over these past couple of years. In fact that's a perfect segue into what I plan to write about today, but first let me update with what happened at the Hoy last night on full tilt.

It seems like only yesterday when I read on Daddy's blog -- in actuality about six months ago -- that he would be playing in his first Mondays at the Hoy tournament as part of the original BBT. I was honored, as I was with my regular weekly tournament's first visit by the likes of Iggy, Pauly, Al, Speaker, Change and all those guys I consider to be my literal idols and the idols of the blogiverse in general. A visit from the sickest man alive to my own private tournament was quite an honor, but I was also impressed by the quality of Daddy's play, and this week it all finally came to fruition when he took down his first Hoy title, winning the latest BBTwo Aussie Millions Tournament of Champions freeroll seat in the process after outlasting 61 of his closest fake internet friends in the most skill-based of all the Hoy tournaments we've ever run.

So with 62 runners on the night, it made for a sweet $1488 prize pool for the latest MATH event, a turbo 6-max extravaganza that I knew was designed to ensure that the most skilled player took it down and got into the Aussie Millions ToC. The action was fast and furious like only a turbo event can be, with several players busting out in the first 5 or 10 minutes just the way I like to see. Unfortunately, I did not get the chance at all to suck out on anyone, making this just like the last 85 tournaments I've played in. My starting table must read my blog, because for the first 45 minutes or so nobody would play a dam pot with me, except for one where I got 99% of the way towards being sucked out on again. Basically I had top pair, I think maybe with the sooted jackace or something, on a board of J32 with the 3 and the 2 both in my soot. Long story short, he bet the flop, I raised allin, and he called me with? 88. My Jacks were ahead and could only be beaten by two outs. Unfortunately, as we have seen recently with me, two outs twice is far more than it takes to beat me in a blonkament, and the river brought one of those two 8s to give my opponent a reflockulous set against my top pair. It wasn't until the chips slid my way that I realized it was the 8 of my soot, giving me the flush and reminding me that he actually only had one out, not the two I had thought. Still, the momentary laugh that welled up within me was worth the price of admission right there. And don't worry, about 30 minutes later I found myself allin against Loretta with two overcards and a flush draw, 15 outs total, and lost with the favored hand to knock me out of 2nd place overall. Not a suckout by any means, but worth noting. I also got recockusetup against Blinders when he was dealt pocket Aces (who the fug gets pocket Aces during a turbo? Luckbox!), following that up by flopping a set of Aces on the AKx flop, and then of course I made two pairs with KT on the river, costing me half my stack once again in the unavoidable setup hand. And then the piece de resistance, when I reraised my college buddy buckhoya allin while back in 3rd place when down to 20 players remaining with my 99, and he told me in the girly that he was calling just so he could go to bed, which he did and flipped up A9. Ace on the flop of course, and I was in last place and gone two hands later. How fun.

So, in the end I recorded no suckouts of my own and in fact never even came close, and got beat from behind once, recockulously and unavoidably set up once, and sucked out on horribly once. Chalk another one up for the bad guys. I just cannot get out of my own way in these blonkaments no matter what I do or how well or bad I play or how hard I try to get in behind and suck out. One thing I will say though is that, at least for now, I think the turbo experiement is over with the Hoy. I know, I know that's going to upset most of you, for sure. But we had some much earlier-ending tournaments for the past two weeks and hopefully that's been helpful for some of you wimps or west coasters out there, and I figure I must have been doing something right when I was switched to a new table for the first time, and sitting there in the chat from just before I showed up at the new table was this comment from NumbBono: "F Hoy and his turbo tournaments." So that's always a good sign that the public is happy with what you're doing :).

Seriously though, no more turbo for now although personally I thoroughly enjoy a good old-fashioned luckdonk fest. In fact, next week's MATH tournament is already set up on full tilt, and it is another brand new style of tournament for the Hoy: a $10 rebuy event. I've been looking forward to this one for a long time, and in fact have been talking with a few other bloggers about setting up a regular $10 rebuy blogger event, so I'm excited to move away from turbo for now and on to something else new and exciting. Now, after two early weeks for the MATH, next Monday is gonna be a late one with an hour long rebuy period starting at 10pm ET, but I remain steadfast in not changing the start time so the west coast donkeys can still get in there and contribute to the prize pool. And I picked $10 instead of the normal $26 buyin so as to keep the total buyin costs roughly the same at least for the normal non-donkified players -- you can still buy in, rebuy once and add on at the end of monkey hour all for roughly the same cost as one normal Hoy buyin. Hopefully you will all enjoy this latest variation on a common theme, and I know I for one already cannot wait until next Monday for that one. As I mentioned in my comments yesterday, I only wish I could pick my starting table next week, and stick all the luckboxes and all the suckout artists on there so I could get my revenge again and again and again against you clowns. Oh well, you can't have everything I guess.

So back to this week's MATH results. Here are your 8 cashers for the event:

1. Daddy $491.04
2. buckhoya $312.48
3. Gary Cox $215.76
4. columbo $163.68
5. cardgrrl $119.04
6. mattazuma $81.84
7. cracknaces $52.08
8. emptyman $52.08

And here is the updated 2007 MATH moneyboard, including the results of this week's tournament:

1. Columbo $1526
2. Bayne_s $1400
3. Hoyazo $1162
4. RaisingCayne $1110
5. Daddy $999
6. cmitch $840
7. Kajagugu $806
8. Astin $793
9. Pirate Wes $792
10. VinNay $775
11. Tripjax $759
12. Iggy $745
13. Gary Cox $734
14. NewinNov $677
15. Fuel55 $666
16. Lucko21 $665
17. Waffles $650
18. IslandBum1 $642
19. XxMagiciaNxX $630
19. JJ $630
21. Surflexus $608
22. Jamyhawk $576
23. Buddydank $553
24. Numbbono $549
25. swimmom95 $545
26. Chad $537
27. Emptyman $513
28. Byron $510
29. Julius Goat $507
30. bartonf $492
30. mtnrider81 $492
32. PokerBrian322 $490
33. riggstad $487
34. wormmsu $475
35. scots_chris $474
36. LJ $470
37. Mike_Maloney $456
38. RecessRampage $434
39. Otis $429
40. twoblackaces $426
41. Miami Don $402
42. Zeem $389
43. Joe Speaker $384
44. jeciimd $382
44. Jordan $382
46. Blinders $379
47. leftylu $374
48. cardgrrl $371
48. lightning36 $371
50. ChapelncHill $353
51. OMGitsPokerFool $324
52. buckhoya $312
52. oossuuu754 $312
54. Wigginx $288
55. ScottMc $282
56. Fishy McDonk $277
57. actyper $276
58. Irongirl $252
58. Manik79 $252
60. Wippy1313 $248
61. Easycure $244
62. Garthmeister $216
62. wwonka69 $216
64. Omega_man_99 $210
65. katiemother $209
66. Pushmonkey72 $208
67. Thepokergrind $198
68. Mookie $191
69. StatikKling $180
70. 23Skidoo $176
71. Santa Clauss $170
72. jimdniacc $166
73. Iakaris $162
73. Smokkee $162
75. cemfredmd $156
76. lester000 $147
77. Heffmike $145
78. Julkeus $144
79. brdweb $143
80. DDionysus $137
81. Patchmaster $135
82. InstantTragedy $129
83. NinaW $120
84. UnTiltable $118
85. Fluxer $110
86. -o-LuckTruck-o- $103
87. hoops15mt $95
88. Gracie $94
88. Scurvydog $94
90. Shag0103 $84
91. mattazuma $82
92. crazdgamer $82
93. PhinCity $80
94. Presidentdave $79
95. maf212 $78
96. evy35 $72
97. Alceste $71
97. dbirider $71
99. kevin-with-AK $66
100. Rake Feeder $53

So this turned out to be a large week for the Hoy moneyboard, as we got two big moves in the top 5. First, this week's winner, Daddy, moves into 5th place thanks to his $491 windfall in addition to his ToC seat today, an impressive performance given such a small number of MATH events he has played in. But the biggest news of all is that Columbo busted out with a big cash this week as well, propelling him above BBT1 winner Bayne and into first place for the year in total MATH winnings! This is the first time columbo has led the leaderboard all year, now with a $126 lead over Bayne in second place and nearly $400 over myself in 3rd, so congratulations out to columbo in addition to Daddy for their big moves this week in Mondays at the Hoy.

So, I struggled a lot about what to write about today, poker strategy wise. I've got tons of ideas swirling around my head as always, much of which is affected by current events in the world of poker and bloggers. In the end, I have decided that today I would write a little about improving your game. It's something that I referred to in yesterday's post and for whatever reason it's still on my mind today. I'll put it this way: anyone who is truly serious about their poker game -- anyone, with no exceptions at all -- must make constant improvement a constant focus. Period. You must. And don't get me wrong -- you can play poker all you want, and not give a crap about improving your game. I'm not trying to tell you that you have to do anything. But, if you're serious about your game, then you have no choice but to work to improve. Constantly. And it's hard work, don't get me wrong. But it has to be done, if you really, truly care about getting better. Nobody is going to deny this either.

Now, to different people, this constant focus on improving your game to prevent it from stagnating or even moving backwards can take different forms and mean different things. To some it can mean constantly reading poker books. To others it can mean regularly discussing hands and hand histories with their poker friends. Some people may join ghey forums like pokerxfactor or cardrunners and pay their hard-earned money to hear other people's strategies and thoughts on the game. Maybe others will prefer to work alone, setting aside an hour a day to review their own hand histories and take an honest look at their game and at what has been working and what hasn't been working for them. Personally, as I've said previously, I do pretty much all of the above. I've had some nice success playing this game we all know and hate love, but I go through these phases where I basically suck. I can't tell you how many times I have realized yet another weakness in my game over the past few years (and longer, really), and adjusted the way I play in those situations as a result. I remember when I was raising too much preflop. I remember when I was betting too big on the flop. I remember when I was continuation-betting too much and too indiscriminately. I remember when I was playing too loose preflop. I could go on and on. But I figured these things out about my own game, through a combination of reading, studying, talking with others and spending a huge amount of time reviewing my own hand histories, screen shots, and shit I've done at the virtual felt, both with myself and with other people whose game I respect.

What can you do to improve your game? Here are five general ideas I have used and do use regularly, not that any of these are anything revolutionary:

1. Read. I know it's hard for many people to find time to read poker books, but there simply is no other better resource for building your poker knowledge than poker books, articles and similar materials. I've mentioned this stuff several times in the past here, but to recap, following is a list of poker texts that I have personally read and that I personally will say are completely essential to anyone serious about improving:

a. Super/System. The nlh section written by Doyle was the first real poker strategy book I ever read, and to this day it remains the foundation for my style of aggressive play, truly the only strategy for playing consistently winning poker. Tournaments or cash.

b. Harrington on Holdem. As I've mentioned, I found Volume 3 to be pretty much worthless and in fact to detract overall from the value of his books, but Volume 1 is really essential for any tournament beginner, and Volume 2 is perhaps the single best book ever written about poker tournament play. I've said it here before and I'll say it again, but if you haven't read Super/System and Harrington, then I'm better than you in poker tournaments, period. 'Nuff said.

c. Caro's Book of Poker Tells. More applicable to live poker, but frankly the concepts listed here can apply more broadly to poker in general. To me this is essential reading for any serious poker player.

d. You might as well pick up the Full Tilt Poker Strategy Guide as well. This is not quite as awesome as the first three books above, but any time you can get that much accomplished, proven greatness together in one place to write about play before the flop and after the flop all in one place, it's a solid read.

e. Phil Hellmuth's Play Poker Like the Pros. If you're into learning about Limit holdem as well as the other HORSE games, and you can get around some of the worst writing style ever including massive! overuse! of! apostrophes!, then this is a great primer of those games from one of the world's indisputably best tournament poker players.

f. Theory of Poker and Holdem Poker for Advanced Players by Sklansky/Malmuth/Miller. This stuff is key for any limit holdem poker player, and you can't help but improve your no-limit game as well just from reading these classic poker texts. Period.

g. No-Limit Holdem Theory and Practice by Sklansky. A recent text but it's one that I have read and re-read at this point probably four or five times. Lots of great stuff for any nlh cash player.

The other thing I would say about reading poker books is just to say that me, personally, I tend to read these things 3 or 4 times at least before I feel like I've actually "read" them. I mean, I have without a doubt read Super/System cover to cover at least 20 times. You read that right. My copy of the book is so worn that I had to buy a new one just to be able to keep it all together. I've read those other books on the list at least 3 or 4 times, every single one of them. That's the only way to really absorb all that material, no matter how great your reading comprehension is. These aren't like novels, and it takes tons of repetition for this stuff to really sink in.

2. Practice what you read. Along with reading and re-reading the seminal poker texts out there, you have got to practice. Practice by playing while you're reading these books, and make yourself apply the techniques and strategies you're learning. If you just sit and read all day without any practice involved, you are not going to be able to "get it". There's just no way, no matter how much you read and how much you want to improve. You have to read, then practice, then read again, and then practice again. It's the only way.

3. Discuss. Find people whose poker game you respect, and talk to them. Discuss hand histories. Would they have called or folded with QQ in that spot? Would they have folded or reraised with AQ in that spot? Do they like to value bet 1/3 of the pot, 2/3 of the pot or allin in that particular situation. Run this shit by other people. And please, find people who actually have game and who actually understand how poker works. That part is up to you, but discussion with other living, breathing human beings has been a major, major reason I ever started this blog in the first place, and it has without a doubt been the single biggest reason I have had whatever successes I've had in this game.

4. Listen. To me, this really goes without saying and goes right along with item #3 above, but along with discussing poker strategy with other experienced and skilled players, you also have to listen to what these people fucking tell you. Believe me, there's no point to talking poker with other good players if you're just going to disregard what they tell you. Sadly I know a lot of people who do just this. I guess they think it sounds good or looks good or something to say to anyone who will listen how much they're working with so-and-so or whatshisname on their game, but in reality, they simply don't change their game at all as a result. The only reason to talk poker strategy with other players is to have an open mind about rethinking some of the thoughts and ideas you yourself bring to the game. Otherwise, seriously, don't waste their time or yours doing this shit. No point to talking with someone else about poker only to refuse to apply anything you hear or anything you think you're "learning".

5. Be quick to identify leaks in your game, and then react to them. Just like I mentioned in point #4 above, it does you no good to continually identify the same weakness over and over and over and over and over again, and then just keep making the same exact mistake that you know exists, over and over and over and over and over again. That is insanity. If you realize that you have been c-betting too regularly and need to pay more attention to the texture of the flop, then start paying more fucking attention to the texture of the flop. If you find you have been misplaying middle pocket pairs, then try something new the next time you're dealt a pocket pair. Play it less aggressively, or even fold them more preflop if you have to if you've been continually busting with these hands from tournaments of late. If you wake up one day and realize that you've been putting everyone else on a bluff every single time they raise from late position preflop and losing a lot of big pots as a result, then stop assuming these people are always bluffing so much. In some ways you're a damn fool if you keep identifying the same problems again and again, but you just keep reacting in the exact same way every next time you're placed in that situation. Identify, and react. Don't just identify and identify and identify the same problems without attempting to fix them.

6. Don't make instantaneous decisions at the table. I can't stress how important this one is, especially to some people, and invariably it seems to be tied up very well with item #5 above. You can't imagine what I feel when I see someone who I know claims has been working on a particular leak in his game, just go and do the same dumb, indefensibly -EV instacall the very next time they're faced with the same situation. Instacalling has its time and its place, and I'm not trying to condemn the entire practice of instacalling as an activity here. But what I am saying is, there is nothing wrong at all with taking a few seconds, or even several seconds, any time you are faced with a situation at the poker table where you might have an opportunity to make a smarter, better-thought-out play. So, back to our examples above, if you've been calling off too much bullshit with shitty medium pocket pairs for a long time, you cannot allow yourself to be the person instacalling two big preflop allin reraises with pocket 6s early in a tournament and with one guy still to act behind you who has already called one preflop raise in the hand. That is indefensible and it is the definition of not getting better. Instacalling has a time and a place, but most of the time it's a bad idea in most poker situations. If you could get just that idea into your head, your game will improve right there, without a doubt.

And next time you instacall two allins ahead of you even with a hand like pocket 9s, you just fucked up. You might go on to win the hand. You might actually make the call and turn out to be up against pocket 8s and pocket 7s. But if you instacalled there, that is bad tournament poker and you just fucked up. Indisputably. Accept it.

OK that's all for today. Tonight will be my first night at the virtual felt without a blonkament (no bodog for this donkey) and without FTOPS to focus on for better than a month now, so it will be interesting to see where I end up sitting in my nightly tribulations at full tilt. If you have any fun ideas, hit me up on the girly chat and I'll get in there with you.

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Monday, November 19, 2007

Thinking Happy Thoughts

I was going to start today by saying that I don't even know where to begin, but to be honest, I've already been starting off like that for at least a week or so, and the shit I've endured and seen over the past several days in the poker world has only gotten worse. I don't even know where to begin beginning anymore. I've already given up ever winning a BBTwo tournament, I've already lost every which way imaginable in the FTOPS, and I already can't stop myself from losing to instacalls by utter donkeys, even with completely shitty hands that are significantly behind my own. The depths to which my frustration and outright anger about this game have sunk are without a doubt at an all-time low, and I don't even need to say stoopid things about what I'm going to do or not do about it anymore. I am at a total and complete loss. I know reading this blog has been like reading a depressed, angry mental patient's memoirs over the past few weeks, and let me tell you right now: it's only going to get worse. If you haven't enjoyed reading recently any more than I've enjoyed writing and (believe me) living through this shit, then stop now.

I guess first let me update you on what's happened since I posted here last. On Friday was FTOPS #12 in limit holdem. I dominated that tournament, tremendously. As with just about every other FTOPS tournament I played in (more on that later), I made it well through half the field and had more than twice the average stack about 3 1/2 hours in. Then, in the span of 15 minutes, it was river suckout, river suckout, and then when short-stacked, run TPTK into pocket Aces, and I was done. Just like that. I'd love to say I messed something up in there, but there's no way you could play it any differently than I played any of those three hands that is anything but -EV as compared to what I did. I was ahead, I knew I was ahead, and then I got riversucked for a straight and for trips, and then of course there was the pocket Aces. In fact, at the same time on Friday night I played in the donkament, and wouldn't ya know it I got busted with TPTK vs. pocket Aces there too, the fourth fucking time I ran into pocket Aces in just that tournament alone, and I'm talking about just probably 90 minutes of play.

On Saturday night I sat down to play my one and only satellite into the FTOPS ME. It was one of those $100 buyin satellites, it had 74 players and I believe paid 14 spots into the ME. I dominated. It was ugly what I did to people. Again and again. I was in 1st place when we reached the 14 money spots, and I ended up winning it outright just for good measure. I played in the ME on Sunday evening at 6pm ET, and I quickly doubled up against a complete tool when I flopped a set of 8s on a Queen-high flop, and this jackass paid me off his entire stack with me betting or even raising on every single street when he had just KQ. Good stuff. Anyways I ran through this thing playing very, very well, and spent most of the first 3 1/2 hours of the tournament at around 15k, three times the starting "superstack" of 5k. Then this fun hand went down against the table chip leader:

FullTiltPoker Game #4222309179: FTOPS Main Event (30641981), Table 162 - 200/400 Ante 50 - No Limit Hold'em - 21:40:27 ET - 2007/11/18
Seat 1: EroEza (9,012)
Seat 2: Hockeystud94 (17,050)
Seat 3: tilteymcfish (13,290)
Seat 4: BrandonPL (10,053)
Seat 5: The-Toilet 0 (11,843)
Seat 6: iranewport (19,630)
Seat 7: hoyazo (17,677)
Seat 8: 2raven (39,611)
Seat 9: pcon23 (25,483)
The button is in seat #8
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to hoyazo [Ad Ac]
*Action folds around to me in the cutoff.
hoyazo raises to 1,640
2raven calls 1,640
*Everyone else folds, so we see a heads-up flop:
*** FLOP *** [9s 3c 2s]
hoyazo bets 3,400
2raven calls 3,400
*** TURN *** [9s 3c 2s] [3s]
hoyazo checks
2raven bets 8,000
hoyazo raises to 12,587, and is all in
2raven calls 4,587
hoyazo shows [Ad Ac]
2raven shows [6h 6s]
*** RIVER *** [9s 3c 2s 3s] [8s]
hoyazo shows two pair, Aces and Threes
2raven shows a flush, Nine high
2raven wins the pot (36,304) with a flush, Nine high
hoyazo stands up

I do have the screenshots of this entire hand but I just can't stand looking at these piles of dogshit anymore. I really can't. All I know is, this is just the latest in a long long string of examples where I show the patience to wait until after the fucking turn card before getting allin, and still get megafucked. I mean, it's not like I slow-played pocket Aces to see a river, which is just about the fucking stoopidest thing anyone with AA can ever do in holdem (and yet I see it all the time). I raised my standard amount preflop from the cutoff when I was sure I was ahead, and the table chip leader called me from the blinds. I bet out my standard amount on the flop -- a little more than 2/3 of the 4300-chip pot -- when I was again sure I was ahead, and it was the raggiest flop you could imagine. Dinkhead table chip leader calls me out of the blinds. Now with about 12k in the pot, I check to the guy I am manipiulating like clay, and he bets out 8k into the 12k pot. I could not possibly be any happier of course, and I insta-push for my last 4500 or so on top. Now at this point it's 4k for him to call into a pot that is around 28k, so I can't kill him for not folding here. I thought for sure he would call, and I was dancing in my room knowing that he probably would. If you think I wanted him to fold here, then you're nuts. I'll take that last 4500 chips from him, why the F not! All I know is, I bet standard preflop, and I bet standard on the flop, and then I checkraised allin on the turn. So that ain't slowplaying AA. That's what we in the business call kicking the crap out of the table big stack and doubling up with AA by playing it perfectly. Beyond perfectly. He made a horrible play, but I can't blame him. I've yet to meet the person who doesn't double me up with the way I played that hand. It's not possible. I was just that good.

Then the river completes his 11-outer 24% shot, that he could not possibly think was anything more than a 2-outer btw, and IGH in 1331st place out of 4371 runners. I was one card away from being back in the top 100 in chips, and suddenly the fonkey who has lucksacked (obviously) his way into the table big stack knocks me out by playing so unmitigatingly poorly that the full tilt rng just has to reward him. What the flock can I do better than this? Like I said, if I slowplayed those Aces on any street, maybe you could question me. But I bet preflop, I bet the flop and I checkraised allin on the turn. It was perfect. Perfect doesn't even begin to describe it. I effed the guy and then full tilt effed me. Story of my life on full tilt poker dot comsucker.

I also played the Big Game on Sunday night, the latest BBTwo tournament, and I played well in that too, getting out to a decent win early on and then maintaining my stack above the 5000-chip starting stack from beginning to end of the tournament. Unfortunately, that end was about 90 minutes in, in 30-somethingth place, on one of the worst setup hands I have endured in some time:

FullTiltPoker Game #4223382025: Blogger Big Game (31592875), Table 4 - 150/300 Ante 25 - No Limit Hold'em - 23:17:40 ET - 2007/11/18
Seat 1: DonkeyPuncher74 (6,552)
Seat 2: Kajagugu (7,330)
Seat 3: irongirl01 (2,165)
Seat 4: HighOnPoker (10,935)
Seat 5: cmitch (15,361)
Seat 6: hoyazo (11,590)
Seat 7: OtisDart (14,472)
Seat 9: twoblackaces (4,270)
cmitch posts the small blind of 150
hoyazo posts the big blind of 300
The button is in seat #4
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to hoyazo [4c Th]
*Action folds to cmitch in the small blind.
cmitch calls 150
hoyazo checks
*** FLOP *** [8s Qh Tc]
cmitch checks
hoyazo bets 600
cmitch calls 600 So here I bet the flop with my second pair in the blind vs blind battle. I figured going in my Ten was most likely ahead, but when cmitch, a known tighty, called that bet, I figured maybe he happens to have a Queen. But don't worry, that's not the setup part of the hand. No way I'm going broke with 2nd pair 4 kicker, even in a blind vs. blind confrontation. Not a chance in hell.
*** TURN *** [8s Qh Tc] [Td]
cmitch bets 900
hoyazo calls 900 Now look at me. I'm so evil. First I bet out with 2nd pair, got called and put cmitch on a Queen, two pairs, something like that after he called me. Now I've turned trips and I have mitch exactly where I want him. What's more, this time he leads out against me. After I led out on the flop and he called. It's obvious he has a Queen or something similar at this point. So what do I do? I just call that bet. Like I said, I'm evil what can I say?
*** RIVER *** [8s Qh Tc Td] [6s]
cmitch bets 2,400
hoyazo has 15 seconds left to act
hoyazo raises to 9,765, and is all in
cmitch has 15 seconds left to act
cmitch: man - horrible freaking turn card
cmitch has requested TIME
cmitch: yuk
cmitch: yuk
hoyazo: youre calling
hoyazo: i can tell
hoyazo: you dont believe
cmitch: u have a boat
cmitch: ?
cmitch calls 7,365
hoyazo: no i dont even have a car Great example of the humorous chat you always get from me in any tournament, even if you're too out of it to recognize my stellar play like most of you fuggerz.
*** SHOW DOWN ***
hoyazo shows [4c Th] three of a kind, Tens
cmitch shows [Js 9h] a straight, Queen high
cmitch wins the pot (23,330) with a straight, Queen high
hoyazo stands up

Now how do you not love that? So cmitch flopped a straight with J9o out of the small blind. So what if that hasn't happened for me in approximately the last seven years? I can live with that. It's the Ten on the turn that made this hand into the monstrous setup that it was. There is no way I can possibly think I'm behind in this hand once I trip up on the turn, even with my shit kicker. Anyone out there who doesn't go broke here? Then you're a fucking idiot. So there.

I guess without getting into the details, let me just say that I watched a lot, a lot, of absolutely horrible poker this weekend, basically seeing it repeatedly get rewarded in sick, disgusting and truly unbelievable ways. Some of this happened against me, and some of it was just things I saw from the rail. People with clearly no clue of how tournament poker works. People who obviously just wanted to go home. People who were so tilted that they had decided they were going allin before the hand even started regardless of what they were dealt or the action ahead of them. Again and again and again it got rewarded this weekend. There are not even words to describe the shit I saw. And yet all I did was get sucked out on 14 times over the weekend, with exactly, precisely zero suckouts in my favor over the same timespan. Think about it, you guys who played the donkament and the Big Game with me and/or who railed me in the FTOPS ME -- not one of you fonks saw me suck out on anyone even once. 14 suckouts against, zero suckouts for, over a good 10 or 15 hours of poker. Think about that, for real. Can any of you even really imagine what that must feel like? How the fuck do I still have a bankroll on full tilt? Seriously.

Btw congratulations to VinNay for winning the next BBTwo Aussie Millions Tournament of Champions seat in the Big Game on Sunday. And congrats to jeciimd for his second place finish in the Big Game, following up on his Big Game victory from last month. That guy is on such a roll right now. Seriously guys, I do not understand why you people who run good all the time do not play the big tournaments all the time. How do you not? With the way I saw some people running this weekend -- again and again and afuckingain -- how can you not be finding the money to play in the biggest tournaments? I just don't understand. If I ran like that -- or if I even just didn't run horribly at all times every second of every minute of every day of every week of every month of every year of every decade of every century of every milennium -- you could not keep me away from the big weekly Sunday tournaments on full tilt and the similar shit on fuckerstars. You couldn't pay me not to play in them. I would play poker professionally and I would probably make 10-20 grand a day playing tournaments.

But instead I am perpetually cursed to get in ahead and finish up behind. How the fuck do I still even have a roll on full tilt? I honestly cannot explain it. With the sickass luckboxes I play against regularly, these people who don't even care to learn anything about poker or to better their sorrowfully flawed play and prefer instead to just keep making the same mistakes over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, I just can't understand it and I am having an incredibly difficuilt time right now even dealing with it all, just taking it all in. You know, there are plenty -- believe me -- of bad poker players among our group of ghey bloggers. But even some of the bad ones are obviously trying to better themselves, trying to figure out what goes wrong and striving to get better. And I respect that. Those people have a little bit of me in them. Sure, they haven't spent the last five years reading every single poker book ever put out onto the market and constantly practicing what they're reading and consistently focusing on their game, their mistakes and on improving their decision-making. But even some of the poor players you can just tell are trying to get better, even if only in their own ways. It's the people who just make no effort whatsoever to improve that are getting to me lately. I don't know. I am more down on poker right now for sure than I've been at any time since starting this blog. I may need to go back and read through my archives from 600 posts ago and see how true that really is. I remember getting sucked out on to bust out of I think 15 or 16 consecutive tournaments on fuckerstars. But I left that site long ago and it's been much better since then. I can honestly say I'll never go back to dickwadstars, because I think the site sucks and I hope it licks my balls. This is as low as it gets for me. At least I hope it can't get any lower than this.

OK after that positive spin on things, tonight is the latest fucking BBTwo tournament -- Fucking Mondays at the Shiteating Hoy.



FMATSH goes off tonight at 10pm ET as always on full fucking fucktilt. Password as always is "hammer". Tonight as I've mentioned previously will be turbo 6-max holdem. If you don't like that format, then please take your shitty titty poker game and fuck off. And in case you're wondering, I meant what I said last week when I said I had given up on doing well in these fonkfests. I'll tell you shitheads what I'm going to do tonight -- I am going to suck out on someone. Bad. At least I'm going to try. I saw so many people win so many huge hands this weekend by calling huge preflop allins with big stacks and pocket 4s, by instapushing in huge massive overbets with 95o and getting called by strong hands, that tonight my only goal in life is to play like a fucking monkey without a clue about tournament poker and ruin somebody's night. That's what I've been reduced to. You fuckers think you're the only ones who can act like shitcocks and consistently get away with it? Well you're right -- obviously I will get donked early whenever I try to play the exact opposite of smart tournament poker like I described above and suck out on someone else. But I'm going to try anyways. For the FMATSH's $26 buyin tonight, all I want to do is ruin someone's else night. Destroy their chance at making the BBTwo ToC freeroll, and crush their dreams of going to Australia to donk themselves out of a real poker tournament in the first hour or two because that anushead hasn't got the first fucking clue how to play this game and not a bone in their body is interested in trying to improve. All you assholes who sit around and rely on refuckulous luck and idiotic play to win a buck or two once in a long, long while, watch out tonight. I'm not even going to think about trying to win, cash, make the points, or even survive at all in the MATH tonight. Tonight is all about trying my damnedest to do to some of you little shits what's been done to me and what I've seen you do to others for farrrrr too long.

Tonight I am coming for you. Be there at 10pm ET on fuck tilt "poker".

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Friday, September 21, 2007

Friday Rant

As I look around the world today, I see a whole lot of redonkulousness and have to spew a little bit about some of it here.

First we have OJ back in the headlines after getting together a posse of armed goons and busting in to a hotel room to allegedly steal back some sports paraphanaelia that allegedly belongs rightfully to OJ. I'll believe that when I see the proof. You know, OJ, most of us just call the police when something that is indisputably ours has been stolen from us and you know exactly where the culprits are, in an enclosed room, with the stolen contraband right there with them. I heard a funny quote from a caller on sports radio on Monday night from someone who said "The Niners are 2-0. The Packers are 2-0. The Cowboys are 2-0. And OJ is back in jail. It's like the mid 1990s all over again!" Well said, Jerome from Manhattan.

But that's even not the best part of this story as far as I'm concerned. The part that I love the most is OJ's quote after being arrested and held behind bars without bail while the police sort things out. "I'm O.J. Simpson," the disgraced grid great told The Los Angeles Times yesterday. "How am I going to think that I'm going to rob somebody and get away with it?"

Hmmmmmmm....Now why would OJ ever think he could get away with something like this?

You have gotta love people sometimes. Especially completely out-of-body-no-concept-of-reality loopy psychopaths like OJ Simpson.

And please, if OJ asks any of you readers out there for my address after reading this, just tell them I live in Vegas and respond to the name "poker champ".

OK now let's talk for a minute about another falling former sports star: Isaiah Thomas. Thomas is currently embroiled in a sexual harrassment suit by a former employee of the New York Knicks who claims that Thomas made numerous unwanted sexual advances and comments directed at her, in addition to using a number of racial and sexual epithets and slurs in conversations to her and about her. All this while Thomas has consistently run one of the great sports franchises in America into the ground, making move after move as the GM that failed to pan out, and now recently after taking over as coach and leading the team to yet another dismal, shitty season. The part of this story that I love is this quote from a Newsday article from late Monday / early Tuesday of this week:

"While Thomas stated in the deposition, which took place Dec. 8, 2006, that he didn't direct obscenities at Browne Sanders, he said it would be less offensive for a black man rather than a white man to use such language toward a black woman."

I figure Duggles if nothing else will have a field day with this comment. It refers to the fact that Thomas's accuser has testified that Thomas called her "bitch" and in fact began all his sentences to her with the word. As in "Bitch, I don't care about the fucking fans" and "Bitch I don't care about them white people", etc. But that's ok, according to Thomas, because he's black, and it's acceptable for a black man to repeatedly refer to a black woman as bitch. But if a white man referred to a black woman as bitch repeatedly, Thomas stated in his deposition, "that would clearly violate his own code of conduct."

Hmmmm. I guess after reading that I have just one thing to say to Isaiah Thomas, and I summon all my blackness when I say this: Bitch, you better get your team into the playoffs this year, or bitch you gonna be without a job. Bitch.

While I'm on the topic of sports shittiness, my Philadelphia Eagles shat the bed in a huge way this week on Monday Night Football on ESPN. It is always bad when your team goes on national tv and stinks up the joint like that. One thing is abundantly clear to me now, and this is probably all I'll say about the topic for now, but Donovan McNabb is just not healthy. Period. He had about eight of those we-all-know-you're-injured throws against the hated Redskins, 4 or 5 of them about 5 feet above his intended target, and another 3 or 4 that went straight into the ground nowhere near where any receivers were standing. He seemed to be favoring his front leg from what I saw of the game even when he threw normally and the few times he scrambled a bit, and he blatantly missed wide open receivers on 10- and 15-yard throws including some in the end zone or right near it. McNabb, always one of my favorite players in the NFL, has got to go and go now. That's all there is to it. Like I said before, I don't want him cut or anything necessarily, but we need to get another starter in there right away instead of a half-able DMac. I think we all learned last season how bad we can be with a semi-injured McNabb (1-4 in his last five games last season, plus now 0-2 this year after Miggy's return from leg surgery), and how great we can be as soon as you get a serviceable replacement in there. Now I don't know if this Kevin Kolb dork is the answer in Philadelphia, but while McNabb stays in there in his clearly not healthy state, it's all bad for Philadelphia Eagles fans. The Redskins are still a shit team and they basically played drab football last Monday, don't get me wrong, but this year is starting off All Wrong for the Eagles. God I hate when my NFL team sucks early in the season.

Speaking of the NFL, let's get to this week's picks as I look to the right the ship after an 0-2 debacle last week courtesy of the Bengals' defense and McNabb's injured body parts. This week there is honestly one game that is the single biggest setup line I've ever seen in my entire life. In fact, this line is so goddam stoopid that I had to look it up on like three different sites to see if it is even correct, because if anything it looks to me like the number is right, but the wrong team is favored by that amount. This weekend, the 2-0 Lions are coming in to 0-2 Philadelphia, yes they of the still injured quarterback and the zero offense to speak of. And the zero defense while they're at it. So the undefeated Lions are coming to the Linc to play the winless Eagles, where the Eagles just got embarrassed this past Monday night against the horrid Redskins, and what's the line on the game? Lions favored by how much? 5? 3? Pick'em even? Well, guess what. Somehow the 2-0 Lions are 6.5 point underdogs to the Eagles, totally out of the blue. This is truly the biggest setup line I have ever seen in my entire life. The Lions will almost surely win this game outright, as the matchup of their potent offense against the Eagles embarrassment of a defense should take them well into the 25+ point range, and here they are not only favored to lose to an 0-2 team coming off a shortened week, but they are getting 6.5 points to boot. So here's my thought: clearly, the Eagles are going to cover that 6.5 point spread. Bet the Eagles. I don't know why, I think we are terrible right now with Injuryboy McNabb in there, but one way or the other I say you have to take the Eagles to cover the 6.5 in the dumbestassest line I can ever remember seeing in an NFL game.

For my other pick this week, I like the New York Jets to smush the Miami Dolphins in New Jersey this weekend, so I'm taking them minus the 3 point spread in that one. The Jets have a great coach, a great quarterback coming back in Chad Pennington, and still one of the league's top receivers in Lavernaeus Coles. I'm sure I spelled that name wrong, but whose fault is that, really? Mine? I think not. What kind of name is La-vern-e-us anyways, for a man? Not a good one let me tell you. But I think the Jets bounce back and bounce back nicely this week after two tough losses to top AFC teams in Baltimore and New England. 3 points should be no problem to cover this week.

So to recap, my NFL picks this week are:

1. Philadelphia +6.5 at home over the Lions. Dumbest setup line of the year, it must be a setup.

2. NY Jets -3 over the Dolphins. This one should be a solid Jets win I'm thinking.

One other side item to note: this has been the best season of Major League Baseball in as long as I can remember I think. I can't recall a year with such a good race coming down to the wire in the NL West, NL Central, and the NL and AL East divisions, including two huge potential collapses by the Mets and the Red Sox to now be threatened to lose their divisional leads that both seemed utterly insurmountable for mostly this entire season, including as recently as just a couple weeks ago in each case. In particular, my beloved Phillies have made quite a run at the Mets, as of late Thursday night now just 1.5 games back with I think 9 games to play. The sad thing about all this is -- and you can only really understand what I'm saying here if you've been a lifelong Philadelphia sports fan like I have -- but the real Philly fans already know with 100% certainty how this year's Phillies season ends up shaking out. We'll miss the playoffs, falling just short after making this big run and faking everybody into buying in to the team, into jumping on the bandwagon and really thinking we could sneak into the playoffs as a result. Same as last year, and the same as the year before that. So don't believe the hype about the Phillies making this incredible late playoff push. No way, no how no chance do the Phillies make the playoffs this year. Ask anyone who spent a long portion of their life in Philly, and they'll tell ya. Am I right Al or what?

That's all for today's rant. I busted in 11th place from Thursday night's Riverchasers tournament on full tilt after a great run that ended with me pushing allin on the big blind on a preflop reraise with 44 and getting called by Astin's AK. Hard to complain about that I think, especially since Astin's raise came from the button and double especially since we were 6-handed when it happened, what can you do. On Friday night is the latest Donkament, hosted by Kat, which is the $1 rebuy donxtravanganza at 9pm ET on full tilt (password is "donkarama"), and which as usual I will try to play but I often have issues with the timing on a Friday evening. Otherwise I should be on over the weekend around my usual times, so feel free to stop by and say hello, either on the girly chat or in the poker room chat itself on full tilt. For some reason ftp remains my main online poker stomping ground despite the hideous results I have experienced exclusively there over the past two weeks. Guess that means I choose masochism instead of nihlism, who knows.

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Saturday, April 28, 2007

Blogger Bracelet Race, and Cash Game Fonkeyrape

Do not forget about this!



That's right, we are sending a bona fide poker blogger to the World Series of Poker this Sunday night! You can email the address listed on the graphic above, or feel free to hit me up on the girly chat or at the tables and I will get you the password to this mega huge private tournament. But we need something over 50 players in order to get the prize package up to the $1500 pricetag on the smaller WSOP events, so get out there early and sign up for the event among the bloggers. I will be there, defying my and Hammer Wife's weekly plans to watch The Sopranos together on Sundays sans full tilt, and blowing off the my Hammer Girls' bed-putting responsibilities to boot. So if I can take on all that heat on the home front for this tournament, then you dam well can come out and make this blogger bracelet race the huge event that it is going to be. See you there muthafuckas!!


While you're here, check out how I got nailed for a $411 pot in a set-over-set confrontation that I think never should have happened. I can only play a hand so perfectly, but sometimes the poker gods rape my anus for a huge pile anyways, no matter how little regard for his money the donkey at the table shows.

I call a pot-raise preflop with pocket 5s. I flop a set, with an Ace on the board to boot. Set mining baybeee! Ching ching ching!



OK so even though I called his pot-raise preflop, and an Ace and a Ten fell on the flop (both overcards to his shitty pair), donkey bets out standard $15 into a $20 pot. He has to figure he's beat here and drawing to just two outs, but I guess he feels compelled to throw out the standard size c-bet anyways. It's pronounced FORM - yew - lay - ik. Well, I've learned from some of the hands I've had up on the blog this week, and all the comments I've received -- Lucko has gotten through to me with all his FPS talk, and this time I'm determined to build this pot right here and now. I'm hoping he must have an Ace to have just wasted $15 on that flop bet. Please let it be AK or AQ:



And the donkey calls, wasting another $20 into the pot. So far he has just thrown away 35 perfectly good dollars, stuff he could have bought his young boy porn with just as good as the credit cards he'll have to use for that instead when he gets stacked for all his money probably 10 minutes into his next session of playing like this. Again, this is exactly the kind of formulaic play I've been talking about at the cash tables. A certain kind of player -- and yes make no mistake, this is one of the ultimate fish qualities that we all love to make money from -- simply cannot handle admitting that he just got caught. They make a dumb bet, you raise them, they obviously know they're beat, but they find themselves clicking the "call" button anyways. What was this clown thinking when he called my raise on that flop? "My pocket 7s are good against the guy who called my preflop raise, two overcards Ten or higher fell to make my pair basically worthless against a preflop raise-caller, and then he raised me big on the flop after I formula c-bet anyways?" Christ it is so clear how it's easy to make money at 1-2 against players like this.

OK so a harmess 7 falls on the turn. What's more, Butch now bets out $50 into the $88 pot:



OK now after he called my flop raise, this bet was enough to give me some pause. Now tell me cash gamers, what am I supposed to do with this bet? Sure he could have a set of Aces or a set of Tens, but I really think he would have been more likely to have reraised me on the flop there than just smooth call, so I have to discount those holdings. Possible for sure, but not as likely as some other holdings which fit the action so far even better. Obviously he doesn't have pocket 7s for the turned set, because only an abject fuckface is going to bet out on the flop and then call my $35 flop raise with just pocket 7s on the AT5 board. So I figured I had to put him on either AK, AQ, or maybe even AT for top two pairs. Was that a bad assumption on my part? Would you cash donks have reraised here, smooth called, or folded your hand? Please tell me I played this hand wrong, because I need to learn why that is, if I did.

I reraised with my clear winner in my opinion at the time:



Yes I made the baby jebus cry with the minraise. I just figured that by betting out, he's obviously going to call my minraise and therefore it's the best way to get it all into the middle. He responded my moving allin for another $61 on top, which I knew I had to call at that point, thinking as much as before that he was most likely to have AK or AT.



Wrong! I forgot the cardinal rule: bloggers really will call a flop raise with pocket 7s on an ATx board against a guy who called their preflop raise. Unbelievable call there IMO. Tell me I'm wrong, cash donkeys!!

$411 pot, raped from me and given to the donkey who not only can't keep himself from betting out with a clear loser on the flop, but he couldn't even fold to my nice raise on the flop. That generous man might as well have been writing me a check when he called that flop raise. Donks who just can't get away from their hands, even when they get caught essentialy bluffing with just two outs. Un. fucking. Believable.

To his credit, I see that Butch Howard has a fun writeup on his blog this morning recounting his play from last night, and basically taking credit for playing like abject donkey in that hand against me, referring to his call of my flop raise as a "WTF call". OK. To his determinent, however, it appears that after not fucking being able to get away from shitty pocket 7s on an AT5 flop against me and sucking out an 11-to-1 shot to stack me, he also could not get away from pocket Aces against a set of Queens for a $520 pot when he rivered a third Ace is another stellar 19-to-1 hit. Still later it appears Butch could not get away from KK on a board with two Aces on it. Notcing a pattern?

I can't stand having to wonder all the time when the phuck I'm going to start being happy for all the donkeys sitting at the table with me. In two years of active online play, I would estimate that I've lost maybe 15,000 dollars or $T more to donkey plays than I have won from them. When the phuck is that going to even out?

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Friday, April 27, 2007

A Little FTOPS Love, Cash Game Discussion, and Another Funny Cash Hand

Finally today I have a little bit of FTOPS love to report. To be honest, I have not been focusing on the FTOPS satellites nearly as much as I should have so far since they started maybe a week and a half ago. Normally I would have been all over qualifying for as many events as I can since the very first day they appeared on full tilt. But, I've had a lot of other things I've been focusing on with my poker play, not the least of which is my cash games (another very profitable night last night, more on that later), more bracelet races and the WSOP main event qualifiers since the large-buyin sats have such favorable payout structures, as well as my nightly 30k sats and other regular activities on the virtual felt. And I've also focused more time than I wish I had on the avatar races and related satellites, which would win me an entry into five FTOPS events at once -- at least one of which I cannot actually play in, mind you -- but where the play in the satellites and even in the avatar race itself has been so goddam awful that at times it's kinda like trying to win the WWdN or something. Painful. As a result, I have not been able to get anywhere significant with the avatar races, and since I've focused so much on those, I probably haven't played more than 5 or 6 individual-event FTOPS satellites, which in the past have been profitable plays for me. In the few that I have played before the last day or two, I've donked hard in a couple when I was actually playing on megatilt, and I've gotten donked by fonkeys on more than one occasion as well. In all, qualifying for the FTOPS in my half-assed way has proven to be highly frustrating for me, not to mention fruitless. I am highly competitive and driven, and my poker play has always been very goal-oriented. I want to play in as many FTOPS events as I can -- and I honestly believe that the entire online poker landscape is likely to be very, very different by the time the next FTOPS comes around, presumably in August, once the regulations under the UIGEA have been promulgated -- and so far, nothing good to report whatsoever.

All that finally changed for me late this week. Either Wednesday or Thursday night (it all blends together for me, especially as I've been sick this week thanks to the Hammer Girls and the wonders of contagious viruses), I took on a $26 buyin mtt sat to the FTOPS HOSE event #5, which ended up being more like an sng as only 9 players entered the event. Now let me say for the record that, despite how effing frustrating razz can be, I am better than most players I bump into out there, in particular most players in the HORSE events generally for sure, and I just find it lame and almost sacreligious to be arbitrarily removing razz from the normal HORSE rotation. I don't really think this hurts my chances so much of performing well in such a multi-game event, but that doesn't mean I think it's right to just take razz out because, well, I don't even know why someone would do that. To me it's lame lame lame. But whatever, so I played in this 1-table mtt, with the winner getting a seat into the FTOPS HOSE event, and 2nd place thru 9th place winning diock. I hate that structure, which is the whole reason I prefer the mtt satellites to the sng satellites, but it was the hand I was dealt this week (pun intended) so I went with it:



This satellite was sick as ballz as we neared the end. I had played very well, getting paid handsomely on a turned boat in holdem and on a spectacular nut flush-nut low in O8, and I was actually up about 10k to 1k to 1k with just three players remaining. It took me overcoming not one, not two but three stoopid suckouts to finally take out the guy in third place, with me once again up around 10k to 2k as heads-up play began. I was extremely card dead (we were just starting the latest O8 round as we got down to heads-up), and with such a large chip lead there was just no reason for me to play any starting hands that were not strong. Eventually he limped in preflop and I checked my option to see a free flop with AQ86. The flop came JT9, making me the second-nut straight with no low possible, and my opponent called my check-raise on the flop, getting most of his chips in in the process. Then when a rag fell on the turn, I bet out, and my opponent called off the rest of his chips, flipping up J9xx and wishing me luck in the FTOPS in the chat while he did so, leaving him dead to just four outs (the remaining two Jacks and two 9s) for me to win the seat. But the hideous 9 on the river suddenly brought him from the very brink of elimination back to basically even with my stack, and with me tilting out of my mind after a fourth or fifth suckout over just the past 10 minutes or so of play and about a 5-to-1 chip advantage at the beginning of heads-up play. After this latest suckout, we went back and forth several times, and with my tilt ever-increasing I was just about ready to kill somebody. Eventualy, luckily about two hands before I literally threw in the towel and just pushed with anything (we were playing stud high at this point), apparently my opponent got to his own towel-throwing point and pushed in his stack (about 70% the size of my stack at the time) progressively allin over 3rd, 4th and 5th streets with nothing more than a split pair of 2s. I had started with KQ(T), and eventually on fifth street just as my opponent moved in the last of his chips, I paired my Ten. I picked up two pair Kings over Tens on 6th, but he also picked up a runner-runner flush draw. With one eye closed and the other squinting tightly, I saw as he missed another big suckout at the river and I took down the winner-take-all satellite. So here is me registered for FTOPS Event #5 (HOSE):



On a related front, I also qualified for FTOPS Event #1 in nlh a night or two ago. This was another mtt satellite that paid the top two seats out of I think a 22- or 24-person field, and by the end I had managed to get into a dominant position, with about a 20k stack vs two sub-10k stacks in my last two opponents, with just two of us getting awarded seats to event #1. I eventually held on to make it in, although for some reason my screenshots from this event did not capture correctly, so all I have for you to see is me registered in FTOPS Event #1 as of now as well:



I guess it looks like I only managed to capture half of the FTOPS #1 window there. Well enjoy it cuz that's all I got for ya. So I am in to FTOPS Events #1 and #5, which will run on Friday night May 11 (#1) and Tuesday night May 15 (#5).

Looking at the other events I would like to play in, there are events #6 through #8, which are also on weekday evenings which is the optimal time for me, and also Event #4 on Monday the 14th is very attractive to me, in that it also has that 9pm ET start time that I like, but it carries a $1000 buyin. Now even though my roll could support me buying in directly to a 1k event, there is precisely zero chance that I would ever do that, especially with the fonkeys I run into regularly in online play. So, I did something on Thursday that I will only do for this particular event, which is play in a super satellite that awards seats to the $216-buyin satellite tournament on Monday, May 14 at 6:30pm ET, a few hours before the actual FTOPS Event #4 is scheduled to go off. Knowing this would require me to leave work early that day, I figured it is nonetheless my only realistic chance to play in the biggest buyin FTOPS event in FTOPS IV (including even the main event which sports a "mere" $535 buyin), since I do not foresee myself playing in the $165-buyin mtt satellite into FTOPS #4 that runs nightly at I think 11:15pm ET. So anyways, on Thursday I played in the mtt super sat to FTOPS Event #4 ($1000 nlh), which again was more like an sng than an mtt with just 8 players starting at one table:



Boooooom! The highlights here were me getting redickulously sucked out on twice at the river in the final 30 minutes, but then me laying one sickass bad beat of my own against one of these suckerouters when my tilt-allin with J7o four-flushed against my opponent's TT allin preflop. He can eat it, and I'll take the victory with the exact same pride as I do any other win I care about. J7o this, muthafucka. So I am now registered for that satellite to FTOPS #4 on Monday, May 14 at 6:30pm ET -- my only chance to play in the $1000 buyin tournament.

So that's it for my progress far on the FTOPS front, although I plan to play in more of these mtt satellites over the next few weeks to try to play my way in to whichever events I am able to get into. I did want to mention briefly here one new satellite full tilt has been running for the FTOPS over the past three days or so. It is called the FTOPS mega super satellite, and it is actually a satellite with a $75 buyin, that pays the winner(s) a $600 prize package consisting of seats into seven separate FTOPS satellites that occur the week of the FTOPS itself. Now, I can't play in this thing personally, because almost all of the FTOPS satellites that are awarded in this thing go off at 6:30pm ET on the day of the FTOPS events themselves, and I simply do not have the ability to play in a 6:30pm ET satellite. But, if you're interested in playing your way cheaply in to seven of the ten FTOPS event satellites that are held the night of the actual FTOPS events, then this thing could be for you. The FTOPS mega super satellite runs every night on full tilt at 10:30pm ET, and also I think around 7:30pm ET as well, and here is the actual schedule of the 7 FTOPS satellite tournaments that you will win your way in to if you take down one of these mega super sats:



OK, enough about the FTOPS for today. Now I wanted to discuss my cash game play of late, and some of the commentary I have received over the past few days about how I'm playing certain hands, because while most of the comments are really very helpful, some of what I'm reading just seems pretty silly. First and foremost, let me say again that I certainly appreciate every single comment I get on my blog about my cash game play. I recognize fully that I'm a cash beginner and that there are guys out there with 1000 times the experience and skill that I have in cash games. But I also want to say that I find it somewhat funny how tied on to their own specific styles of play some people seem to be, and how easy some people seem to find it to critique what I'm doing just because they don't play the game exactly like I do. When I'm out there reading hands, I can fend for myself and I'm doing quite well at it. I may not play exactly like you guys do. I may be on my way to eventually playing cash nlh exactly like you do as I continue to incorporate every tidbit that seems sensible to me that I pick up from your advice and from watching you guys play the game. And I certainly have my down days just like everyone else who plays cash regularly. But let's be honest here. This is the exact same group of guys who just commented in my blog within the past week that nobody good at nlh cash ever steals the blinds, that with no escalation of the blinds there is just no reason to fight hard over a dollar or two. Meanwhile, after maybe 5000 hands of 1-2 nlh 6-max over the past couple of weeks, I can probaby count on one hand -- literally now -- the number of times that the button and the sb have folded around to give a walk to the bb when I've been at the table to see it. The bottom line is that, regardless of the advice I received here a week ago or so, the fact still remains that not just a few guys, and not just some people, and not even most people, but everybody -- and I mean every. single. body. -- steals the blinds in 1-2 6max holdem on full tilt. So the advice for me not to play out of the blinds like that is not advice I can possibly adhere to, and I could not advocate anyone else doing that either. Stealing the blinds isn't just part of the game at 1-2 6max on full tilt -- it is the game.

Now, I'm not at all saying this to suggest that anyone who has commented here doesn't know what they're talking about with cash games. I said it above and I'll say it again here, I am getting better every single day at my cash games as a direct result of the conmentary I receive right here on the blog, and I could not be more thankful and appreciative of everyone's comments. But, what I am saying is that I think everyone can learn a little something about how to play these games from someone else, and that there really isn't any one "right" way to play the game, at least not at any level of specificity. A guy who is better at reading hands can play a little looser early in the hands like Negreanu does and make money. A guy who's better at getting value out of strong hands can play tighter than most like a Dan Harrington and make money. While I do believe there is a right way generally to succeed at poker in a general sense, there are simply a lot of different specific ways of getting there.

I also wanted to note here that in the comments to how I play specific hands in both tournaments and cash games, the most common overall commentary I get is for people to ask how I could not have put someone on a really strong hand, just because they were betting. Apparently a lot of people out there do not realize just how tight they play, and more importantly, just how exploitable that tightness is. If you're going to assume that a guy who steal-raised preflop has hit a board of 579Q hard just because he put in an automatic and meaningless c-bet on the flop and then called my raise of that c-bet, then your game will improve the sooner you realize that you are going to get exploited again and again and again by smart, observant players who see your game for what it is. Now, you can read this and get all pissed and think what a jerk I am if you want, that's completely fine with me of course, but that isn't going to change the truth of what I just wrote up there. If you're someone who puts a stealer on a hand that hits a board of 579Q hard just because he didn't fold to my raise of his automatic, make-it-every-single-time-regardless-of-the-cards c-bet on the flop, then you are exploitable. You're beyond exploitable in fact. Now this is me giving you people some good advice: If your play is so robotic that you automatically assume a preflop raiser hit a raggy board just because he doesn't fold to your flop raise, then good players will eat you alive. They'll kill you. I'll watch you at my table for 15 minutes, and then I'll be stealing pots from you by simply calling your raises and then betting strong on the turn. The single biggest mistake I see people make online -- after overvaluing shitty hands themselves, of course -- is being too timid and always fearing the nuts. A guy putting in an automatic steal-raise and then an automatic c-bet tells you absolutely nothing about what he holds in his hand. If all an opponent does in the entire hand that shows any strength at all is call my flop raise, something for which he will have some decent odds thanks to the money he's already put into the pot with his preflop steal-raise and then his flop c-bet, then IMO you want to get yourself to the point where you're not automatically assuming he has nailed a raggy board of Q975. In fact, to me that conclusion is just plain silly. He's barely shown any strength at all in the hand! Fearing the nuts or near-nuts just because of one raise-call on the flop where there's already decent pot odds to call with some things like draws, 2nd pair decent kickers, etc. is not the optimal way to play the game in my opinion.

And while I'm on a roll here, lets talk for a minute about some other funny stuff I've been reading and hearing people say. First of all, if you are someone who believes that "calling an allin with just one pair in cash game is donkey", then you as a matter of practical fact are too rigid to be great in your poker game. I don't care what you think of me, but when you're done thinking it, you're still not good. Period. Start facing it now. Or don't, actually. Cuz I've been stealing pots from people like you all night long over the past month. And you know what? I do occasionally get burned by people who hit 2 pairs or slow played a monster against me. So do people who don't call big bets with just one pair. You shouldn't need me to tell you this. The fact remains that I am probably up about 5 or 6 to 1 in chips in the times I've called with one pair and won, minus the chips I've lost when I've called with one pair. It's called hand reading, and for almost everyone reading this out there who thinks what I'm saying is wrong, I'm better at reading hands than you. If you read hands well and are willing to get away from one pair when you think you're behind, then being willing to go to the showdown with one pair where you objectively and honestly believe you're ahead can be quite profitable, at least at the donkey limits. I'm quite sure that calling big bets with one pair at 3-6 is not at all a winning strategy. But at 1-2, if used sparingly and appropriately, it can work. And at $.10-$.25 like the blogger cash game that I played in for a few hours on Thursday night at full tilt, it can be a very profitable strategy if done correctly against the caliber of players, and the caliber of bluffers, you will run into at that level.

This leads into my second point about the cash games (and this is just as true for tournaments as well btw) -- and this is an argument that's been hashed and rehashed on blogs and in poker rooms for as long as poker has been played, so it's not like I'm saying anything new here. But if you are someone who is going to try to run a huge bluff on the river in a hand where you have nothing, your opponent has played the hand strong since before the flop, and you've played like you've got nothing all the way through the hand as well, then the other guy -- factually speaking -- is not the donkey when you make the painfully obvious, everyone-at-the-table-knows-you-aint-got-shit allin bluff at the end, and he calls to stack your ass. You didn't even think about this bluff until the second you clicked "allin". And as a result, your bluff is more obvious than the baldness of that guy with the horrble combover. I don't care if the other guy calls you down with frigging Jack-high and beats you. If you don't lay the groundwork for your bluffs earlier in the hands such that a person with good hand reading skills can't be THAT sure that you're bluffing when you suddenly out of nowhere commit the rest of your stack to a hand where you've shown nothing but abject weakness from the moment the starting cards came out, then no matter what you may think, no matter what you may say, and no matter what the other abject donkeys at the table might tell you, you are the donkey. Again, start facing it now, because these my friends are facts. If you think the other guy has to automatically lay his hand down if it's only one pair, so you can run the dumbest looking bluff I've seen since I played 5-card-draw with Aces, Deuces and One-Eyed Jacks as wildcards for m&ms with my friends in 4th grade, then you are an abject donator. And I love having ya around my table, don't get me wrong. But just because some other blonkey supports you that the other guy shouldn't have called your blatantly obvious bluff, do yourself a favor and don't let that make you fail to question how you could make such a horrifically bad play. As many great poker bloggers have quite correctly observed, if you aren't willing to constantly analyze your own play and try to figure out why you got stacked 5 or 6 times in front of your blogger friends at that cash game table the other night, then you are absolutely doomed to repeat your suckiness. And I'll be there to call you again and again and again with Ace-high, one pair, or my monster and continually relieve you of your chips. Because I'm in your head. Accept it. I'm in there. I'm there right now as you read this. Keep telling yourself that the other guy is the donkey for calling your recockulously out-of-nowhere bluffs at the river. Keep letting the other jassack poker bloggers at the table tell you how horrible of a call the other guy made to stack you with his just one pair hand against your allin bluff with your Ten high. Just keep making those bluffs at me please.

I think that's enough of that mini-rant for today. I'm sure the better players out there disagree with a lot of what I've said above. I welcome that disagreement, and I can only assume this is because you guys play at a higher level than I do and a higher level than I am referring to here, because at those levels I'm sure a lot of how I've been playing over the past several weeks will not work. Well, I'm not playing at your levels. I'm playing at 1-2 or below, and this shit is working. Some days I get stacked. Some days I make ridiculous, horrible laughable allin calls with not-very-strong hands and lose a couple hundy to a guy with a monster. It's true. I bet it even happens to you on occasion, no matter what level you play at. But I can't argue with the fact that my roll is growing pretty consistently at 1-2, which I'm doing by taking stabs at lots of small pots, stealing the blinds when it makes sense, and sticking with my reads when I think I'm ahead. It actually sounds a lot like how I play in tournaments, to an extent. And at the donkey limits, this is working. I fully believe my higher-level-playing friends that this stuff won't work at all up there. If I ever move up, something which I'm not planning to do anytime soon right now, I look forward to having to re-learn how to beat that level. But for now, there are donkeys all the phuck over the place at 1-2 and below, and I'm beating them. Consistently. And I'm not doing it by assuming they have the nuts every time they call a raise of mine. The guy who plays that way, he's the guy whose money I'm taking consistently at the cash tables in fact. I love players like that.

OK so today I will just leave you with a sweet hand from last night at the 1-2 cash tables, where I recorded another solidly profitable session over maybe 2 or 3 hours of play. And this is a hand where I am going to specifically thank Fuel55 and Lucko for educating me that it is ok to play low connectors in a multiway pot at a cash game for a small bet.

And to Dr Zen from yesterday's comments, this one's for you! Ha ha.

So I'm in the big blind with 64o. A totally shite hand by any possible standards. But when middle position just min-raises my $2 big blind to $4, and then the small blind calls the raise as well, I'm looking at seeing a flop in a $12 pot for just $2. This is a hand which I would have insta-folded just a few weeks ago. But I specifically remembered as I played this hand both Lucko and Fuel making calls like this (not saying either of you would have necessarily made this specific call, just calls like this with low suited or connecting junk) at cash tables I was at, and then seeing them get lucky, hit a big flop and suddenly they're stacking someone else at the table. So I looked at those pot odds, and I made the call:



The flop comes down:



Not bad. Bottom two, it's not a great flop but obviously I hit it pretty good here, and since I called a preflop raise, nobody is really going to put me on this hand. I check it, because I know the guy up top, Mr. Formulaic, is gonna c-bet on this raggy flop. He obliges with a $7 bet into the $11.40 pot. Then the guy after him raises before the action even gets back to me:



Now I know here this was a bit of a tough decision. I think if I had put the guy up top on any kind of a hand at all with his c-bet, then I might have been a lot more tempted to fold. But to me, the guy up top I know for absolute certain fact is c-betting here with any two cards. Any. Two. Cards. That's just the way he plays, and I am 100% positive of that fact. So all I'm really looking at here is a guy raising on the flop, a raise that could easily mean just top pair decent kicker. In fact I'm putting him on something like JT, since he called the preflop raise with just one other player in the pot at the time, so I'm guessing he's on a Jack and a decently high card. Yes he could be on a set, but there is just no reason for me to believe he's on a set yet. I debated reraising to find out now if he does have me beat, but the bet was so big already that I decided to just call it and see what this player does on the turn with the information that I called his big raise on the flop. I'm guessing not everyone will agree with this move, but I think it was ok given my hand at the time:



The guy up top folded. And this was when another shining, beautiful 4 fell on the turn, giving me a delicious boat. What's more, the guy on the right, whom I still had on top pair of some kind, liked the 4 as I probably would in his shoes, but liked it enough to push in the rest of his stack:



This I think was a horrendous play by him, given that I had just called a bet and a nice-sized raise on the flop. In particular when you see what he had in his hand, since I insta-called his bet of course:



Top pair, shit kicker. Another great example of why you don't want to be the guy always putting players on the nuts or near-nuts just because of one modestly aggressive action on the flop against a guy who is perceived to be auto-cbetting without any need to have actually hit anything on this hand. The J3 guy played this hand about as badly as humanly possible, but I would have never been there to take down this $280 pot:



if not for Fuel and Lucko. I should send you guys each $2.80, one percent of this pot for each of you, for being the impetus behind me winning this guy's money. Again, I'm not trying to say that either one of these guys would have played this hand at all, or played it exactly like I played it on every street, or anything like that at all (I bet they would not have played it exactly like me, in fact, given both of their massively more cash game experience than I). But it's a great example of the kind of thing I'm constantly looking to add to my game from watching and learning from other better, more experienced players out there. I specifically remember thinking "donkey!" the first time I saw Fuel call a raise and 3 callers of that raise preflop with 64s. Then when he stacked me with the hand, I kinda did a double-take. Then a few days later I watched Lucko call a few preflop callers with 76o and do the same thing. I questioned, and I got answers from each of them explaining the rationale of calling a small preflop bet with junky connectors, soooted or otherwise, to try to nail a cheap flop against multiple players and get to stack somebody good. And slowly but surely, this stuff is finding its way into my game. I may put my own spin on things, but I'm always looking to get better, and the best way in the world to do that is to learn from observing and picking the brains of others who are better than you. That's what I hope some people can get out of the 347 posts I've put up here over the past couple of years. Well, maybe not Dr. Zen, who obviously has emotional problems after busting his bankroll for the umpteenth time this year. But the rest of you.

Have a nice weekend, everyone. I should be online intermittently in the evenings so you can come and berate me for the content of this post. God I love being a blogger. Now go and qualify for the FTOPS!

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