Saturday, April 28, 2007

Blogger Bracelet Race, and Cash Game Fonkeyrape

Do not forget about this!

That's right, we are sending a bona fide poker blogger to the World Series of Poker this Sunday night! You can email the address listed on the graphic above, or feel free to hit me up on the girly chat or at the tables and I will get you the password to this mega huge private tournament. But we need something over 50 players in order to get the prize package up to the $1500 pricetag on the smaller WSOP events, so get out there early and sign up for the event among the bloggers. I will be there, defying my and Hammer Wife's weekly plans to watch The Sopranos together on Sundays sans full tilt, and blowing off the my Hammer Girls' bed-putting responsibilities to boot. So if I can take on all that heat on the home front for this tournament, then you dam well can come out and make this blogger bracelet race the huge event that it is going to be. See you there muthafuckas!!

While you're here, check out how I got nailed for a $411 pot in a set-over-set confrontation that I think never should have happened. I can only play a hand so perfectly, but sometimes the poker gods rape my anus for a huge pile anyways, no matter how little regard for his money the donkey at the table shows.

I call a pot-raise preflop with pocket 5s. I flop a set, with an Ace on the board to boot. Set mining baybeee! Ching ching ching!

OK so even though I called his pot-raise preflop, and an Ace and a Ten fell on the flop (both overcards to his shitty pair), donkey bets out standard $15 into a $20 pot. He has to figure he's beat here and drawing to just two outs, but I guess he feels compelled to throw out the standard size c-bet anyways. It's pronounced FORM - yew - lay - ik. Well, I've learned from some of the hands I've had up on the blog this week, and all the comments I've received -- Lucko has gotten through to me with all his FPS talk, and this time I'm determined to build this pot right here and now. I'm hoping he must have an Ace to have just wasted $15 on that flop bet. Please let it be AK or AQ:

And the donkey calls, wasting another $20 into the pot. So far he has just thrown away 35 perfectly good dollars, stuff he could have bought his young boy porn with just as good as the credit cards he'll have to use for that instead when he gets stacked for all his money probably 10 minutes into his next session of playing like this. Again, this is exactly the kind of formulaic play I've been talking about at the cash tables. A certain kind of player -- and yes make no mistake, this is one of the ultimate fish qualities that we all love to make money from -- simply cannot handle admitting that he just got caught. They make a dumb bet, you raise them, they obviously know they're beat, but they find themselves clicking the "call" button anyways. What was this clown thinking when he called my raise on that flop? "My pocket 7s are good against the guy who called my preflop raise, two overcards Ten or higher fell to make my pair basically worthless against a preflop raise-caller, and then he raised me big on the flop after I formula c-bet anyways?" Christ it is so clear how it's easy to make money at 1-2 against players like this.

OK so a harmess 7 falls on the turn. What's more, Butch now bets out $50 into the $88 pot:

OK now after he called my flop raise, this bet was enough to give me some pause. Now tell me cash gamers, what am I supposed to do with this bet? Sure he could have a set of Aces or a set of Tens, but I really think he would have been more likely to have reraised me on the flop there than just smooth call, so I have to discount those holdings. Possible for sure, but not as likely as some other holdings which fit the action so far even better. Obviously he doesn't have pocket 7s for the turned set, because only an abject fuckface is going to bet out on the flop and then call my $35 flop raise with just pocket 7s on the AT5 board. So I figured I had to put him on either AK, AQ, or maybe even AT for top two pairs. Was that a bad assumption on my part? Would you cash donks have reraised here, smooth called, or folded your hand? Please tell me I played this hand wrong, because I need to learn why that is, if I did.

I reraised with my clear winner in my opinion at the time:

Yes I made the baby jebus cry with the minraise. I just figured that by betting out, he's obviously going to call my minraise and therefore it's the best way to get it all into the middle. He responded my moving allin for another $61 on top, which I knew I had to call at that point, thinking as much as before that he was most likely to have AK or AT.

Wrong! I forgot the cardinal rule: bloggers really will call a flop raise with pocket 7s on an ATx board against a guy who called their preflop raise. Unbelievable call there IMO. Tell me I'm wrong, cash donkeys!!

$411 pot, raped from me and given to the donkey who not only can't keep himself from betting out with a clear loser on the flop, but he couldn't even fold to my nice raise on the flop. That generous man might as well have been writing me a check when he called that flop raise. Donks who just can't get away from their hands, even when they get caught essentialy bluffing with just two outs. Un. fucking. Believable.

To his credit, I see that Butch Howard has a fun writeup on his blog this morning recounting his play from last night, and basically taking credit for playing like abject donkey in that hand against me, referring to his call of my flop raise as a "WTF call". OK. To his determinent, however, it appears that after not fucking being able to get away from shitty pocket 7s on an AT5 flop against me and sucking out an 11-to-1 shot to stack me, he also could not get away from pocket Aces against a set of Queens for a $520 pot when he rivered a third Ace is another stellar 19-to-1 hit. Still later it appears Butch could not get away from KK on a board with two Aces on it. Notcing a pattern?

I can't stand having to wonder all the time when the phuck I'm going to start being happy for all the donkeys sitting at the table with me. In two years of active online play, I would estimate that I've lost maybe 15,000 dollars or $T more to donkey plays than I have won from them. When the phuck is that going to even out?

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Blogger Scots_Chris said...

Haha, so true - the comments of "you want that action" always feel hollow to me, probably because someone's saying it after you got stacked being a clear favourite or at least very strong feavourite until the brutal suckout hits... oh I've had a few tonight.
AA vs 55 in the 5k guarantee, he hits runnerx4 for the straight.
In a sng to wind down, I follow up a badly played Aces hand (raised too much preflop) with AQ and got reshoved by A9 diamonds. You know that despite hitting a Q the diamond flush gets there.
It's the same as a few big cash game hands, get em in crushed and watch the suckouts roll off the deck as though the poker gods enjoy pissing on the very ideals they established.
Of course, I went out of the 5k in donkish fashion in 35th by shoving K4 (paired King and flush) into a brilliantly disguised AA in the bb to miss my outs and go home with money to show, but not as much as I'd hoped. It was only the second time I needed to suckout to come from behind too... but it wasn't to be. Cest la vie.

11:43 PM  
Blogger cmitch said...

yuk - set over set sucks, but this one is especially brutal.

I am going broke 99% of the time in a cash game with set over set situations - only exception being a board that could make a ton of other hands.

So gross, gross, gross.

1:53 AM  
Blogger lucko said...

I like how you played it. I even think that is one of the few spots a min raise is actually a good play. The fonkeys rule some times. I know your tilting self remebers hands like this more than the money that gets donated to you time and time again in spots like this. Hang in there and learn to love the donkeys.

3:15 AM  
Blogger smokkee said...

dude, that hand was so rediculous redonkified.

5:01 AM  
Blogger Iakaris aka I.A.K. said... could you not see the turn overset coming? I actually now expect them...if I wasn't imminently imploding I would be playing 200NL as well and sharing your misery there.

thanks for this, it somehow makes things better.

9:27 PM  
Blogger Unimpressed said...

Maybe he just knows you SO well that he knew you were capable of a steal attempt of his c-bet. Just kiddin'.

11:01 PM  
Blogger smokkee said...


12:59 AM  
Blogger River_Rat said...


Can someone tell me how to take a screenshot, the < alt > printscreen doesnt seem to work. Do i need some software ?

Also a thankyou to you Mr Hoy for all your writings.. youve helped me improve my thought process in many situations. Keep up the writing.


(Darrenb2 on FT)

11:55 AM  
Blogger Eric a.k.a. Bone Daddy said...

That is a pretty bad one, as Dr. Pauly said, "Poker is a dirty whore", and that hand is case and point.

9:25 PM  

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