Poetry In Motion, I Heart Donkeys, and ATC
You are the man
You are my other country
And I find it hard going.
You are my prickly pear
You are the sudden violent storm
The torrent to raise the river
To float the wounded doe.
It never ceases to amaze me the utter shit that the New York City MTA insists on plastering all over the subways as part of their "Poetry in Motion" series of billboards in the train cars. Like I want to be subjected to this crap in the morning when I'd already much, much rather still be in bed, or at least not being smushed into oblivion as it is and basically forced to keep my head up and look right at this thing as there's not even room in the car for it to be level with the rest of my body. And then I'm staring right at this drivel. Wtf is this thing even talking about? "You are the man"? The Wilderness is the man? "And I find it hard going"? Huh? What's going on here? "You are my prickly pear"? That sounds like something Captain Tom said to Brandi Rose or whatever her strippername is, not fancy poetry. To me this whole thing reads like somebody who desperately wants to be good at writing poetry, probably thinks they are good at poetry, but in reality is just a jassack who has seen enough poetry to know how it usually reads, and is just mimicking something they read earlier that they liked. Now I know there's going to be donkeys out there who write and tell me how beautiful this is and what a Phillistine I am. OK I admit it, the Hammer Wife would definitely say that, and will say it to me tonight if she reads this today. But I'm sorry, I really wish I didn't have to look at this crap on the subway in the mornings. Why can't they put some Def Leppard or Guns n Roses lyrics up on the subway for everyone to read, instead of this crap?
"It's So Easy"
You get nothin for nothin
If that's what you do.
Turn around bitch I got a use for you.
Besides, you ain't got nothin better to do.
And I'm bored.
I mean, if they can make the choice for everyone to put these crappy poems up in the public subways that I really can't stand, then why can't somebody choose the stuff that I like to listen to once in a while and plaster that all over the trains, and make everyeone else suffer through that too? I solemnly guarantee you that about 15 million more people have paid to purchase the GnR album with that wonderful piece above in it than have ever paid for the collected works of Lorine Niedecker. But no. Instead it's always some crap about nature, or flowers, or love or some other shit like that, and in five years in the city I've never been anything but disgusted by any of the Poetry in Motion that I've seen on the subway. Blech. Bad way to start the day, let me tell you.
So let's see, last night was a nice n frustrating night of poker, that is for sure. I satellited again into the nightly 30k guaranteed tournament on full tilt, this time in the 8:30pm ET $14 rebuy satellite where as usual I only did one rebuy, and actually it ended pretty funny. With 9 players left on two tables, and the top 8 finshers winning the seat, I find K8o in the big blind. The small blind was the shortest stack left in the tournament with an M of under 2. Blinds were probably 800-1600 at this point, with probably 150-chip antes as well, and he had around 4500 chips left, in contrast to the tournament average of probably 12,000 and my own stack of around 10k myself. So the action folds around to this shorty in the small blind -- his handle was "loose1" if you ever find him again in a multitable satellite tournament like this -- who is obviously in big trouble if he doesn't make a move right now, and he makes the rather obvious allin push of his last 4500 or so chips. Now, with a hand like K8, and knowing for a fact that this guy has to push with anything right now, I go ahead and make the call, assuming I'm ahead with K8o, a better than average hand against a totally random two cards which I know he is on. He flips up 76s or something, hits a 7 on the flop, but my 8 ends up making me a straight on the river, he is eliminated, and the rest of us win our seats to the 30k. Par for the course, right?
Until "loose1" shows up at my other table, the nightly bracelet race (I ended in I think 19th place out of 140 players, but like all the $26 races it paid only one spot so I wasn't really that close to anything big), and starts harrassing me in the chat. For once I actually decided to entertain his inane rantings, because I know I made the right play and I just wanted to see what this donkey had to say about it. All he could keep telling me was "Didn't you realize that if you missed there, you would then be the short stack in the tournament? Why would you call there when you could just fold your way into winning a seat? Why take the risk?"
Now, I don't know how many of you play these mtt satellites as much as I (probably very few of you is my guess), but it was really funny how pissed and worked up this guy was. I kept trying to explain to the guy that when I have a good chance to eliminate the last guy in the tournament before the payout spots, and I have a very good chance of having the best hand when the other guy pushes allin out of clear and total desperation, it's got to be a call. As I told him, it's the easiest call in the world in fact. And what's more, this business about me just being able to "fold my way into a seat" is utter garbage. I've busted on the bubble of these mtt sats way more times than I care to count -- most recently just two nights ago as I wrote about yesterday when two friends at the table collaborated to keep their short stack in and bust me instead as the next shortest stack after the blinds came around to me -- and the bottom line is, only a guy with, say, 2 or 3 times the tournament average stack can truly "fold his way into winning a seat". Me, with just twice the short stack's amount of chips, and an M of only around 3 myself, to suggest that I could fold my way into the tournament is laughable. In these online mtt sats, by the time you hit the final ten or so players, everybody basically has a low M and basically everybody has to play it fast near the end from that point until the seats are paid out, or you're toast. If you think you can coast in when the Ms are that large and there are just, say, three players left to be eliminated, then watch out because you're the one who's going to be eliminated.
Anyways this guy yelled at me for probably a good 15 minutes in the chat of my bracelet race. I tried to set him straight, but like most of the longtime online poker donkeys, he was far far too stubborn to even open his mind and listen to what I was saying, let alone to try to understand me. And as a result, he will continue to flounder, while I satellite into a large buyin tournament of some kind just about every single night of the week because I know how to play these things. And the best of this whole episode was, at one point he comments to me how bummed he is that I'm not sitting at a cash table right now because he'd like to join it and win my money. To his obvious dismay, I offered him to find a table with an extra empty seat and let me know where he was, and I would happily sit with him and school him on cash games too. I haven't been writing about this because I don't want to jinx it, but I've been playing a good deal of cash recently and have been winning in small amounts almost every night of late, so I was looking forward to seeing if this guy was as donkish at nlh cash as he was at late-stage mtt satellite play. So after mouthing off to me about playing cash with him in the chat, when to his surprise I actually offered to take him up on it and give him his chance for "revenge" (as if I personally did anything to him), he wimped out of his own challenge! What a pussy. So everyone do me a favor -- if you ever run in to "loose1" on full tilt, stop by and let him know in the chat that hoyazo says hello. I heart donkkees.
Alright today I wanted to chat briefly about this whole "Any Two Cards" thing. A whole lot has been written about ATC recently -- and even more has been played recently -- by a number of different bloggers about how they like to play ATC when nearing the end of nlh tournaments. Now, IMO from what I've seen, I think this is a largely overused and misunderstood theory of end-game tournament strategy, and I have seen far, far more bloggers blow big leads at the final table using this strategy than I have seen win with it. In fact to be honest, the only time I've ever seen this work in a blogger event was way back last year sometime when Lucko really abused the field at the final table of some big blogger event -- maybe the DADI WSOP satellite or something if they even held one of those last year -- by basically calling and raising with ATC when he was on a monstrous stack nearing the bubble in this event. Otherwise, I don't have to list the names -- you all know exactly who you are -- but I've seen a great many of you out there play basically ATC nearing the end of blogger events, and it almost always fails you. Let me give a real-life example here and see what everyone thinks about how to play this one:
You're in the 18k guaranteed nlh tournament on full tilt, which started with 400 players and is now down to just 54. 40 spots will be paid, and there are 6 tables with 9 players each remaining. Blinds are 1500-3000, with 150-chip antes, and you are currently in 2nd place of 54 people left, with a chip stack of 44,200 chips. You are seated in the big blind.
UTG folds, and UTG+1 goes allin for his last 12000 chips. Everyone else folds around to you in the small blind. You look down to find 96o.
What do you do here? Do you fold this normally weak hand? Does the fact that you have a large stack mean that you would take a call here and see if you can get lucky? It costs you only another 9000 chips to see all 5 cards on the board, and with just 12,000 chips left in his stack, the UTG+1 player could be pushing here with a very wide range of hands. There's no one else left to act, so you needn't fear any further raises from anybody or any need to drop any more chips into this hand. So do you call or fold here?
I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts on this, and then I will post my own once everyone has had a chance to comment.
Tonight is the Mookie at 10pm ET on full tilt, one of my stated goals to win for 2007. But with another exciting Lost episode coming up tonight -- The John Locke Story We've All Been Waiting To Hear!!! -- I will probably once again miss out on this fun blogger event (password as always is "vegas1"). I will try to get into the Dookie at 11:30pm ET if I am able, and if I can win some nice coin at the cash tables after Lost is over, I might even buy in directly to the midnight ET bracelet race, which I do not expect to be able to satellite into tonight at the risk of missing my favorite television show of the week, and really one of the only things I watch regularly anymore on tv. That will depend on whether I can win the $200 either at nlh cash or at some razz or hilo cash, all of which have been solidly profitable for me over the past several weeks as I've slowly made my return to the cash tables. And this despite a stacking at 1-2 nlh in just a few hands last night with Blinders when my QQ ran into KK on a totally raggy board, and I could not get away. Somebody tell me why the fuck I ever play QQ again?