Monday, May 24, 2010

Worst Finale of All Time?

Or just of recent memory?

Not too much time today, but let me just say this about this weekend's Lost series finale:

First and foremost, those writers have got some mf'ing balls to not even attempt to explain what the island is in the finale. Or in the entire show, for that matter. To give us a show with this much mystery, have it basically all be about The Island, and then to end the show never even giving us a clue about what the island is? That shit is criminal. I'm sure these ahole pompass writers will tell everyone and their mother that they wanted to do it this way, that this is the beauty of the whole thing, but in reality, they're monkey turds. It is downright assholic to end the show like that, with not even a beginning of an explanation as to what the island actually is, where it is, when it is, anything. Nothing. To do that to your loyal fans for six years, who've stuck with you when the show was good years ago and even when it got horrible for the past couple, to do that to us just because you can is, well, assholic.

So no island explanations whatsoever in the finale. And how do they resolve Sideways World? With the equivalent of "it's all a dream"! It's unbelievable, really. This was the best plot idea the writers could come up with a couple of years ago? This plot? That Sideways World -- you know, that thing that you spent about 15 hours this season revealing to us piece by piece by piece -- was actually just a purgatory-type of place, where all the Losties went when they died in the real world. A place that does not exist in time or space, just a place that the Losties "created themselves, together" as Christian Shephard put it at the end, so they could all be together and then "move on" as a group. WTF. I repeat -- that was the best plot arc you fucknuts could come up with over the past two years?

I'll go you one further by the way -- the Lost writers were so discombobulated this year that they didn't even know this was how they were going to end it up. Because don't even tell me they would have had Juliette mumble to Sawyer just minutes before she died in the season premiere this year that "It worked", and then never even go on to explain wtf that means. And if Sideways World was not somehow created at all by the bomb going off, then Juliette was totally wrong that it worked, and the whole thing just makes no sense. But they just never explained it, did they? Just left it out there twisting in the wind.

And the last horrifyingly stupid thing the writers did in this finale was end up having Flocke killed by fucking shooting him. With a regular gun. In the back. That's it. Forget the black smoke -- shiat, the closed the black smoke got to making any appearance at all on Sunday night was one of those ghey promos during the breaks -- and forget all the week-long, season-long and really to some extent series-long wondering about how one can actually "kill" the body-less black smoke. No need. Instead they just have Desmond big special power mean that he can crawl into the light and remove the stopper -- quite anticlimactic in its own right -- which then I guess removed Flocke's powers (hence Jack drawing blood on his ass with a vicious right hook), and then they just kill him, the great evil baddie of the island, with a quick shot to the back, and that's it.

It's amazing, really, that the pomp of some people can swell so large that it leads them to try to pull one over on the very viewers who made them what they have become today. Cuse and Littleton (whatevertbefucktheirnamesare) are dead to me, and to millions of other people in this country and around the world from here on out, and I have zero doubt that those two f-heads won't ever amount to anything ever again in their pathetic little lives. It's hard for two people to step down harder in a big spot than those two asseaters did this weekend, this season, and really for the past coupe of years. Although in a way the finale was perfectly symbolic of all the problems Lost has had since the powerfully captivating "We have to go back!" scene between Jack and Kate a few years back, ultimately what galls me more than anything else is the fact that the writers literally created an entire construct just for this season that ended up being basically a meaningless, dreamlike "purgatory" where everyone's dead soul goes when they finally die. Very little effort was made in wrapping up this story for the past couple of years, and after making us invest so much over the years, it's a move that is as unthinkable as it is a great big "yuck fou" to all the audience over the years. I hope those two producer douchebags who made the first two hours on Sunday night all about themselves really savored the moment, because it'll be the last we hear from either of them in any positive way for some time.

Go ahead, I dare you to disagree in the comments.

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24 Comments:

Blogger steeser said...

I can't disagree at all. I've always thought those two writers were complete douchebags, and this whole season was a waste. To turn the story they developed the first two seasons into this is just a colossal flop. It's clear that they had no clue where this story was going to go and were just making shit up as they went along until it became time to end the show.

9:53 PM  
Blogger VinNay said...

I'm no expert, the only episode I have ever seen was the finale (I went to a lost finale party for the food) - but, I was under the impression that the island was part of purgatory too, and that they had all died in the initial plan crash.

No need for any lengthy explanation if I'm totally wrong here, I realize I have no idea what I'm talking about.

10:04 PM  
Blogger Hammer Player a.k.a Hoyazo said...

Vin,

You are wrong. Hurley clearly congratulated himself and Ben at the funeral at the end in Sideways World for being a good #1 and #2 for the island. None of them died on the crash; this was just where they all went when they eventually died.

Ghey ghey ghey ghey ghey.

10:17 PM  
Blogger VinNay said...

I don't see why they couldn't have died in the crash and still congratulated each other for being good #1 and #2's. Their time in purgatory allowed them to grow as people (souls, whatever). Maybe it is what they needed to move on - Hurley become a leader, and the other guy gets asked to help?

One of the final shots showing the crash site on the island, but no people really makes me think there were no survivors.

10:23 PM  
Blogger VinNay said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

10:24 PM  
Blogger VinNay said...

Wow, I have avoided the show and lost discussions for 6 years, and now after seeing one episode - here I am....I'm glad I didn't do this for 6 years to end up with that finale.

10:25 PM  
Blogger l.e.s.ter said...

As a person who's been burned by David Lynch too many times: it's much easier to set up a strange world with neck-snapping plot twists when you don't have any restriction on how you'll pay them off in the end. I think this was about the vaguest and lamest way they could have ended what was once a very specific series.

11:16 PM  
Blogger Bayne_S said...

I have never before seen you so concise in your hatred.

Jimmy Kimmel show did a better job wrapping up Lost than the finale did.

11:31 PM  
Blogger StB said...

I assumed they died in the crash. The closing shot of the beach with the wreckage and no one moving about had me thinking they were dead. Either which way a lot of it didn't make sense.

You nailed it. what about the fucking island?

11:32 PM  
Blogger Bayne_S said...

Life on Mars may have had a worse finale.

But it was also ABC and did not really last a full season.

11:34 PM  
Blogger John said...

Hoyazo is also in his own purgatory where he believes that he is one of the writers of Lost. He thinks he knows what ending would be good for his never ending rising expectations.

The good news with this ending is that Hoyazo can now interpret what the island is and no one can shoot down his theory because the writers gave that to the viewers to decide.

Hoyazo apparently wants the best of both worlds. He wants the ending to be on his own terms but he doesn't want the power when given to him. I think he should be banished from this island.

11:35 PM  
Blogger John said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

11:36 PM  
Blogger John said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

11:36 PM  
Blogger Duey Crim said...

I think Hoy's Lost post sucked. But there wasn't even any plot points to discuss or ending to be disappointed with. It was just a shitty rant.

11:39 PM  
Blogger Ken C said...

I agree with everything except Julliet's dying words. If she's have a near death experience and this purgatory bullshit exists outside of time or whatever .. then she will have been there briefly so in her mind, it looks like it worked in some fucked up way.

But this whole outside of time thing is just more confusing. For example, we know sideways world must be years (probably decades) after Jack's death on the island in order to allow for the rest of the cast to die by whatever causes over the years. But of course Jack's neck starts bleeding in sideways world coinciding with when MIB is on the verge of cutting him open... Unnecessary confusion.

Really the biggest cop out I've ever seen though. Purgatory. Fuck.

11:42 PM  
Blogger Iak said...

How strange. It was reading your omnibus posts about LOST that finally got me curious enough to watch the finale (my first episode).

As a stand alone story for someone just aware of the premise and not mired in 120+ hours of minutiae, I have to say it worked very well. It felt authentic, had a lot of heart yet avoided melodrama. I just talked to two colleagues who got sucked into watching the ep without ever having seeing the show and they both really liked it too.

The David Lynch comment above is dead on: I specifically avoided LOST because of how bitterly Twin Peaks let me down. But I'm going to go back now and watch this show, as a result of the finale. For me the finale worked because like all truly great scifi, it emphasized the humanity of the characters' story, not the details. [That said, I was ready to kill Lynch after following Peaks so closely so I can only imagine fans' frustration after 6 years].

At the end I was asking myself, does it really matter that the exact nature of the island wasn't revealed? Would any explanation have been acceptable even if they did find one that was reasonably airtight? It was a battle of good vs. evil that was at least clear enough to even we uninitiated. Exposition is important, but wouldn't have laying it all out been pendantic and unsatisfying anyway (who really wants to know how Dorothy's Wizard actually gets things done? Did finding out make us happier or more satisfied?). This story had emotional resonance for people who didn't even have the backstory down - that's an impressive feat. Compared to the Sopranos' winddown this was a crowning success.

It says a lot about this show that two guys who never watched it, caught the finale, and felt the need to talk about it here. That's good television. Like Vin, I'm just glad I waited till the end to join the conversation. That show could easily have gotten me blogging again.

11:59 PM  
Blogger Iak said...

lol. just looked at my comment. What The F? apologies for the length.

12:01 AM  
Blogger Ken C said...

You can't rate the finale without having seen the series. You don't know all these twists and turns in the plot lines that all turned into dead ends. Ultimate blue balls.

12:19 AM  
Blogger OES said...

lol orgy of commentzzzz

12:26 AM  
Blogger Alceste said...

I agree with Iakaris - as a standalone 2.5 hours of TV, it was well-done and entertaining. But as a series finale, just incoherent.

12:42 AM  
Blogger HighOnPoker said...

I thought the finale was fantastic. If you are willing to draw your own conclusions on some topics and connect some dots, all the important stuff is answered.

I don't know why you wasted the last several months watching and writing about the show. You don't like it so stop watching it. That seems like the smart thing to do.

As it is, it just seems like you didn't get it. I swear, your tirade reads like someone who didn't watch the entire series but read about bits and pieces out of context. You simply did not understand the show, apparently for the entire series. So of course you hated it!

The only mystery that I was left wanting was: Why would anyone who hates this show spend so much time fixated on it?

My recommendation is to stick with the sitcoms and procedurals. You won't have to draw your own conclusions to fill out certain plot points and you won't have to consider sci-fi elements.

1:44 AM  
Blogger Mondogarage said...

I missed it. Did Pam Ewing wake up to find Bobby in the shower again?

2:05 AM  
Blogger APOSEC72 said...

No Bobbby Ewing, but a snowglobe would have been a more satisfying ending than what was actually put out there.

(St. Elsewhere's ending, for those who don't know - gah, another horrible ending)

3:37 AM  
Blogger Skramly said...

It was a cop out. I really disliked the increasingly religious slant the show took on over the last few seasons, and this final episode was the epitome of religious cliche and sanctimony. It's like the writers didn't know what to do with the complex plot they wove, so they fell back on what they were comfortable with: a bright light, a Jesus figure, Purgatory and Heaven. In the first seasons, I enjoyed the faith vs. science debate that centered around Locke and Jack. But unfortunately the writers took it too far, and it deteriorated into an overly righteous, saccharine mess. What a shame.

4:58 AM  

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