Dont-Want-To-Play Tilt

I donked very much on purpose out of the FTOPS on Monday night, around the middle of the first hour. For a $1060 buyin. That's all you need to know about my mindset right now. I literally called an allin reraise with of all things the dreaded JackAce. And it's not like I thought there was a chance in hike that I was ahead.

Similarly, I donked my way all the way up to 3rd place out of around 300 remaining in the 50-50 last night. But then I suffered one stoopid bad beat that took half my chips, and from there I literally tossed into the garbage my still top-80 stack. On purpose. With 83o or some shit against a tight preflop raiser who was obviously calling my push.

I just didn't give a crap, and I didn't want to be playing poker.

Not sure what I've done in the past when faced with this feeling, although I remember feeling it (several times) before. Does that mean I play tonight or take another day off? I suppose only time will tell.

Miami Don final tabled one more tournament on Blowdog in the afternoon, and still another final table in the evening on Monday. That guy is really figuring shit out after a long time chasing the mtt dream without really getting the whole game about late-stage tournament play. There is almost nothing better than watching a friend advance his game like that. Hopefully Don will take some time to write about some of the changes he has made to his game almost overnight in the past few days that have brought him such awesome results.

Maybe he can teach me a thing or two about having the right mindset to play a tournament these days.

I have more questions about major areas in my life at this moment than I've probably had in quite some time. I'm not sure if that is contributing to my general poker malaise or what, but I'm just not focused on the game like I need to be if I expect to actually play the the game properly. Much of the uncertainty in my life should (hopefully) be taken care of over the next few days, so perhaps once that is done I can get back to my normal routine. For now I have no plans to play any more large-buyin FTOPS events, as believe me when I say I am just throwing my money away. Literally.

Hey, at least I write when I'm running bad. Personally I find it really cheapens the whole blogging experience if I only post when I am on a hot streak. To me this feeling of frustration and just lack of focus and desire to play is part of the fun in a sick way, part of the real poker experience. At least, everyone goes through it, some more often than others, and when you read here you've always gotten a real-world view of poker from the eyes of a regular tournament player. It ain't all fun n games folks, especially for an old tilter like me.

See ya around. Maybe I'll donk it up at some super low limit cash tonight or something to try and clear my head. Who knows.

Weekend Recharge

Man. A nice weekend of no poker whatsoever. No mtts. No sngs. No frigging FTOPS. And I have got to say, I am feeling gooooood this morning. You know it's bad when just staying away from the game for a few days feels so dam good.

I have really taken some sick losses lately. I don't mean in big spots so much (though many have been), but rather some just disgusting hands the way they all played out in the end. I'm still seething over getting pokerstarsed hard in Pauly's tournament last week, and that was a full week ago for crying out loud. But pokerstars has previously pissed me off so much that I didn't play there for a fucking year, and it's sad how quickly I get reminded why. When some f-wad is literally trying to lose and then stars hands him the most recockulous flop imaginable in a totally unreadable situation to stack my far better hand, it just brings me right back to all those feelings I've had over most of the past few years about stars. I don't know what I'm actually trying to say, because it's not like I actually believe that pokerstars if fixed or anything -- I've had far too much success on that site to think it is anything but totally on the up-and-up just like full tilt -- but that doesn't stop my brain from recognizing the patterns on the sites and reacting to them. When dickheads are calling large preflop reraises with 75o and then flopping straights against high pocket pairs, with A2s and then flopping trip 2s, it has to make any thinking person wonder why they keep playing at that site.

And the shit hasn't just been happening on stars either. It's just been a bad couple of weeks for me for sure. That's why this weekend was so enjoyable for me. On a whim I decided to take my girls home to my parents' house for the weekend, where they absolutely love to go and hang out with their grandparents, swim in the pool and eat some good old-fashioned Philly food. I will admit to having eaten not one but two Philly cheesesteaks over just the four meals I was home with them this weekend, and dam is that shit good. It's sad, really, how impossible it is to get a truly good Philly steak anywhere in New York City. I mean, this is the biggest, baddest, best city in the world, and the food from all walks of life and all ethnicities and geographic areas is known the world around, and yet you can't get a dam Philly steak anywhere to save your life. Oh sure, plenty of restaurants have a Philly steak on the menu, but when you actually order it, it's not thinly-shaved top round steak grilled in succulent frying oil on a fresh, fluffy Philly-style bun. Typically it is some crappy filet mignon, sliced maybe 4 or 5 times and then laid out on a toasted piece of garlic bread or some shit. As a Philly guy, let's just say it is a major insult and leave it at that.

Anyways, this weekend I chowed down on some real Philly steak right from the Philadelphia area, had a blast with my kids, and completely avoided poker. Until I got back late on Sunday and found perennial tournament hater Miami Don not only running way deep in the Bodog 250k guaranteed for one of his biggest tournament scores ever, but I also learned that Don went nuts this weekend and cashed for another two large or so in a few other mtt's over the past few days. Seeing another blogger really start figuring shit out mtt-wise is what it's all about, and it being Don is especially cool for me since we have spent so much time together chatting about the game, about tournament strategy, and really just bitching to each other about the successes we wish we were having in our respective poker pursuits.

So that right there was my one and only poker highlight of the weekend, and I have to say that I liked it that way. Now for tonight I had previously qualified for this $1060 buyin FTOPS nlh tournament that I have played I think once before, and I am inclined to give it a go again tonight after a weekend away to recharge. If I'm not feeling it I will surely unregister and keep the nice wad of cash for another day, but one of these days I figure I will play well and avoid the sickening suckouts which have twice dusted me out just short of the money in the full tilt 1k buyin events and hit a nice score. I certainly feel up to the challenge myself, even though I have to acknowledge that the 1k buyin tournaments are a much, much harder field to play against than my usual $26 and $50 rabble. So come on by tonight during the 9pm ET 1k FTOPS event and see if I am still alive and kicking, and otherwise maybe I'll see you elsewhere on the felt during the evening's pokerings.