Dont-Want-To-Play Tilt

I donked very much on purpose out of the FTOPS on Monday night, around the middle of the first hour. For a $1060 buyin. That's all you need to know about my mindset right now. I literally called an allin reraise with of all things the dreaded JackAce. And it's not like I thought there was a chance in hike that I was ahead.

Similarly, I donked my way all the way up to 3rd place out of around 300 remaining in the 50-50 last night. But then I suffered one stoopid bad beat that took half my chips, and from there I literally tossed into the garbage my still top-80 stack. On purpose. With 83o or some shit against a tight preflop raiser who was obviously calling my push.

I just didn't give a crap, and I didn't want to be playing poker.

Not sure what I've done in the past when faced with this feeling, although I remember feeling it (several times) before. Does that mean I play tonight or take another day off? I suppose only time will tell.

Miami Don final tabled one more tournament on Blowdog in the afternoon, and still another final table in the evening on Monday. That guy is really figuring shit out after a long time chasing the mtt dream without really getting the whole game about late-stage tournament play. There is almost nothing better than watching a friend advance his game like that. Hopefully Don will take some time to write about some of the changes he has made to his game almost overnight in the past few days that have brought him such awesome results.

Maybe he can teach me a thing or two about having the right mindset to play a tournament these days.

I have more questions about major areas in my life at this moment than I've probably had in quite some time. I'm not sure if that is contributing to my general poker malaise or what, but I'm just not focused on the game like I need to be if I expect to actually play the the game properly. Much of the uncertainty in my life should (hopefully) be taken care of over the next few days, so perhaps once that is done I can get back to my normal routine. For now I have no plans to play any more large-buyin FTOPS events, as believe me when I say I am just throwing my money away. Literally.

Hey, at least I write when I'm running bad. Personally I find it really cheapens the whole blogging experience if I only post when I am on a hot streak. To me this feeling of frustration and just lack of focus and desire to play is part of the fun in a sick way, part of the real poker experience. At least, everyone goes through it, some more often than others, and when you read here you've always gotten a real-world view of poker from the eyes of a regular tournament player. It ain't all fun n games folks, especially for an old tilter like me.

See ya around. Maybe I'll donk it up at some super low limit cash tonight or something to try and clear my head. Who knows.