The Four Stages To Dealing With Bad Beats

On the recommendation from a few people, mostly from the KOD himself who I really haven't seen have such a positive reaction to a poker book as this one in quite a while, I bought and started reading The Poker Mindset by two donkeys named Ian Taylor and Matthew Hilger. I'm enjoying it, though perhaps not quite as much as KOD, because while some of its ideas, while not necessarily earth-shatteringly new, certainly are presented in a flat-out straightforward way that I think would be useful to many people who play the game of poker regularly. In particular, tiltmonkeys like myself, KOD and many of you out there could probably benefit from the authors' way of telling it like it is with respect to the required mindset to be a successful poker player, and that is something I wanted to focus on today.

In Chapter 4, the authors discuss bad beats and losing big pots, and go on to describe the four stages of dealing with such losses. These are presented in order from least useful (and perhaps most common) to the most useful approach and attitude one should have about losing a big pot and/or getting bad beat in poker, something every single one of us has to deal with all the time. Some of us (me) more than others (you) of course, as it is a simple fact that the better you play the game, the more often you will get in ahead and thus the more often you will get bad beat, while the worse you are, the more often you get in behind and thus the more often you will have the opportunity to lay a bad beat on someone. But the specter of getting bad beat is always present for all of us, and that's why I thought this approach in The Poker Mindset was worthy of mentioning here today.

So here are the four stages of dealing with bad beats and big losses, according to the book (I am paraphrasing here). Ideally, you want to progress up between the stages such that, while most people start at Stage 1, you really want to be st Stage 4, or for sure at least at Stage 3. I find these to be a helpful way of evaluating your own game and your own approach to the lows associated with any regular poker playing:

1. Stage 1 -- Anger: "What a fonkey! How could he call with that shitty draw? How can I consistently be the unluckiest person in the world? I'm going to play every pot he is in from now on to get my chips back!"

2. Stage 2 -- Frustration: "What a bad beat! How am I going to win at poker when there's always some fonkey willing to chase an inside straight or 2nd pair shizzy kicker? I know over the long run that guy will lose all his money, but I really needed that pot. That loss really hurts."

3. Stage 3 -- Acceptance: "Ouch! Well that's just the way poker works some times. I know I'll get his money in the long run if he keeps playing like that, so I just have to be patient with this guy. Now I know he is a calling station, so I will label or note him accordingly and play him with that in mind in the future. I wonder if I could have played that hand any differently to increase my chances of winning the pot."

4. Stage 4 -- Indifference: "OK so now I know that the big blind will call down with pretty much anything, so I will take that into account in future hands with him. I wonder what the button had to have bet on the flop before folding to the raise on the turn. I should note that he continuation-bet in that spot for future hands. Maybe I should have raised on the flop in the hopes of pushing the big blind out of the hand at that point? But then again do I really want to push the big blind out if he's willing to pay off all those bets with such a weak draw."

Now, most of you may think I am a real tiltmonkey, and lord knows I tend to write pissay blog posts when someone sucks out on me after a horrible play. That said, I actually think I score fairly well on this scale. Let's take a look.

Obviously, I have some qualities of a few of these different stages. Clearly I get angry when I get bad beat, and to be honest I'm not quite sure I understand why I should not get angry. I mean, no way am I indifferent to a bad beat loss. That is like a very zen view of poker that, in my opinion, very very few people ever reach. Certainly there isn't a blogger in our group that I can think of who never gives a cripe at all when they lose to a bad beat following a horrible play by their opponent. Like I said, I'm simply not at a place where I care not at all about losing in a big spot to the world's worst player making the world's worst play.

That said, I do accept completely that bad beats are a part of this game. I don't know how many of you out there railbird me with any regularity, but if you do, you will see that I literally probably get bad beat out of 1 in every 3 tournaments I play. It may be more than that. I am constantly getting in ahead and ending up behind. It's the story of my effing life guys. Last night was a perfect example, where I lost one sng with my buddy buckhoya when my allin with AK was called by QT on a KQx flop, and then a Queen hit the turn to send me home on the bubble. How ghey. That suckout right there, based on a horrible, reckless play by my opponent, cost me at least $60 and probably more like $100 on average. Just like that. It bothered me when it happened, but I didn't flip out at the guy. I'm not saying I never, ever do that, but as a general statement, the fact is that I get bad beat out of one or two tournaments every single night, or I get recockusetup like the hand against cmitch in the MATH the other night when I turned trips but he had flopped the redickulous nut straight with his J9o, and I normally don't flip out at all. I know I'm not just the "angry" or "frustrated" reacter (Stage 1 or Stage 2) because I used to be just that. I used to flip out every single time I lost like this, and it used to ruin my night, I would go on tilt, yadda yadda yadda you guys know the routine. Well, I'm not even close to that anymore. A bad beat might pizz me off on occasion, but in general I actually tend to take these things in stride nowadays, a whole heck of a lot more than I once did. I do understand that bad beats are a part of the game, and in a good 95% or more of the cases, I take them in stride.

More than that, I always note everybody when they make a shit play to bad beat me like this. I take very detailed notes, to the degree that I will make sure to remind myself for the next time of what they did by saying "will call with 2nd pair shitty kicker on flop on sng bubble". I want to know this in detail -- as opposed to just saying "UBER FONKEY" in my note or something like that -- because the next time I play with this dinkledonk, I want to be able to use their specific weakness against them. And I do it, too. There's nothing better than sitting down at the table with a guy who I've played with and noted with specificity in the past, and and being able to take direct advantage of exactly what that opponent does poorly at the game of poker. And it happens all the time.

So, despite the impression that some of you might get from reading here every day, the vast majority of the time I get bad beat, I take it in stride, I don't go nuts, and I make specific note of my opponent's bad play such that I can take advantage of the guy at a later date. That is my MO when I get bad beat, plain and simple. And I'm always thinking about what I could have done or can do differently the next time to win these pots. In all, this makes me think I am closer to Stage 3 than anything else. No way I am at Stage 4 -- like I said, not only am I not "indifferent" to taking bad beats, but I'm not even at the point where I think I should be indifferent to a bad beat. I don't even really understand that frame of mind, and I don't see true indifference as even a goal that I ought to be striving for, let alone something I actually attain. So I'm definitely not at Stage 4. But I would classify myself as Stage 3, with some angry/frustrated tendencies still from Stage 1 or 2. Not sure if I'll ever truly not be frustrated or angry at a given bad beat, though believe me when I say I have more than accepted that these are just a part of the game.

If only the poor players didn't get rewarded so often for their poor play against me, I could see true Stage 3 as a real possibility. It's still a constant struggle for me, that is for sure, but I think I am doing ok from this perspective overall after a few years of consistent, solid and regular online and live poker play.

Which stage of dealing with bad beats do you think your game is at?