Work Tilt Update

Well, I'm still tilting off my ass today from my work situation. I berated the shit out of my boss like I was chatting to him in the pokerstars chatbox yesterday, which felt great in a way but also highlighted just how disgusting my work situation has become. I do appreciate everyone's thoughts on the topic, most of which I agree with 100%. And FWIW, I have been looking and will continue to look for jobs, which has not proven too difficult for me to do thus far thanks to a solid resume and a lot of experience in my field, so something will happen for me I'm sure. And believe you me, you all will be among the first to know when it does.

I've done the most amazing thing this week with respect to my poker game, something which definitely shows the first concrete signs of maturity with respect to tilt that I have ever really shown before. While I've been so everloving work tilted, it has been very, very obvious to me that I cannot play even close to my optimal poker game. I come home from work in a piss-poor mood, I can't even really help putting the kids to bed because I know my temper is super short and they do not deserve to bear the brunt of that (and those of you with young kids will know how impossibly annoying putting them to bed can be sometimes). I just don't have the temperament for it, and so I've been avoiding it, to good results.

Similarly, when I sit down to the pc, I have actually made the smart fucking decision not to play so much poker. I can feel it in my bones that I am on perma-tilt right now, and there is no way I can play poker at even approaching my normal level. There have been a few blonkaments that I've wanted to play despite the rage I feel swelling up inside, so I have sat down for them, but otherwise I have pretty much stayed away from my normal mtt routine that I have gotten used to for this year. Lately I've been satelliting in to the 5050 on both pokerstars and full tilt, in addition to some other nlh, omaha or other tournaments and some sitngos on each site, for total nightly buyins of probably around $250 or more on average. But for the last few days, I haven't spent much more than a fifth of that on any night, playing just enough to get me into the nightly blonkament of my choice plus maybe one or two other smallish tables just to keep me occupied during my normal ubertight play (ha ha). This is honestly the first time in my three years plus of playing regular online poker that I have consistently and purposefully reined in my play based purely on my being on tilt even before I sat down at the pc. And I have to say, it's definitely a good idea, and more than that, I feel good doing it. I feel smart doing it.

So who knows when I will be back to my regular poker routine. Right now things are all messed up at work -- my boss and I, who are normally quite close, have not spoken a word in two days, and as far as I'm concerned that can continue forever because I am enjoying it and I can physically see it eating him up inside. This guy fucked with the wrong marine as far as I am concerned, and I have nothing but coldness and pitilessness for his plight at this point, knowing that as usual he has no one to blame but himself. It will all work itself out, but in the meantime I just don't quite know when my game will be back to being itself. But I do know that I'm not going to go and tilt off 2/3 of my roll while I wait for that to happen, and that if nothing else is a nice improvement from the previous times I have been on non-poker-related tilt.

And btw, those of you who play on pokerstars will note that a quick email to their support has corrected my address from the mythical Toronto to the true and correct New York City. Sorry for any confusion.

Don't forget the $1 rebuy donkament tonight at 9pm ET on full tilt, password as always is "donkarama". I may or may not be there, I guess it depends on how much shitsucking my fragile psyche can handle tonight. If I'm a man, I will play. I guess we'll see.