NFL -- Week 12 Picks

Hopefully you all have had as awesome of a Thanksgiving weekend so far as I have. I know I say this every time I get to spend some time with my family without my effing job getting in the way, but a big splotch of time like this with my wife and kids simply cannot be beat, regardless of where you go or what you do with the time. The truth of the matter is that I have been so focused over the past couple of years on excelling and proving my worth at my job that it has slowly but surely encroached to the point that it has completely taken over my life. Just to keep up with the incredible amount of work I have taken on -- and which the powers that be have willingly availed themselves of with me -- I am up at the crack of dawn (before that, actually) five days a week, I'm the first one in the office, and I still don't get to see my kids at all many nights on the other end of the work day. Plus, I check the PDA at every red light on my drive home every day, and many days I walk in the door and head right to my home pc to log right back in to the same email account I've been slaving over all day already at the office. To get some time like this where I've truly just disconnected is simply invaluable, and it does wonders every time to put back into perspective what is really, seriously important and awesome for me.

OK, enough with the sappy stuff. Back to football. I should mention that longtime asshead Marvin Lewis officially joined Mike Singletary among the ranks of the truly legally idiotic on Thanksgiving day this week when his player Reche Caldwell was adjuged to have touched the ball on a punt return in a crucial spot in a close game to lead to an alleged fumble recovery by the Jets, and even though Caldwell could not have been clearer that he did not believe he touched the ball, and even with the replay clearly showing how laughably far from him the ball was and how he could not possibly have touched it, and how there thus could not possibly have been a fumble on the play, and what does Marvin do? Stone cold nothing. What a piece of shit. I mean, I didn't play that game, I'm neither a Jets nor a Bengals fan -- if anything, I've thoroughly enjoyed this run the Jets have had as I spend my days in New York -- so I have no personal stake whatsoever. But there are a million people who are Bengals fans out there, and they don't care if the team is yet again mired in another hopelessly losing season. Giving up on the game like that should be grounds for immediate termination, and you can rest assured that I and a million Bengals fans out there would have done just that if given the chance at that moment. How the fuck dare that shitmonkey Marvin Lewis not even challenge an obviously wrong call that gave the Jets an unearned turnover and essentially put away a football game where the Bengals had been close to coming back against a team that hasn't played a good game against a bad team in over a month. I'll tell you what though -- the moment that Coach Marvin chose not to give a shit about the game like that, was the same moment that I stopped giving a shit about the game myself. I don't need to invest any time or interest in a game that the frigging head coach of one of the teams by definition doesn't give a shit about. It's obvious that Marvin Lewis -- pretty much the single worst coach in football today other than his alter ego Mike Singletary in San Francisco -- will be fired at season's end and with good reason. But if that owner had even the smallest twig in his pants he would have fired that horse's ass right there in the middle of the season. In the middle of the game. What a piece of shit.

But hey don't worry, the schmuckhole announcers didn't even say a thing about it when it happened. I call it "Collinsworth Syndrome" -- as much as the officials in the NFL are absolutely hell bent on taking over the game instead of just calling it, the announcers have absolutely zero interest in calling the game as they see it, instead preferring to merely do and say whatever they have to to protect the integrity of the job the referees are doing. It's gotten to the point where you know you saw it wrong if the announcers agree with you, and if Roger Gooddell thinks that's what's good for the game, then he's as wrong about that as he is about allowing his refs to take over the games. Like the NBA twenty-some years ago, nobody can even conceive of the NFL ever not being the behemoth in this country and around the world that it is today. But I can. By the time Gooddell figures it out, it will probably be too late for his sport, but I'll have seen it coming, what else is new.

OK so after a dominatory 3-0 performance last week, where I got all three games correct all the way down to the most minute details as if they were an opponent's holding at the river, the season record has swollen to 17-14-2. Having not liked any of the three Turkey Day games this week, I've got three more picks in some interesting situations heading into Week 14. So here they are, in no particular order as always:

1. Cleveland Browns pickem vs. Carolina Panthers. Here's another line that is almost too good to be true, but the truth of the matter is that the too good to be true lines this year have almost all paid off on the "obvious" side. The Panthers are pretty much the worst team in the NFL this year, and even with horrible Jake Delhomme being given a gift start against his old team this weekend, the Browns should be consistently better than the Panthers, in particular at home. As a pickem, the value on this one isn't even close to close.

2. Houston Texans pickem vs. Tennessee Titans. Here's another home team facing an opponent with all kinds of trouble, and once again I think the value is clearly weighted on their side. The Titans have no quarterback, Randy Moss has already proven beyond any doubt to be a total bust on his third team of this NFL season, and the Texans haven't played so well over their last few games despite having a formidable offense. This seems to me to be the week they break out and nab their next win, and at a pickem I'll take my chances with the home team on this one.

3. Washington Redskins -2 vs Minnesotaq Vikings. The Redskins obviously suck, so this pick has nothing to do with them. This is an anti-Vikings pick, plain and simple. Unlike Jerry Jones, who fired his horribad coach at the perfect time midseason to still get his players to play and to still leave them and his interim head coach with a reason to try, the Vikings owner -- who clearly thinks he's doing exactly the same thing as Dallas -- has actually made a completely boneheaded play in firing head man Brad Childress in Week 13. I mean, the Vikings are 100% totally and completely finished, and they literally probably will not win another game this year. Childress obviously had to go -- clearly he has been a moron for a loooong time and pretty much has always been in over his head as a head coach -- but I'm pretty sure the Vikes' owner is about to be treated to exactly why you almost never see teams change head men mid-season like this. The Redskins are pretty much an embarrassment to the sport, but they could win this weekend against the Vikings at home by double digits. If not triple.

NFL -- Week 8 Picks

Well, since there is nothing going on out there in the world of baseball to focus on right now, I thought I would turn my thoughts to a little bit about football, and in particular what is shaping up to be a fabulous NFL schedule for Week 7 this coming weekend. Last week -- actually, two weeks ago I guess -- I suffered my worst week of the season picking games, going 1-4 and dropping my overall season record on the games I have picked to a dismal 8-11-1. Assuming you're paying the standard 10% vig on all losses, that is an overall loss so far of just over 4 units over 20 units bet, which is not going to hack it by a long shot. Then last week I guess I flat-out forgot to pick the games for Week 6, which may or may not be a good thing, but I can tell you right now which games I would have picked last week from the short amount of time I did spend looking at the games in advance of last weekend: I would have taken the Raiders +6.5 against the 49ers (and lost, as the Raiders lost by 8 points), the Falcons +2.5 against the Eagles (and lost since the Eagles blew out), the Vikings -2.5 vs the Cowboys (and won), and the easiest game by far of the weekend, the Titans -3 against the horribad Jaguars (and won). So it would likely have been another .500 or so weekend for me even if I had gotten the picks up in time, but I am ok skipping last week just like I did with Week 1 and just moving it on from here with the season record starting at 8-11-1.

So, for Week 7, here are my picks in no particular order as always, which I am going to try to start focusing on only picking the games I feel most comfortable with, as opposed to forcing myself to pick exactly five games on a weekly basis, which clearly is not working for me so far or showing any improvement over two years of posting my picks for all to see:

1. Kansas City Chiefs (pick'em) over Jacksonville Jaguars. I think KC is far better than people thought heading into this season, they are coming off a tough loss on the road at Houston last week and will be hungry to get back into the win column, and they are at home at their new stadium against a team that I think it not nearly as good as its 3-3 record would indicate. And I don't even have to give any points to pick the clearly superior team in a heads-up match at home. Easy pick right there.

2. Miami Dolphins +3 vs. Pittsburgh Steelers. Here is another underrated team in the Dolphins playing a very good Steelers team, but facing them at home in Miami, a place where the Dolphins have yet to record a win in this season. I'm not sure the Fins are going to win this game outright, but this team has a way of quietly but effectively befuddling their opponents, and something tells me the 3 point spread here will cover the difference if the Steelers manage to squeak this one out.

3. Carolina Panthers +3 vs. San Francisco 49ers. I tried to pick the Panthers to win their first home game of the season against the Bears a couple of weeks back but my timing was not quite right with that one. Nonetheless, I'm back at it again today picking Carolina in another home game, this time against an even worse team in the 49ers. With the three extra points coming Carolina's way, I just can't pass up the value here, especially since I've thrown in the towel officially on 49ers coach Mike Singletary after I watched him pull Alex Smith aside in the team's Week 5 game and bitch his quarterback out for making a risky throw in a game that he pointed directly to the scoreboard to show Smith was, in Singletary's clear words from reading his lips, scored at "20-14". The only problem was, the real score was 24-10 at the time. When your head coach doesn't even know basic two-digit numerals, it's time for me to start picking against you, end of story.

4. Green Bay Packers -3 vs. Minnesota Vikings. This is a bit of a gamble in that the Vikings will have had another full week to better integrate Randy Moss into their passing game, and given how much Brett Favre got up for the games against his former team back in 2009, but with all the focus on Favre and his transgressions this week, his meeting with the commissioner and the endless media questions about why he is not denying this story with the Jen Sterger business if it isn't true, something tells me that the Pack will bounce back this week at home in a huge game to get their season turned around right. I would rather this be a pickem than give three points to the Vikes, but I still think this is a good pick for a team that has not looked as good as they should over the past couple of games in Green Bay.

Woe to the Elderly

My lord, how many times is Brett Favre going to lose a game by throwing an ill-adivsed interception in the final minutes while attempting to lead his team on a game-winning drive to come from behind and win? The first several times it happened, I'm not sure I even realized it as those instances were spread over a couple of years, they weren't all in nationally televised games, etc. By the time Favre was already getting kinda over the hill, he started doing this in big games. Major games. Playoff games. I remember he lost a playoff game at home in overtime for the Packers with a pick-6 to soem dude with long dreadlocks. I know about the hair because that's all you could see of him sticking out of the back of his helmet as he ran away from the camera towards the Packers' end zone after jumping right in front of Favre's telegraphed pass and taking it home.

Then there were the last few years, where this has seemed much more the norm for Favre than the aberration. Shit, even after Favre's incredible performance in the 2009 regular season of 33 touchdowns to just 7 picks, he still managed to find a way to end his season and dash the hopes of millions of Green Bay fans around the world with a horrible interception in the NFC Championship that cost his team a game that they were down three points in with just seconds to go in the game. And they were already in field goal range! And now last night, after getting embarrassed in the first half by the Jets' defense, Favre comes out, finds Randy Moss on a picture-perfect run and catch play, finds Percy Harvin on a nice crossing route, and before you know it, his team is down just 2 points and with the ball in their hands in the final two minutes, needing maybe 30, 35 yards from scrimmage to secure the game-winning field goal.

And then boom, another interception. Another pick-6. Another loss for Favre who just cannot control himself when it comes to thinking that he can thread any needle, pass into any kind of coverage, find any seam imaginable.

Brett Favre sucks. Between his injured ankle, the throwing elbow that is clearly plaguing him more than he is letting on based on how tenderly he treated it all through the second half last night, the ongoing issues with his idiot coach Brad Childress, the injuries to his wide receiver corps, how horrible his team is this year, the incredible disappointment of failing to even come close to the fans' expectations for the Vikings this season, and now on top of all that, the allegations that he made unwanted sexual advances to a female New York Jets employee including sending her unwanted pictures of his package, how much is that guy desperately wishing that he never came back to football at this point?

For My Teammates

Really, Brett Favre? You're just doing this for your teammates, huh?

I guess that extra $4 million in guaranteed money that you wrangled out of your head coach and GM last week by first tweeting to some players that you were hanging 'em up, that was also for your teammates then too, right? Like, maybe getting the team to pay you more money would translate indirectly to higher salaries for all of your teammates? Or was it that after paying you that extra money, you've been planning all along to distribute the wealth among your offensive linemen behind the scenes?

Oh, and while we're doing all this great stuff for our teammates, I guess ditching out on training camp for what, the fourth consecutive season, that was to help your teammates too, right? Make them more independent, teach them how to win games without any real player leading the offense? Help the defense learn to take over games when they know Tavaris Jackson or Sage Rosenfels is just waiting on the sidelines to give the ball right back to the bad guys?

The fact that Favre retired two weeks ago and now this is basically comical. Two years ago it was a selfish, dick move and totally self-centered. Last year it was pretty much unbelievable given Favre's recent previous history with his time in the league. This year? It has to be being done on purpose. I mean, the guy went and did that electronics commercial where he can't make a decision about buying a tv. And even though every single person in America with two neurons to rub together between their ears has known since the moment Favre ruined the Vikings' 2009-2010 campaign with the late pick while in range to tie the game with a field goal with under two minutes to go in the NFC Championship that Favre would surely be returning for another season with the Vikes in 2010-2011, Favre still went and tweeted about retiring not two weeks ago. Then he got another 4 mil plus incentives, and now he's back just like that.

Oh, and last year the escort he required was from head coach Brad Childress to leave practice and come to pick Favre up at the airport. This year? Three teammates left practice for two days and flew down to Favre's home in Mississippi, stayed overnight, and only then did Favre agree to return to Minnesota with them to plan out how he is going to play again this year. So I guess it's not enough that he misses practice, but he also needs to make his coaches and teammates miss practice as well.

Anything to be the center of attention. Anything to get the talking heads at ESPN waxing poetic again about the man, the myth, the legend (all in his own mind).

Is there anybody in America (ok, outside the state of Minnesota) who is not actively rooting for this guy to get injured and miss many games early in the 2010 season?

Just make sure you realllllly take in and appreciate every single game Favre plays this year, because he has already made it known that this will be his final year in the NFL.

Uh huh.

Oops He Did It Again

As far as manipulators go, Brett Favre is proving himself to be one of the all-time best. I mean, this is a guy who single-handedly ruined the offseason of his last few teams with the Packers, and now two years running with the Vikings as well. A guy who hasn't been to training camp in a good 3+ years even though he's started every single regular season game of all three seasons. A guy who talked the Jets into releasing him halfway through a two-year contract a couple of years back, just so (as he claimed) he could re-sign with the Packers and then retire in the yellow and gold, and then not two weeks later was talking about signing a new deal with the Vikings. So we are dealing with a manipulator extraordinaire here. But, if you can get past the way Favre continues to manipulate things to all work just the way he wants them, the selfishness, the pomp and circumstance involved in everything Brett Favre does all year long, what he just did over the past two days with the Vikings is actually pretty damn smart.

Think about it: Brett Favre knows he wants to play again, but he also knows that he has zero chance of even considering going to camp. He knows that decision is not and would not be taken lightly by his teammates, who are out there busting their humps doing twoadays every day in the heat starting this month. It's frowned upon by everyone in the NFL to skip out on camp and then arrive for the season to start. And, on top of his long-seen desire to avoid training camp, Favre also knows that his recently-operated-on ankle is still hurting him.

So what does Favre really want to do? Favre wants to tell Brad Childress that he would like to play football in 2010, but that he isn't sure if he'll be able to play on his injured foot this season, and even if so, exactly when he'll be able to play. The problem is, even John Madden would have to take Favre's schlong out of his mouth for a few minutes to say what a dick move that would be for Favre to do to the Vikings, basically telling them, "I'm the best quarterback in the NFC if I play, but I don't know if or when I can play this year. But don't necessarily go get someone else (as if it isn't too late for them to do that already), because I really would like to play this year and I hope that I can." Given the way Favre has handled his future in the NFL over each of the past five or six seasons at this point (the last few with the Pack, the Jets season, and now two with Minnesota at least), for him to bust out with that kind of a put-off and totally eff up the Vikings' entire 2010 season hands-down like that would be just terrible, and Favre knows it and knows that even his fading teflon image would not withstand that kind of a middle finger to his team.

So what can Favre to do to get what he wants, and yet not be ridden out of town for doing it? How can he get the people of Minnesota, the fans, Brad Childress and the rest of the Vikes' coaching staff, and his teammates all to allow him to just come back to the Vikes whenever the hell he wants and not even be mad at him for doing it? Is there even a possible way to get that outcome?

Sure is: Retire first.

That's right. Don't make it too official or anything, but send some text messages to a few choice players that imply that you're hanging it up. Make Brad Childress deal for 24 hours with the thought of a 2010 season with Tavaris Jackson at quarterback instead of Brett Favre. Make each and every one of his teammates face the reality of busting ass this year for likely a crappy team with no one with the chops to lead on the offense. Force every Vikings fan in Minnesota and around the country to accept that this nucleus's window is closed, their run is over, and the team will go back immediately to being an afterthought and an also-ran in the NFC playoff picture. Then you come back a day later and tell them that you are willing to play after all (after the team offered him $7 million in guarantees and incentives on top of the $13 million Favre was already slated to earn in 2010), but that you just don't know when yet, and suddenly the guy goes from being a goat to being an absolute hero to everyone associated with the Minnesota Vikings organization.

It's the oldest trick in the book, really. Get everyone's expectations so totally beaten down, their hopes to hopelessly crushed, and then you can spring on them the news that is still the same exact horrible thing you're doing to the team, but only now it will seem like an improvement instead of a rooking. In fact, play your cards just right, scare 'em enough with your retirement talk, and those people will suddenly think your 2010 plan is just plain awesome.

So you gotta hand it to Favre. Sure, his arrogance and his egotism are unrivaled by basically anyone in his sport. Maybe all sports in general even. But the guy just showed us all again that when he is truly willing to pull out all the stops, Favre knows how to get what he wants as good as anyone in the spotlight today.

For Reals?

Does anybody out there really believe that we won't see Brett Favre donning a Minnesota Vikings uniform at some point during the 2010 NFL regular season?

The only thing I can say is that, while I know some perfectly nice Vikings fans myself, it is only fair that Minny fans have to deal now for two seasons with what Green Bay fans had to deal with for what, Favre's last four seasons with the Packers? I mean sure, he only officially "retired" two other times, but how many other years did he tell the team he didn't know if he would play next year, and then go on to string Packers management along for months on end?

Odds in my view are:

25% Favre is retired. For good.

50% Favre returns to quarterback the Vikings in mid-season, with the team's offense non-existent and the season on the line, once his ankle is feeling better.

25% Favre announces this week that he will return to the Vikings once the team offers him more money, more prestige, and most of all after he gets his name all over Sportscenter for another couple of days.

So, 3 to 1 that Favre comes back to the Vikes this year at some point. Some retirement.

Football Frenzy, and Favre F*cks it Again

Kostanza FTW!! That's right -- after going an abysmal 6-21 or whatever it was in my final 27 picks of the NFL season, including the first two rounds of the playoffs where I finished 3-5, it had become painfully obvious to me that I had turned into the Joe Bloggs of picking NFL games. There's just no other way to see it, and I am nothing if not introspective. So, being that I was still interested in picking these games, that left me with little else to do last Thursday night other than to pull a George Kostanza from undoubtedly the best Seinfeld episode ever, and just pick each game exactly as I normally would, and then bet the opposite of those picks. I mean, I literally won just 6 out of my last 27 picks, so that means I was reliably wrong in my analysis an amazing 78% of the time! Who in the world has access to an indicator that spot-on for NFL games, right? Just me. And the result?

A big, fat 2-0 on the weekend. And what a weekend it was of NFL football.

Where to begin? I suppose let's start with the Colts. I don't want to write a lot about what an amazing performance Peyton Manning had against the vaunted Jets defense, who coming in had only given up 8 passing touchdowns all season before Manning torched them for three on Sunday afternoon, mostly because I know everyone else in the world is gonna be gushing about the guy for the next two weeks straight. But it's pretty clear what happened in that game in my eyes. When the Jets played the Bengals in the playoffs, Darelle Revis essentially took Chad Ochocinco out of the game as far as big plays, and qb Carson Palmer and the Bengals couldn't get it going anywhere else enough to make a game out of it with the Jets. Then last week, when the Jets visited the Chargers, once again Darelle Revis essentially took Vincent Jackson out of the game from a big-play perspective -- V-Jack actually had a very productive day but he was not in the picture in the big plays and did not sniff a touchdown on the day. Although Antonio Gates also went on to have a similarly nice day in stats but never getting near the end zone, the bottom line is that Phillip Rivers and that team were simply not able to make effective use of their other players once V-Jack wasn't going to be catching any 45-yard touchdowns on the day, and the Jets' defense ended up totally stifling and embarrassing the Chargers in front of their home-town fans. So when the Jets brought Darelle Revis into Indy-town this weekend for the right to play in the Superbowl, they figured he would be able to essentially keep Reggie Wayne out of the end zone, and once again they were right. But unlike Carson Palmer and the Phillip Rivers before him, Peyton Manning had just the answer for the deletion of Reggie Wayne from his repertoire in this game: Pierre Garcon and Austin Collie. Two rookies. Rookies! And this time it was the Jets who just had no answer, as Manning absolutely lit up that defense for nearly 400 yards and 3 touchdowns just through the air, and as expected the Jets were just not able to keep up.

Think about the Jets' side of things for a minute, it hardly needs to be said out loud how clearly this was a very solid year for the beleaguered "second franchise" from New Jersey York. I mean, this was a rookie head coach in Rex Ryan who, by the end of the season, seemed to have more or less figured out this league, didn't he? What he did to the Bengals was one thing, they had a very good year and many expected them to win the game in the Wildcard round a few weeks back, but it was the Chargers game that really cemented this team's season this year as more than just a passing fancy. And they also played a rookie quarterback behind center all season as well, and even though there were a great many low points during Sanchise's 2009 campaign, he certainly finished up strong, winning seven of his final eight starts before losing to the Colts, and winning three out of four on the road in his final four games of the season to make it to the conference championship in his first season as a pro. This team has a long way to go to be able to best the likes of Peyton Manning, but at the same time, unlike some teams that played this weekend, it's not like they mistake'd themselves into losing to the Colts on Sunday. The best team in the AFC from start to finish is the one going to the Superbowl now, and the Jets made a nice effort but simply did not have what it takes to stop Peyton Manning, most likely the greatest quarterback to ever play the game. When you see a guy doing what he does statistically -- taking on all comers, including the NFL's best defense in the Jets this weekend -- and also clearly playing the role of offensive coordinator, audibling and calling the plays regularly on offense, and the offensive line coach, etc. it's easy to forget that no other player in the league does that. Manning is just mind-numbing.

Anyways, I promised myself I wouldn't write about Peyton like that in this post. So moving on to the other game, this was another great shootout-style of game like we've seen elsewhere in the NFC playoffs this year, only the point totals at 31-28 were not quite as high as previously, mostly because there were 87 turnovers in this game. And the New Orleans Saints are going to their first Superbowl ever. For those of you who have spent any amount of time in New Orleans over the years, can you even imagine the party going on there last night (and still now I am sure)? Or in two weeks if the Saints manage to find a way to outscore Peyton and the Colts? Wow. Drew Brees only threw for 197 yards, but his three touchdowns were enough to keep pace with the Vikings, who badly outgained the Saints on the day and seemed to move the ball at will before either AP, Brett Favre, or a combination of both AP and Brett Favre would fumble the ball, with the occasional interception thrown in as well for good measure.

And for the Vikings fans out there, what a sick, sick way to end the 2009-2010 season, obviously. The Favre haters out there -- and lord knows there are a shit-ton of you, you know who you are -- could literally not have scripted this thing better. I mean, the poetic justice of Favre coming back to the Vikings this year, having the year he had, with 30-some tds and just the 7 interceptions, to then end the team's run in a situation where his team basically had a long field goal attempt to win the game already, and really only needed 5 or 10 more yards to give their kicker a really good shot, by throwing that interception. It's like a movie, almost. A horror flick for the Minnesota fans out there, that is for sure. Favre actually threw too hideous picks in the game, as I've heard some monkeys on the radio since the game give Favre a pass due to the rush about to hit him on his first pick, in reality that's exactly what made that so horrible. He Eli Manning'ed it! The rush was coming in his face, and rather than chuck the ball away, or just tuck it in and take the sack, instead Favre leans back on his heels, falling backwards, and just sidearms the ball forward to avoid getting tackled with the ball. And it goes right to the Saints defender cutting in from the side, who of course Favre didn't see as he fell backward and lashed out his arm blindly at the last possible second.

And then Favre's interception with his team very close to field goal range with 8 seconds left in a tie game....I mean, if you're Brett Favre, how do you throwing a fuggin pick there? How? Your team is close to field goal range, your kicker's career long is the exact 57 yards that this kick would be right now if the Vikes cannot pick up any more yards. If you can get maybe 5, maybe 10 more yards, that would probably make a big difference. Just run the ball, maybe throw a real short, real quick screen or something. Whatever you do, just make sure you don't throw a pick. Not with a chance to win the game and go to the Superbowl already within our grasp. While Mark Sanchez of the Jets for the most part played a solid game against the Colts in the early game on Sunday, it turned out to be Brett Favre who played more like Sanchise, throwing just 1 touchdown but the two huge interceptions that kept his team from having a chance to win this game in a spot where they very nearly already had a chance to win if they could have only held on to the ball.

And while I'm on the topic, Brad Childress embarrassed himself so much as a head coach this year. I mean, he's actually worse than Andy Reid! Hands down. Not only was there the whole debacle this year where Favre bent him over and fire-raped him when Childress failed in his attempt to wrestle play-calling control back from Favre who was repeatedly changing running plays to passing plays all season long, but Childress single-handedly contributed to his team's breakdown at the end of regulation, and it was the kind of mistake that is so blatant, so overt, that people all over the country (yours truly included) were pointing it out right when he did it, as opposed to just after the fact. After Chester Taylor ripped off a nice run for a new first down in Saints' territory, Brad Childress made the unthinkable decision to just run the clown down until there was just time for one or two plays left, rather than using a couple of well-intentioned running plays to do that while also picking up a few more yards along the way. Instead, because Childress allowed time to whittle down to only one or two plays left, when his team then made an incredible procedure penalty to get moved our of field goal range, he put Favre in a situation where Favre felt pressure to make some kind of a play, and to do so fast. This doesn't absolve Favre from his shit throw or his penchant for ending seasons and dashing his fans' hopes with overtime interceptions late in the playoffs, but Childress deserves a huge amount of the blame for his utterly obvious, even-in-real-time evident gaffe that directly cost his team a trip to the Superbowl. Brett Favre might be careless in the clutch, but Brad Childress, you are a bona fide moron.

This week I should have two fun posts on stories of nice tournament scores I have made of late, one at Bally's in Atlantic City in their daily bounty tournament and one in the UBOC going on right now at UltimateBet.

Catchup

Whoa. A week sure flew by in a hurry. I meant to say something about this in advance, but I have been pretty much out of pocket and not even online much for the past couple of weeks. There are a lot of reasons for this, but the biggest one pretty much includes Hammer Wife and I having another baby a couple of days ago. So I haven't really been working, and I really haven't even been on the grid at all for the most part.

But I've still been keeping in touch with what's going on in the world, and frankly I would've probably had a ton to write about if this had been a normal past week for me. So with that I will leave you today with some random thoughts on the things that have happened in the world of sports since last we spoke. As always, in no particular order.

For starters, Plaxico Burress has got to have the worst big-time lawyer in the world. This guy somehow managed to get two years in real-life prison, out in 20 months for good behavior (fat chance), simply for carrying a weapon into a New York nightclub without it having been registered in New York. Now, the gun was registered in the state Plax purchased it in, mind you, and he had been through the interview process and answered all the questions associated with registration of such a gun, but the law in New York says that all concealed handguns must be registered in the State of New York in order to be possessed in the state.

Now don't get me wrong -- what Plaxico did was bad, and more importantly, it was clearly a crime under the laws of the State of New York. All that law requires is possession of a gun, and that gun not to be registered in New York, and you are guilty of violating the law. Period. And Plax clearly satisfied both elements of this relatively clear crime. Yet Plax's "lawyer to the stars", Ben Brathman, first decided to take the unusual step of Plax testifying as part of the grand jury hearing to determine whether or not Plaxico would be indicted for illegal possession of a handgun. Normally a defendant is not at all involved in the grand jury process, but I guess Ben Brathman thought he might be able to win some leniency from the grand jury in some form by presenting the mitigating circumstances of Plaxico's situation. Unfortunately, all the mitigation in the world doesn't change the fact that Plax carried a gun not registered in New York into a nightclub in New York, and the grand jury quickly voted to indict as seemed obvious to everyone but Plax's big-money lawyer. Brathman's follow-up strategy of talking tough on beating the charges and in plea negotiations with the Manhattan DA also totally failed, as Brathman again tried to deny the fact that violation of New York's unregistered gun law carries a mandatory statutory prison term of 3 1/2 years. So why is the DA going to agree to Plax doing no jail time when it is clear as a bell that Plax violated a state law, and that law clearly stipulates a 3 1/2 year minimum jail term for any violation?

In the end, Plax will serve two years in NY state prison. All because he bought a gun, registered it in the state of purchase, and then carried it with him into a nightclub in New York City one night. He never intended to use the gun and certainly had not intent to harm or injure anyone in any way, and again he had registered the gun he was charged for. And yet he's getting two years in jail.

I certainly hope he didn't pay Benjamin Brathman too much up front for his "expertise". If I'm rich and famous and I'm charged with a crime in the future, I wouldn't even consider talking to Brathman about my case.

Staying in the NFL for a minute, there's always Brett Favre. What can you even say at this point? I mean, clearly he is a selfish, self-centered individual who cannot see what others can see about him. Favre hasn't been a good quarterback for years, literally, and the havoc he has caused for three or four different NFL teams over the past several seasons with his complete unwillingness to decide on his future by any deadlines he or potential suitor teams have set is nearing legendary levels at this point. But you know what? At this point I am through being pissed about Favre and his magical ego tour. I'm actually interested and excited to watch how he plays this year, especially on a team that I consider to be pretty mediocre overall in Minnesota. They're not bad by any means, but Favre has really made his bed at this point, and now the whole country is going to be watching him weekly, with most of them probably rooting for him to fall flat on his pretty face.

And speaking of people who fans will love to hate this year, my Eagles' acquisition of Mike Vick is still in the forefront of my mind. In the end, I think I have a similar feeling to the Vick situation as I do about the whole Favre debacle -- as I have discussed previously, what Vick did is reprehensible to be sure. And I'm still embarrassed as all getout that it's going to be my team -- my Eagles -- who Vick will be suiting up for all through this season. But as I wrote about previously, I don't really have any problem with Vick getting signed by somebody, and in my heart I know Vick deserves the second chance after 23 months in prison and 32+ games suspended if an NFL team is willing to put up with all the shit that will surely go along with employing him. And, as with the Favre situation, at this point I am more excited than anything else about seeing just what the crazy mind of Andy Reid comes up with as far as where and how to play someone of Mike Vick's athletic caliber. Will McNabb and Vick both line up behind the line and make defenders guess who will get the snap from center? Will Vick line up as a wide receiver or tight end as has been rumored of late? Will Vick even have set plays run for him to come out of the backfield with the potential to bust through some holes? There are just a whole lot of ways Vick can be integrated into this offense, and I can foresee people tuning in just to see what the Eagles do next with him on the roster.

Before I go today, I would be remiss if I did not mention Your World Champion Philadelphia Phillies, who have continued trucking along and at this moment sit at a season-high 22 games over .500, thanks in no small part to what has become at this point an indisputably strong starting pitching rotation. The first nice surprise has been Pedro Martinez, although if you've followed P-Mart's career along then I suppose his performance thus far for the Champs hasn't been that out of character. Basically, just as I've been saying here for over a month now, P-Mart has become a decently solid 5- or 6-inning starter. He will probably never sniff the 7th inning again in his major league pitching career, but he's usually good for 5 or 6 innings, getting himself into trouble maybe twice and giving up 2-4 earned runs. But he seems to have sufficient stuff to avoid the big meltdown innings and getting rocked early most of the time, which has been helpful for the Phillies at the bottom of the rotation and hopefully will continue to do so.

But the real story with the Phillies success this year, and in particular in the second half, lies in two other pitchers, both of whom were tangentially involved in the possible trade talks for Roy Halladay just before the trading deadline. First, you've got J.A. Happ, the 26-year-old phenom making his first attempt at being a starter in this, the third season where he made at least one appearance for the major league club. Happ is you recall was required by the Blue Jays as part of any trade for their ace Roy Halladay, and Phillies' GM Ruben Amaro had even offered up Happ as part of a 4-player proposal, which Blue Jays' GM J.P. Ricciardi rejected because it did not also include #1 Phillies pitching prospect Kyle Drabek. Well, the rest is GM legend history as Amaro then opted to keep both Drabek and Happ, and to trade a few other lesser prospects for Indians' starter Cliff Lee instead. More on Lee in a minute, but Happ has continued on being just tremendous since narrowly missing being traded thanks to the Jays' GM being outmaneuvered by Amaro. Since the Phillies kept Happ and acquired Cliff Lee on July 29, J. Happ is 4-0 for the Phils, three of those wins on the road including wins at wildcard-fighting Atlanta and Chicago plus a 7-0 shutout win at home against the wildcard-leading Rockies. In those four starts, Happ has pitched 29.2 innings, or well into the 8th inning on average per start. And in those 29.2 innings? Just one home run and four total runs allowed, for an awesome 1.26 ERA this month. Simply put, the guy has been a total pimp for us and this is why myself and so many other Phillies fans were thrilled with Amaro's move keeping Happ and not giving in to the Blue Jays' ludicrous demands for Halladay instead.

Meanwhile, Cliff Lee's performance since he came to Philly instead of Roy Halladay on July 29 makes J. Happ seem like Mitch "Wild Thing" Williams in the 1993 World Series. If there was any doubt about Ruben Amaro's genius in this, just his first year as a General Manager of a major league baseball team, after letting Pat Burrell and his 12 home runs so far in 2009 go to the Rays and picking up Raul Ibanez in the offseason, picking up an effective Pedro Martinez for peanuts a couple of months back, and then managing to keep both J. Happ and Kyle Drabek in making a big trade before the trading deadline, then what Cliff Lee has done in Philly has got to ice it. Now in five starts for the World Champions, Cliff Lee is 5-0 with a 0.68 ERA. No that's not a typo. Lee has pitched 7, 7, 8, 9 and 9 innings in his five starts so far for the Phils, giving up a total of 26 hits in those 40 innings -- none of them home runs -- and a grand total of three earned runs. In 40 innings. He's also pitched 39 strikeouts compared to just six walks during that time period, so this is a guy with the total package of impeccable control and awesome power across the board. And you know what the best part is? During this same time period (since July 29), Roy Hallday has gone 2-4 with an ERA of 4.40, giving up 8 home runs and allowing opposing batters to hit .324 against him. I knew this whole thing was going to blow up in Ricciardi's face, toying with his ace's emotions like he did by publicly broadcasting his desire to trade the starter to a contender, and then turning down some very powerful offers including top prospects plus guys like J. Happ and leaving Halladay high and dry with a losing team for the second half of the season, but it's good to see someone's ineptitude come home to roost once in a while. But hey I'm not complaining -- Ricciardi's big gaffe was Ruben Amaro's gain, and I have to admit as a Philly sports fan it feels good for once in a long while to be the team that took advantage of someone else's ineptitude instead of the team getting taken advantage of.

OK that's all for now. I may have some more this week but next week on Monday I should be back and better than ever on my regular posting schedule as things begin to return a little bit back to normal in my home and in my life.

Favre: The Return III

So, in some bizzaro form of year-after-year deja vu, word is out that former Packers and Jets quarterback Brett Favre is meeting on Wednesday evening with Vikings coach Brad Childress about a possible comeback next season. Now, obviously in my view it is anyone's right to play professional sports for as long as he or she damn well pleases, I think that is quite clear in objective terms. And I think Favre is smoking rock if he honestly believes the Vikings have genuine superbowl aspirtations with him at the helm in 2009-2010. But I don't begrudge him his right to come back and play and try to show the world that 2009 was just a fluke caused by his injured arm and not the level of Favre's actual skill at this point in his career.

But it's the lying that I just can't fucking stand.

I heard Chris Mortensen today describing Brett Favre admiringly as being guilty of "flip-flopping" with regards to whether or not he wants to continue playing in the NFL. But you know what? Within the past week, Favre's agent Bus Cook requested his formal release from the New York Jets, the second time Favre has made such request since the end of the 2008-2009 season, and when pressed Cook only gave the reason of possibly signing a one-day contract with his former team since apparently Brett Favre "wanted to retire a Packer." Now it's been what, three days since his release, and here he is meeting with the Vikings head coach about coming back to play?

That's not a flip flop, Mort. That's what we call a lie.

Minnesota, I hope enjoy your season with Brett, in all his greatness. And to Chris Mortensen, Peter King, John Madden and all the other Favre lovers out there, open your fucking eyes. You can love the guy if you wanna, but stop acting like Brett hasn't made an annual habit of telling whatever lies and shooting whatever angles he can to get himself where he wants to be playing that year. This guy is about as Machiavellian as it gets.

Brett Favre: Calling it a Career

Here's a good sports question to ask at a bar:

Where does Brett Favre fit in in terms of the all-time quarterbacks in the NFL?

Here's the cases for and against, the way I see it:

For:

Brett Favre retired this week as the only 3-time MVP in the history of the NFL. In fact, he won the MVP in three consecutive seasons, from 1995-1997, including a superbowl win in 1995 over the Drew Bledsoe-led New England Patriots, presumably pre-cheating. Favre's two best years were pretty clearly that superbowl year and the one following, when he put up some lofty numbers that almost any of today's quarterbacks would jump at:

1995: 359-570, 63.0% completions, 4413 yards, 38 touchdowns, 13 interceptions, QB rating of 99.5
1996: 325-543, 59.9% completions, 3899 yards, 39 touchdowns, 13 interceptions, QB rating of 95.8

It is hard to argue with those two seasons. 39 tds and 13 picks. Now that's hall of fame material right there.

More than those two spectacular seasons, his superbowl win and the three league MVP awards, Favre's career stats include some of the sickest numbers for any quarterback, ever. Brett Favre retires as the all-time leader among quarterbacks in wins, consecutive starts, yards, touchdowns and completions, in addition to the most 3000-yard seasons with 17 consecutive:

Most Wins (Starting QBs)
1. Brett Favre 169
2. John Elway 148
3. Dan Marino 147

Most Consecutive Starts (QB)
1. Brett Favre 269
2. Peyton Manning 176
3. Ron Jaworski 116

Most Career Passing Yards
1. Brett Favre 65,127
2. Dan Marino 61,361
3. John Elway 51,475

Most Career TD Passes
1. Brett Favre 464
2. Dan Marino 420
3. Fran Tarkenton 342

Most Career Completions
1. Brett Favre 5,720
2. Dan Marino 4,967
3. John Elway 4,123

Favre's regular season record is 169-100. That's like going 10-6 every year for 16 consecutive seasons. All these incredible career numbers, combined with his penchant for coming from behind and leading his team to victory late in games, and his unbelievable toughness as evidence by the never-to-be-broken 269 consecutive starts at quarterback, easily place Favre in the top 10 quarterbacks of all time. But how high on the top 10?


Against:

OK, so Favre is obviously an awesome, awesome quarterback in career terms, one of the best ever. But at just 1-1 in career superbowls, let's look at some of the other all-time greats and compare them with Favre.

Joe Montana won four superbowls in four tries with the 49ers. John Elway captured two superbowls in three appearances for the Broncos. Tom Brady won three superbowls in three appearances, I believe winning the superbowl MVP in all three. Troy Aikman won three superbowls in three appearances in the 1990s. I may be biased, having grown up watching these guys, but I can't help but give a whole lot of credence to anyone who has won multiple superbowls and was a great player in doing so, and all four of the above-mentioned names fit the bill. Plus there is Terry Bradshaw, who won four superbowls in four appearances in the 1970s.

Now, Roger Staubach also won two championships in the '70s, and Bart Starr won the first two superbowls in the late 1960s, and even Ben Roethlisberger now has two superbowl wins as of his beating of the Cardinals just a few weeks ago. But none of those guys is anywhere near Favre on the career lists of any of the major passing stats, so in my view Favre comes in ahead of those players with just one more superbowl victory than he and career stats not even approaching Favre's. But I have a really hard time putting Favre ahead of anyone with two superbowl wins and comparable career numbers (Elway), or anybody else with three or more champion victories who was dominant during their championship runs. So that leaves Bradshaw, Brady, Montana, Aikman and Elway ahead of Favre in my book, based just on career stats and superbowls.

The other major strike against Brett Favre is the fact that he truly played about five seasons too long. As I mentioned above, this is a guy whose prime was clearly in the 1995-1996 seasons, and here we are in frigging 2009 when the guy is finally retiring. Since the last time Favre threw 30 touchdown passes in a season (30 in 2004), he has thrown 88 touchdowns and 84 interceptions in four years, for an average of 22 tds and 21 picks a year. That is not such a great stretch over four years for a top-10 all-time quarterback. Moreover, Favre threw for more than 30 tds for five straight seasons, from 1994-1998, but then in 10 seasons since, he only bested 30 touchdowns three times.

In particular, the biggest issue with Favre has long been the interceptions. From a career standpoint, Favre retires as far and away the career leader in this statistic, leading the league in at least two seasons:

Most Career Interceptions
1. Brett Favre 310
2. George Blanda 277
3. John Hadl 268

Despite winning the superbowl in 1995, Favre also failed to distinguish himself in the postseason overall, ending 12-10 in career playoff games, with most of those wins coming in the first half of his career. Brett ended his career going 3-7 in his last ten playoff games, spanning over the last decade of Favre's time in the NFL. In his final 12 playoff games, Favre's passer rating was a respectable-at-best77.8, hardly befitting of a best-ever type of passer over 12 clutch games. In his last five wildcard games, Favre finished 2-3 with seven touchdowns and nine picks. Taking it a step further, in Favre's last three divisional playoff games, he went 1-2 with seven touchdowns and seven picks. Compare these postseason numbers to the likes of Brady, Bradshaw, Montana or the others I mentioned above and you will see where the debate comes from as to Favre's true place in history among quarterbacks. More than that, it is hard for many fans to forget Favre's role in two of the worst overtime playoff losses in NFL history, after he threw a pick in overtime to the Eagles' Brian Dawkins in the 2003 playoffs -- literally while Hammer Wife and I were getting married -- and then another to the Giants' Corey Webster to end the Packers' 2007 campaign in frustration. ESPN pointed out that Favre is the only quarterback in league history to throw overtime interceptions in two different playoff games. And I skipped over the 2001-2002 divisional playoff game against the St. Louis Rams, when Favre threw for 281 yards in a 45-17 loss, tying a playoff record by tossing six interceptions, three of them pick-6s to give his team no shot to win. In his last nine playoff games, Favre threw 18 interceptions, and in 22 total playoff efforts, Favre threw 28 interceptions. Despite the Packers amassing a 13-0 home playoff record at Lambeau Field from 1931 through 2002, Favre turned that record on its head, eliminating much of the cache from the Frozen Tundra in going 2-3 at home since 2002, including home playoff eliminations at the hands of Michael Vick, Daunte Culpepper and Eli Manning. Not exactly a who's who list of quarterbacks there.

So, in sum, Favre's career stats clearly warrant a top-10 all-time position among NFL quarterbacks in my view. You just can't diss on the guy who leads the entire league in career wins, touchdowns, yards, completions, 3000-yard seasons, and of course the incredible iron man stat with the 269 consecutive starts at quarterback. But I would argue that Favre's questionable postseason stats, combined with the noticeable dropoff in his regular season performance following the mid-1990s prime of his career, leave him somewhere around the bottom of the all-time top 10.

Anybody out there from Wisconsin who wants to say differently?

Realizations

The past several days have been a week of realizations for me. Some profound, and some borderline meaningless. But I thought I would take a break from poker again today and write about what's been swirling around in my head lately.

First things first: the Jets suck. It's official. It's over, they just plain suck. If you're a Jets fan, I'm sorry for you. But if you couldn't see how much that was the Exact Same Schtunk Brett Favre on Monday night, then you'll never see it. He threw interceptions like the government bails out financial companies -- blindly and plentifully. And I would love to at least be able to say that he was under pressure all night, but that simply isn't the case. That's what was so quinessentially Favre about his performance -- he throws picks when he's not under too much pressure. He just can't throw the ball with consistent accuracy anymore. He throws every pass about 150 miles an hour, the majority of them off the mark, and in multiple cases on Monday, smack into double or triple coverage with basically no chance of being caught (by his team, anyways), and quite often directly to the other team with none of his receivers even around. They might have started off 2-0 or whatever, but this team is simply not good. Start facing it now. And I'm not some hater -- I actually enjoy the Jets, and being a Philly guy they are easily the only likeable football team in this city, and over his career I've been a huge Favre fan as well. But let's face facts -- the guy has been an interception machine for a good three or four seasons now. He should not have come back, Green Bay was right to want to get him out of town at this point, and he stizzinks. Some of those throws last night were so awful, it's enough to make you wonder if he was accepting a bribe to throw the game. But then, sadly, you realize that he would never be that obvious if he were throwing the game. No, unfortunately for Brett, he just sucks at this point in his career. It pains me to say it, but it's the inescapable truth.

OK, what else. Well, while we're on the topic of sports and of Favre and the Jets showing their true colors last night, the baseball race is heating up and we're seeing the Mets once again show their true colors as well in September. Last year they lost what? A 7 game lead with 17 to play in September? Well just about two weeks ago, we were already about a week in September and the Mets once again found themselves with a comfortable 3.5 game lead over the flagging Phillies in the NL East, with probably no more than 17 games left again in the season. Now fast forward two weeks, and the Mets find themselves 2.5 games back of the Phils -- 2 back in the loss column -- with 6 games left to play (5 for the Phillies). The Mets have lost 6 of their last 9 games -- including 5 out of 8 to the Braves and Nationals who are a combined 50.5 games out of first -- and now sit just one game ahead of the fading Brewers for the wildcard lead. This team has already done what it can to blow another comfortable September lead in the division, one year after the most historic September choke in MLB history, and like with Brett Favre above, it gives a great insight into the character of this team right now. They are chokers, and they do not have what it takes to win. Every single player is stepping down here in September, for the second year in a row. David Wright? Choker. Carlos Beltran? Choker. Pedro Martinez? Huge choker. Jose Reyes? Chok -- no wait. He just plain sucks. Name your favorite Mets bullpen pitcher? All fantastic chokers. Obviously I would fire the shit out of Jerry Manuel if this team fails to make the playoffs, and frankly I would fire him anyways given this year's final-month collapse and bring in someone fiery who won't allow this to happen again. And when is someone finally going to get rid of Omar Menaya, huh? Let's face it -- he has not delivered and in fact consistently seems to make poor personnel decisions with guys like Pedro and Beltran who everybody else but him seems to recognize for the overpaid, under-performing players that they are. You keep shitty management around for long enough, and your team starts playing shitty, year in and year out. Believe me, I know -- I'm from Philly.

Speaking of which, what a time to be a Philadelphia sports fan. The Eagles look legit, with perhaps the greatest defense in the NFL this year, and the Phillies are getting close to mathematically locking up a playoff berth for the second year in a row. If they win the NL East again this year -- which is not set in stone by a long shot yet, but with 5 games to play and a 2 game lead in the loss column, and with all home games left, two against the Braves and three against the last-place Nats, things are looking good -- but if they do win the East it will be the first time since I grew up that the Phils win the division back to back. I know they won several consecutive NL East crowns in the late 70s, but since then it's been fits and starts at best for the world's losingest professional sports franchise. But this is a good little team here, with great balance between a decent starting pitching corps and a great bullpen on the one side, and a very solid, if a bit inconsistent, lineup that includes the greatest home run and RBI guy in the game today and the last two years' league MVPs.

And getting back to the Eagles for a minute, it's a shame that Dallas looks to be the early favorite to walk to the Superbowl, because the Eagles are looking strong. They are also playing a bit inconsistent so far, with two great offensive performances until getting more or less shut down by Pittsburgh at home this past Sunday, and two great defensive performances as well, other than last Monday night's defensive debacle in Dallas. And now with McNabb starting his injuries early with last week's abdomen issue that saw him miss a few series, and with Westbrook obviously an injury waiting to happen every single year and now weighing in with the sprained (?) ankle that caused him to miss most of this week's game as well, you have to figure the Eagles for second-best in the division, if not third. Remember, we play in the NFC East, which has quite literally been the best division in football for a good two decades straight now, and once again is clearly this year, with the 3-0 Cowboys, 3-0 Superbowl champion Giants, 2-1 Eagles and the upstart 2-1 Redkins. Amazingly, this season early indications are that the three best teams in the entire NFC are all in the NFC East, with teams like Arizona and San Francisco (!!) leading the West, Tampa Bay, Carolina and Atlanta (!!) leading the South, and with the NFC North, as always, not even worth mentioning. So the Eagles have their work cut out for them this year with 6 games against the 'Boys, Giants and Redskins, although our out-of-conference schedule this year is decidedly weak which is good given the toughness of those games coming up against the division later in the year.

One other realization I have come to over the past few days while I've watched this truly historic time in the stock market is that I am very close to deciding to get out there and do what I can to vote out of office anybody who votes in favor of this ridiculous trillion-dollar "bailout" package for Wall Street. Because that's exactly what it is -- it's for Wall Street. Sure, Hank Paulson and George Bush can say it's for taxpayers, for investors, whatever, but that's all a steaming pile of crap. It's for Wall Street, for the bankers and the traders and the CEOs who selfishly and without foresight hawked any kind of mortgage they could to any kind of borrower, often without any look at that borrower's actual ability or likelihood of repaying the debt, and then packaged up all those mortgages into securities and sold those to even more naive clients for even more money. And I can live with that btw, I really can, because we live in America, a free market with a free market, capitalistic economy where nobody forces the banks to offer these products, and nobody forces the customers to come along and buy them and trade them. But what I cannot live with is these same bankers and traders, who didn't share a dime of the wealth that these ridiculous securitizations of mortgages brought them over the past seven or eight years or so, who went out and bought huge homes in Hamptons, drove up apartment prices in Manhattan to the stratospheric levels they are at today, helped prop up the recockulous price of private schools in the city to today's impressive $33,000 a year for a 4-year-old to get a decent education, etc. etc. etc. These guys consumed, consumed and consumed some more with all that wealth they made over the past several years hawking these absurd mortgages products to the world, but now when it has all turned around because the real estate prices underlying all these securitized oblgiations have fallen just 15% or so from their highs, now we taxpayers have to pay a trillion dollars to buy these bad loans off these bankers' books? That's the part where you've lost me.

The stock market pundits are largely right that, without this silly bailout business as announced late last week and soon to be finalized by Congress, the Dow would have probably dropped another 2500 points from where it was early last week. I don't think there's any doubt about that. But you know what? Just like I said a week or two ago when Lehman Brothers and AIG were teetering on the edge, that 25% drop would have been the right thing to happen. Sure, I am heavily invested in the stock market, and in the short-term that would have crushed my portfolio value. As a relatively young man with a young family and some excess fundage, I invest primarily in an aggressive but diversified portfolio of equities and some other securities. But here I am, living proof of someone who actually believes in free market forces, and who actually believes in capitalism through and through. If circumstances as they existed a week ago lead people to want to sell the market down 25% from current levels, because it becomes obvious that much of the gains of the past several years were illusory and are all now coming back to roost, then so be it. Because I truly believe in capitalism and the free market, I am willing to take my medicine and lose 25% of my investment holdings in the short-term in order to get the market back to where it actually belongs given the current state of things.

But that right there is the rub. The current administration -- and once again, that includes the chimp in the white house in addition to the baboons in Congress -- is not willing to let the market be where it belongs right now. They stepped in once with Bear Stearns, two more times with Fannie and Freddie, once again in forcing the buyout of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America, and yet again with a massive $85 billion bridge loan to keep AIG afloat. And now here they are again with a trillion dollar package to form a fund to buy all the shitty mortgages from the banks. And don't worry, the Democrats in Congress are now insisting that they also be able to buy credit card debts and car loans too! These clowns will do anything to control the markets, to keep them artificially and externally propped up far above the levels everyone and their mother knows they would drop to immediately if this latest government bailout package were to suddenly disappear. They fear what would happen if free market forces allowed stocks to fall until they reached the level where the buyers once again equalled the sellers. They fear the effect on the market, they fear the effect on personal wealth, and they fear the effect on the economy at large. These fuckheads actually fear letting the free markets work to create their own equilibrium.

We as a society have a name for people who believe in capitalism only when the economy and the stock market are doing well, but who favor taking control of the economy and the market when things turn south. People who say they believe in the free market as long as it is working for them, but when the inevitable slowdown threatens, they manipulate the market, printing money to throw at private companies to prevent them from further hurting the economy as it grapples with its natural forces that always inexorably lead to contraction and expansion, contraction and expansion. You know what we call those people? Communists. Plain and simple.

I have no problem with people who support Communism. I really don't, I mean that. It's one option, and there have been literally billions of people over time who have grown up and lived their entire lives under Communist regimes. But unlike many of those people, I don't believe in Communism. I prefer true capitalism, and because I am a true capitalist -- not a bullshit one like our current government -- I put my money where my mouth is. As much pain as it will cause in the short-term, I am absolutely willing to watch my portfolio lose 25% of its value this month, when it turns out that the 40% gains over the past five years were all bullshit based on assumptions which have now proven to be utterly and completely false. What can I say? I'm a true free market guy, right down to my core. That's what capitalism is supposed to be all about when it comes right down to it. Obviously, our government needs more people who understand what true capitalism is.

So watch out, you pig-headed politicians. I'm going to look and see which one of you assheads votes for this trillion-dollar subsidy to the financial institutions who greedily abused unknowing consumers and naively took on massive risks all hinging on the notion that real estate prices woud literally never decline again. And if you vote for this plan, I'm going to be out there, lurking, working in my own ways to get you voted out on your fat ass this November. And next November, and every November after that. I'll give up 25% of my money if that's what the free market economy says I have to do. But being forced by you to pay it out as taxes to save the rich bastards who ran up 8-digit bank accounts over the past seven years by being greedy and having no foresight at all? Nope. I live in America because here we're not supposed to do that. Here the free market is supposed to reign.

It is just amazing and embarrassing how quickly so many people in this country are willing to completely trash our basic fucking economic precepts just because a little number at the bottom of their portfolio statement starts dropping from the obviously over-inflated levels it has been at for the past few years.

Favre

Wow. I mean, wow. Brett Favre a New York Jet. Needless to say, this city is electric this morning.

It's like this. As many of you know, I'm a Philadelphia fan through and through. In all the sports. Yep, that's right. Phillies. Eagles. Sixers and Flyers. The whole shebang of local franchises where I grew up and where my family still is today. So let's just say that I know what it's like to be a fan of loser teams and the butt of every joke a city across. As my few fellow haters bloggers from Philadelphia are all too keenly aware, it means a special something to be a real hardened Philly fan. You grow up with a certain feeling -- call it pessimism, call it inevitability, fate, whatever -- but you basically know how mostly every season is going to end before it even begins. And it really affects you, inside and outside the world of sports, in ways that only a true fan of Philadelphia could ever understand.

The New York Jets are one of the very closest things to these Philadelphia teams, another team that hasn't won a superbowl in basically two generations. A team that always seems to find a way to lose, to trade the better players for the worse, and the one who always seems to come out on the losing end of every transaction and just every occurrence in which they are involved as a franchise. Get the first pick in the draft? The guy blows his knee out in training camp. Picked to finish first in the division for the first time in over 20 years? Quarterback shreds his Achilles tendon early in Game 2 and the team ends up 4-12. Trade for the coach who just won one of the toughest divisions in football? Guy ends up being the literal worst coach in any sport in the history of time and is gone after two abysmal seasons. It's just like that when you're a fan of the Jets, and again it's eerily similar for me to what my own sports fandom has been in my nearly 30 years of being an avid fan of all the Philly teams.

So Brett Favre struts into town with the truly shocking news in this area that he has been traded for what, a 4th round draft pick. And you know what? I have absolutely no doubt that Favre is going to make some real waves here in this city. I mean, many people just aren't cut out to play and live in New York City. For some it's too busy, for some it's too loud, for some it's too big, and for many it's just too much of a microscope, and they end up cracking under the pressure, performing poorly and/or just flipping out. I remember Randy Johnson in his first week as a New York Yankee literally punching out a camera man who was asking too many questions up in Johnson's face. Guys like that, and there are many of them, just aren't cut out for the big city like this. Scores of other players just find out they could never handle the media scrutiny, the constant criticism, the millions of fans writing, talking, calling into sports radio, etc. all picking apart every little thing their star athletes say or do. It's a rough life, and it takes a special kind of player with a special kind of focus, including an uncanny ability to tune out all the noise that comes along with being in New York, to really survive here and to thrive here.

But Brett Favre is just such a guy. Even though he's from the back woods of Mississippi and has spent basically his entire life there and then in the local-community environment of Green Bay, the guy still has that certain je ne sais quoi about him. More than anything else, it's a presence. Favre is going to step foot off the plan at LaGuardia in a day or two, and I'm telling you, he is instantly going to be the king. If there is any quarterback in the NFL that is just plain cool, it's Favre.

And don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say this is the greatest thing to happen to the NFL since Joe Namath's improbable victory in I think the third superbowl ever back in the late 60's. Personally, I think one of the big losers in this ends up being Brett Favre. Sure, he gets to keep playing football, and obviously with the shit qb's the Jets have going on right now, he will be the obvious started right from the get-go for his new team. And yes, he gets to continue his already-record streak of consecutive starts at quarterback in the NFL. But there are two big downsides to this move. The less significant downside in my mind is that Brett is now playing for the hapless Jets, and I don't think he is even close to good enough to overcome the loser mentality that afflicts that franchise as bad as any of the Philadelphia teams. So Brett is in my mind jumping out of his current situation and into another where he is highly unlikely to have any huge success, and I don't think even the Favre-enabled Jets are anywhere near good enough to make the superbowl, or even possibly to make the playoffs in what is sure to be another stacked AFC.

But the worst part of this whole thing is that I always cringe a little whenever one of these franchise guys who spends more or less his entire career playing for one team in one city and building a bond with the fans and really the entire community, suddenly up and leaves for a new team, new city, etc. I mean, did it feel good to you watching Joe Montana end his career as a Kansas City Chief? Now Favre is in some ways throwing away everything he built up over the previous 16 seasons in Green Bay. There is just something magical to me about these all-time greats at their sport, starting and ending their careers with the same team and going down in history as an icon for the city in which they always played. The Robin Yount / George Brett type of athletes. Now Favre has removed himself from this venerable group, and personally I never find that history reflects quite so well on such players once they leave the friendly confines of the city, the field and the fans where they became famous. I suppose only time will tell if Favre lives to regret the decision to venture away from his home away from home in Green Bay and to the media center that is New York, where the fans are crazed but the team has basically been a comedy of errors and a comedy of failures over the past many, many years.

What's that? Oh this is supposed to be a poker blog? Well eff poker. I am tilted beyond tilt these days. It's so bad that on Wednesday night I went and unregistered from a couple of FTOPS tournaments I had previously been all set to play later this week and weekend, and I'm not sure when the next time will be that I'll be up to putting up hundreds of dollars of my very hard-earned cash on the line when I can't beat players who bet at me on 6th street with three of a kind or two high pairs showing in razz (both true stories!) and I haven't flopped a set in probably four months. Eff poker, did I mention that already?